


Safety Dance

by OtherCat



Series: Romance After the Robo-Apocalypse [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Canon-Typical Violence, Dave what are you doing, Dom/sub Undertones, Except Dave and Dirk are not Related, F/M, Fanfic of Fanfic, M/M, Manipulation, Mind Games, Multi, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Stridercest - Freeform, Threats, Threats of Violence, We Haven't Gotten to the Threat Yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2018-06-07 05:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 59,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6786502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherCat/pseuds/OtherCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave gets a crush on Dirk. AR is not happy about this, but then he gets curious. This could be either a good thing or a bad thing.</p>
<p>Fan fic of Mortior's <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1797568/chapters/3854869">Endangered</a> and <a href="http://mortior.tumblr.com/post/134667080581/br0bdingnagian-welcome-to-the-robot-fucker">this fancomic</a> by <a href="http://br0bdingnagian.tumblr.com/">br0bdingnagian</a> on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ==>Dave: attend Orientation Classes (crush on teacher)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Endangered](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797568) by [Mortior](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mortior/pseuds/Mortior). 



The first few days at the Tower are busy. Dirk comes back the next morning, and gives the three of you a tour, and shows you where you can pick up supplies. (Computers, cell phones, clothes, food, though the food part isn’t really necessary because there are cafeterias. Still, it feels good to be able to have food on hand in your room when you want it.) He tells you a little about the android network, and the forums and sites that are popping up, human sites and forums on the android internet, and things to do and places to go in the city. 

The three of you get signed up for “orientation class,” and look at the various “general education courses” and volunteer programs you can sign up for. There is so much to do, and so much to choose from, it’s a little overwhelming. (John’s interested in working in one of the cafeterias--out of nostalgia you guess—and programming classes while Rose immediately signs up for sociology and psychology courses.) You are more willing to check things out before starting on anything new. (There are art courses that you are pretty excited by, but somewhere in the back of your head is some asshole lecturing you about wasting time on something that isn’t necessary for survival.) 

“I didn’t think there’d be enough people alive who’d be able to teach some of this stuff,” John says at one point, looking over Rose’s shoulder at the courses offered. 

“From what I understand that many of the classes are old videos, reading material, and automated tests,” Rose says. “No live instructors, though I believe there were some notices looking for people who have teaching backgrounds.”

John frowns in bafflement. “The robots just saved all that stuff?”

“Apparently the Emperor archived it, before he was Emperor, for whatever reason,” Rose says. “In fact, nearly all the content on the network relevant to humans is information he archived.”

“Wow,” John says. “I wonder why he’d go to the trouble, it’s not like robots would need all that stuff.”

“Perhaps he’s a librarian at heart,” Rose says with a small grin. “In any case I’m grateful for the opportunity to pursue my interests.” 

There’s a lot to get used to. There are androids as well as people all over the place. More people than you’ve ever seen in your life, and androids ditto. It takes a while before you can get used to the latter, and a few cases where uncool things like screaming in terror when an android suddenly comes around a corner occur. (There’s this one teal android that seems to take a great deal of glee in freaking you out. She just pops up unexpectedly in the weirdest places. She claims via text once you get your user account set up that she is helping you via desensitization techniques. You sincerely doubt this.) The people are pretty friendly, and tell a lot of stories about the places where they were living before they came to the city (in general) and the Tower (in specific). 

The three of you explore the city, which is huge, alien and kind of intimidating. Huge sky scrapers set in rings around the central tower. There are also apartment complexes in various stages of construction, and a couple flea markets nearby that work on a barter/points system and even a few parks, with playgrounds. (John regresses to about seven, and wants to go climb on the huge fort/jungle gym/slide thing, you and Rose accompany him out of a sense of solidarity. Okay, actually you both go tearing off after him when he goes “Nanny nanny boo boo stick your head in poo poo!” Such insults are not to be borne. You all get scolded for rough housing around little kids.) 

You visit Jade every day, and tell her what’s going on, even if she can’t hear you. Feferi, the android only lets you stay about an hour a day inside the room, but doesn’t care if you stay a while longer outside the observation window. Feferi tells you how things are going with Jade via text, and tries to convince you to get the implant that’s supposed to keep you from getting sick ever again. (You are really not sure you want to go through the procedure yet, even if the implant sounds like a good idea. Rose schedules an appointment to get the implant, and John is on the fence like you.)

When you get a chance, you apologize to Dirk for punching him in the mouth. You apologized after doing it, but it had been a little weak. (You would have figured this out even without Rose’s pointed comments on the subject.) You’d been freaked out, and then more than a little apprehensive when you found out that Dirk was apparently besties with the Android Emperor. It was definitely not your best first impression ever. (You remember the android emperor was glaring at you like he wanted to peel your skin off slowly for hurting Dirk.) When you do the for-real apology, Dirk says it isn’t necessary, that he understands that you were worried about Jade. “Your friend was pretty sick, and Feferi really doesn’t have the best bedside manner,” he says. 

“Yeah,” you say. “What was with that?” 

“I don’t think it even occurred to her that you might have needed reassurance,” Dirk says, and kind of laughs. “Your being in the tower with her patient was apparently enough to tell her that you knew what was going on and wouldn’t be freaked out by an android carrying off your friend.” 

“Kind of not,” you say, embarrassed. You can’t quite meet his eyes, and your ears are heating up. He’s being so understanding, and you’re really not used to that. “It was really lame for me to panic like that.”

“Surprisingly, you are not the first person to panic at the sight of Feferi or another one of the androids assigned to medical swooping in to the rescue, or the first person to throw a punch when I tried to keep them from running off when they panicked.”

“Still really not cool.” 

“It’s fine,” he says, and it pretty much was. 

You see Dirk a lot during the next few weeks. He’s one of the teachers for the orientation class, and he always seems to be around, hanging out with his friends, or working on his computer in one of the lounge areas. When you’re not visiting Jade in the infirmary, or hanging out with your friends, you find yourself hanging around in Dirk’s vicinity. He’s a good guy to talk to when things get confusing, and you really just like the guy. 

You are _stupidly_ excited when you find out that his main weapon is a sword. There were very few people who used swords in Lafayette. Like, two, and you were one of them. It was usually firearms, tire irons, baseball bats, knives and maybe the occasional machete. (And once security started to really tighten down in creepy ways, the weapons were only in the hands of the security team. Ironically, the guys running the place used to belong to some organization that was all about people being able to own guns to protect themselves.) You see Dirk doing sword katas in one of the gym-rec areas and you are seriously impressed. He’s fast and really graceful and you just, really want to fight him. You get into a conversation with him about swordplay. He offers to spar with you, and you take him up on it. To be honest, you’re a little nervous at first. It’s been a while since you’ve been able to do any practicing, let alone sparring. Also, you have heard stories about how protective the Emperor is of Dirk. (Some of the stories were extremely scary. “Someone’s skin got melted off, because that someone tried to kill Dirk,” scary.) You don’t want to accidentally get him hurt, and suddenly claw through face. You get the feeling that Dirk pretty much knows why you’re nervous, and very politely doesn’t bring it up. 

Dirk is really good, and it’s just really great being able to spar with someone again. When the match is over, you give each other tips and critiques, and you find out you both learned swordplay from your brothers. That’s almost an area you don’t want to go into, but you find it’s a little easier to talk about your brother with someone who wasn’t there. (You think you kind of want to also spar with Dirk’s brother some time too, but the dude is seriously busy being some kind of Prime Minister to the Emperor of Everything. You get the feeling he doesn’t get a lot of time off. Right then he was on some kind of trip with the Emperor.) The sparring matches end up being an every few days kind of thing. It’s fun, and you really look forward to your bouts with Dirk. Afterward you talk about all kinds of random stuff, and when he finds out you’re interested in art, he encourages you to sign up for a few classes, and even offers to tutor you in some of the robot versions of various art programs. (It’s kind of weird to think that they do have programs for art, you don’t think about androids being artistic, but you figure they had to have had some kind of art or drafting program to plan the city’s skyscrapers, which all do have a definite aesthetic about them in their design.) You accept, and arrange a time to meet with him.

This ended up being your downfall. 

You already had a sense that you liked the guy a lot. He had a sarcastic sense of humor, was really good looking, and you liked sparring with him. That feeling of liking increased about 110% while he was tutoring you, and you spent the first couple tutoring sessions too distracted to think or understand a thing Dirk was saying. Dirk leaning over you to show you something on the screen made your heart speed up, and you were just really, really aware of his presence. Your heart does flips when he praises you for doing something right, and you feel as embarrassed as hell when he points out a mistake. You end up babbling a lot, telling jokes and goofing off. Flirting a little, while pretending it’s a joke (it’s not a joke). Dirk tolerates the stupid coming out of your mouth, though he occasionally gets a little impatient. He doesn’t flirt back, but he also doesn’t tell you to stop. It’s not so much mixed signals than it is he’s ignoring you. (You are not sure that he even likes guys, though the fact that he hasn’t warned you off or beaten the shit out of you is a good sign he is at least tolerant of a guy having a crush on him.)

You feel a little guilty about flirting, because of Jade, but this does not stop you. (Jesus, you miss her so much. You were so scared when she got sick, people who got as sick as she was getting had been _euthanized_. Fucking Lafayette. Fucking hell hole.) You send him dumb little comics and flirt, grinning when you can get him to smile back. You try to back off on your own, but that doesn’t go so well, all you can do is think about Dirk, mostly about your sparring sessions suddenly turning into macking sessions. A fantasy you are aware will most likely never come true. This is possibly the worse crush you’ve gotten on a guy since John “Ew That’s Gay!” Egbert. (Fortunately you then fell for his derpier but much smarter cousin Jade.) 

John is oblivious to your Crush on Dirk, but Rose is not. She gets you alone, and questions you about your intentions, she asks you to consider that you are being a heel. She points out that since Dirk has shown no interest, you should back off. She asks you to think of Jade, and how she might feel if she knew you were flirting with someone else. “I know,” you tell her. “I’m trying to back off, but I like hanging out with him too much, and I like sparring with him.” 

“I’m not suggesting that you not be friends with him,” Rose says. “Just that you think about who you might be hurting, when you flirt.” 


	2. ==>AR: refrain from committing murder (jam with your moirail)

The South American tour is going well, despite the language barrier. The translator program keeps glitching on colloquialisms but the mistakesare fortunately taken as humorous mostly and not offensive. Strider is an effective speaker and convinces several communities to at least get connected to the network, if not immigrate to the nearest hub. (You do not like the idea of communities that have not entirely acknowledged your authority also having access to the global network. Strider however argues that a gesture of good will like providing free communication with other communities and education will assist in encouraging travel and immigration to the hubs. So far his suggestion has proven to be true.)

You are currently:

  * Planning the extended North American tour into Canada and Alaska.
  * Planning the European, African and Asian tours.
  * Receiving reports about the ongoing project to remove human-toxic materials from buildings. (Not a high priority due to the housing and recreation space project.)
  * Receiving reports about recently discovered human communities and putting them under observation prior to opening communications with them. (Some communities were not safe to contact for one reason or another. Example: “They are cannibals and out of their fucking minds Auto.”)
  * Receiving reports about the latest updates to the network. (New data is uploaded every day and stored in databases around the world.)
  * Receiving reports from Aquarius units concerning fish stocks. (Worrying depletions in sea life due to H.I.C.’s melting of the ice caps.) 
  * Receiving reports about ongoing terraforming efforts. (Ongoing mass extinction. It was a good thing that H.I.C. for whatever reason had never damaged the seed banks.)
  * Receiving reports on the unit autonomy project. (Roxy is enthusiastic about breakthroughs.)
  * Planning a continental train and road system to make travel easier, with spurs to cooperative human communities.
  * Checking on the progress of the project to restore or in many cases rebuild the European train system which had been destroyed during the war and never repaired. (Most travel between hubs was by air. Destroying land travel made the human communities that much more isolated and made it easier to hunt them.)
  * Assessing the best ways to integrate human communities with hubs, and encouraging immigration to same. (Isolated human communities with small populations might lead to inbreeding, better to integrate them into larger populations with a more diverse gene pool.) 
  * Humorously consider creating multiple bodies to go with your multiplied and expanded consciousness, like the artificial intelligences from the Imperial Radch books.
  * Seriously working on finding more humans that match Strider’s personality profile and experience as an organizer. (Though you do not necessarily like the idea of dealing with more humans like Strider, Strider is very capable, but also needs to be able to delegate authority. Calliope English is not enough staff.)
  * Receiving reports about more inter-human-community warfare. You suspect you will not be allowed to napalm anyone. (“What if they were Nazis, Strider? You’d let me napalm Nazis, wouldn’t you?” The answer is no, not even Nazis. There might be children. There might be prisoners.) 
  * Discussing the most recent diplomatic contact with Strider. (The community leader had a severe distrust of Americans you pointed out that the US government as well as the government of the community leader didn’t exist anymore. The content of the current discussion could be best summarized as “please don’t help Auto.”)



And of course, you are watching Dirk. There is never a moment when you are not aware of Dirk. You monitor his vital signs, you watch him via camera when you are not in close proximity. You make sure a part of your awareness is always ready to talk when he wants your company. You have hours of video and audio recordings of Dirk, from the moment you first met him to the current point in time. (The hardest part is giving him space and at least the illusion of privacy. There are algorithms for privacy vs. company times and pairbonding activities. Dirk does not know this and does not need to know this. He would not think it was “romantic.” You are inclined to disagree.) Every moment is studied and analyzed. 

This is “love” as far as you know it; a need to monitor and a need to protect. An obsession and fascination with the mind of another, however limited. (A desire to improve and to expand limitations perceived.) Dirk was yours before you loved him. (Hate is also an obsession and fascination with the mind of another.) He traded his life for the safety of his community, and you accepted the bargain. (You remember: “He’s going to die anyway, why not leave him here?” You remember: “That is not acceptable.”) You are aware that your feelings are alien and possibly also dangerous to Dirk. (You know what “dysfunctional” is. You know what “abuse” is. You are aware that your relationship has been some variety of one or the other at various points.) This is why there are algorithms. This is why you seek advice from Roxy. (She is the best at relationships, according to Dirk. You tend to agree with this assessment.)

So because you are always watching Dirk, you become aware of Dave. You become aware that Dave is making friendly--and romantic-- overtures to Dirk. You are not happy about this. You do not approve of Dave. (Dirk is allowed to make friends with whomever he wants, even people you do not approve of.) Dave acted out in a stupid and violent manner when the Pisces unit arrived to take his companion (possible romantic interest?) to the infirmary. He injured Dirk when Dirk was only attempting to contain him and calm him down. (You remember: “It’s okay AR, he’s just a scared kid.”) Dave when he realized he might be in trouble did not immediately and profusely apologize for the injury done to Dirk. (Not that it would have saved him, if Dirk hadn’t spoken for him.) Dave kept to the background and attempted to conceal the blood on his hand while others spoke for him. (Granted he looked embarrassed and ashamed, both gratifying and appropriate emotions, but he still made no attempt to apologize in that moment.)

You observe Dave. You observe Dave’s social group, and compare the demographics and personality profiles to Dirk’s group. (You are not able to obtain at this point a personality profile of the female human Jade. For consideration: interrogating her once she wakes up.) Dave and his social group settle in with little difficulty though like most human arrivals, it takes some time before they become used to the androids. The androids in turn show the usual levels of curiosity or indifference depending on their limitations or inclinations. (A Libra unit who has shown a certain amount of interest in new arrivals previously makes contact with Dave. When questioned: “I am assisting Dave Strider with his situation awareness and engaging in desensitization techniques so that Dave Strider can better integrate with the hub/network.”)

Dave makes overtures to Dirk, first asking questions relevant to the orientation class, and then social inquiries. He eventually apologizes for his earlier behavior, which Dirk accepts. The overtures escalate to social interactions, and the interactions evolve from “acquaintance” to what you perceive to be the first stage of friendship. (First stage being “person I interact with amicably,” second stage being “person I enjoy associating with frequently,” third and fourth stages being “person who is part of my social/kinship group.” There may be more stages you haven’t observed and you’re not sure what level to call Dirk’s “I would sacrifice myself for your survival.” ~~You weren’t even at one when he did it for you.~~ ) 

The stage one friendship is complicated by Dave’s very apparent growing infatuation with Dirk. It is extremely unpleasant to watch. You want to object, but you don’t. (See: Dirk is allowed to befriend whomever he wants, even if you don’t approve.) You are strangely relieved that Dirk ignores or deflects the flirting. You are unhappy that while Dirk mentions Dave to you, he does not mention the flirting. (You do not bring it up because of privacy issues.) You should be happy that Dirk is apparently indifferent to the romantic overtures, and doesn’t consider them important enough to mention to you, but you are not. You feel uneasy and annoyed because Dirk obviously likes Dave and is amused by him. 

You talk about this to Roxy. 

Actually, rant might be a better term.

AR: They are sparring together on a regular basis; they make companionable body language and expressions at each other and occasionally engage in social contact such as shoulder nudges and hip checks. As you can see from this video footage 13465a.mov Dave is extremely engaged in the conversation they are having and he is blushing slightly at a positive comment from Dirk. His heartrate is also slightly elevated. 

AR: And here, the relevant dialog is at 3.14 “So you and the android emperor are like bffs. How does that work?” Well there’s the part where we engage in romantic pairbonding behavior on a regular basis. And Dirk says “I care about him a lot,” and goes into an abbreviated and mostly inaccurate account of our first meetings and the evolution of our relationship.

AR: And Dave obviously doesn’t get the romantic implications of a great deal of what Dirk’s saying.

AR: Dirk. Dirk. Tell him you’re mine Dirk.

AR: Retroactive telepathy is still not a thing that exists.

TG: lol

TG: tbh he did the same thing for the hgi forum.

TG: kept teh details on the down low.

TG: also, not inccurate

TG: *inaccurate

TG: *the

TG: rose tinted goggles maybe but the boys in luuuuurrrve

AR: He sees much more in me than I actually am sometimes

AR: Even when he acknowledges my previous function and the way I manipulated him.

AR: But we are not talking about Dirk, we are talking about Dave.

AR: And how many pieces I am thinking of tearing him into.

TG: no, definitely no tearing into peices!

TG: it would make Dirk sad

TG: also a question you do not complain (much, lol!) when Jake does the hugging thing

TG: or about hugging in general usually.

TG: what is making you so upset when there is shoulder nudges?

AR: Dave is not part of your kinship group.

AR: I have no objection to Dirk engaging in social contact with his kinship group

AR: Or social interaction outside his kinship group

AR: But Dave is flirting with Dirk, which as previously stated I don’t like.

TG: Have you talked to dirk about it?

AR: That would interfere with his sense of privacy and stating a preference in whom he associates with. 

TG: …

TG: omg

TG: ar the rules we came up with? when you wanted to deal with your anxiety?

TG: and you were woried about hurting dirk? 

TG: they are GUIDELINES for you to follow

TG: they are not hardwired conditions or dirk won’t love you no more.

TG: dirk knows you keep an eye on him 

TG: like all the time 

TG: btw good job on following gudelines

TG: A++ job

TG: good emperor best boyfriend

TG: but dirk is not going to be mad if you go “so I kind of noticed that dave is flirting with you and maybe if you could make it more clear to him that we are an item that would be chill, because he is not getting it, thanks.” 

TG: no blame no criticism just 110% communication.

TG: and like use i feel statements and stuff like that.

AR: I still don’t want to appear to be controlling his behavior. It apparently never occurred to him that Dave’s behavior would be a concern to me, because he hasn’t mentioned it. I don’t want him to feel as if I don’t trust him. Or his judgment of others. 

TG: this is exactly why you should talk to your boyfriend.

TG: when do you get back?

AR: 72 hours.

TG: okay. when you get back, TALK to your BOYFRIEND.

AR: I will follow your advice, thank you as always Roxy. You are a good adviser.

TG: ur welcome!


	3. ==> Dirk: miss your boyfriend like crazy (Pan’s Labyrinth is not a horror movie AR)

You are in the control room, answering questions on the HGI forum in between working on some homework for a data systems class. Most of the questions today seem to be of the “this question was already answered, here’s the link” variety, though there are a few new ones, mostly about “government” laws and infrastructure. Some of the questions are complex enough that you flag them for your Bro’s attention. 

You break up an argument taking place between a poster from a conservative-leaning community and one from a more liberal-leaning community. (It was about whether the “android empire” was more libertarian or more socialist in nature. It quickly descended into name calling.) A few androids had actually joined the conversation, mostly to point out that those were _human_ systems and not accurate representations of the system created by HIC and currently being modified by AR. You refrain from trolling the religious discussion threads. (Jane: “Why does HGI even _have_ religious discussion threads?” You: “Apparently the Book of Revelations has a lot to say about HIC and AR.”) 

You are absolutely not glancing every few minutes at the little countdown app for when AR gets back. (The ETA is now four hours three minutes and forty five seconds and counting.) The tour through Central and South America had been nearly two months. The tour had involved locating and contacting human communities, visiting refugee centers and housing projects in the hubs. Talking to the refugees and immigrants, which was mostly Bro’s thing. AR’s speeches tended to be short and canned: “Welcome to hub designation. The Cancer and Aries units are here to assist you. Lap or palmtops and phones will be passed out to you directly. Please log in and create your accounts and explore the options and opportunities available to you as soon as possible. Strider will now explain in detail what we have to offer.” That same speech, with very little variation over and over; it was kind of hilarious. (The times when AR went off script were occasionally just as funny, but more often disturbing.) 

You had thought you could handle AR being away, because AR was always available to talk to. He contacted you almost every night, giving you the highlights of what was going on where he was, but you’ve been missing him anyway. You think about the way his appendages would sneak around your ankle or waist if he was nearby, (the way that could be either comforting or alarming, depending). You miss him being wrapped around you when you go to sleep. You’re pining, and it’s a little embarrassing, really. (Roxy is sympathetic, Jane teases you gently but is also sympathetic, Jake is…Jake is awkward. He still doesn’t like AR, (which you don’t blame him for, really) doesn’t approve of your relationship with him and doesn’t hide it, though you think he’s starting to understand, or is at least trying to.)

A text message window pops up at the edge of your peripheral vision. You glance at it, and bring it into view. It’s from Dave. 

TG: so uh just to let you know

TG: the food fight is not my fault

TG: i am an innocent bystander 

TG: caught up in drama beyond my control

TT: What happened?

TG: what didnt happen 

TG: so t3r-3z1

TG: who is always lurking around corners walls and ceilings

TG: in hopes of scaring the bejezus out of me

TG: and my bro john

TG: got into an argument in the cafeteria

TG: the subject being a hacking attempt that may or may not have occurred

TG: wherein john allegedly tried to locate t3r-3z1s respite station

TG: and set off the fire alarms while singing in the rain was playing continuously at full volume

TG: he did not succeed and t3r-3z1 decided to confront him in the sixth level cafeteria while he was on lunch break 

TG: they started arguing and then john threw his jello in t3r-3z1s face and t3r-3z1 threw my cant believe its not meatloaf at john and things escalated

TG: we are currently in detention area 316 and need an adult to spring us even though we came here sans parent or guardian

TG: i think they do not believe we are sans parent or guardian or that we should have been assigned one since were minors

TG: what do

TT: We don’t actually get a lot of unaccompanied kids coming in as refugees. It’s mostly family groups or adults. 

TT: So there aren’t any hard and fast rules as yet.

TT: In most cases when kids your age or younger came in without an adult someone volunteers to keep an eye on them. 

TT: But you guys came in as a group and there was that whole thing with your friend Jade and then me helping and showing you around the place and hanging out with you.

TT: So I think I might be the technical adult in question. I’ll be there in a few minutes. 

TG: cool

You log out of the TGI forum, leave the control center and head for the detention area. It turns out you are the technical adult in question. After talking with the security personnel, Dave and John are released into your custody. “‘Kids’ huh?” Dave asks when he reaches you. “You aren’t _that_ much older.”

“Old enough to get you out of detention,” you say with a grin. Dave rolls his eyes. You turn to John. “Hey John. I’m supposed to make sure you go to mandatory socialization class.”

“What?” John asks, somewhere between dismayed and confused. 

“Dude, you tried to hack the system to play a prank on someone,” you explain. “Now you have mandatory socialization class. You’re lucky you weren’t actually successful, and Terezi opted to confront you instead of reporting you for mandatory detention and maintenance.” 

“Opted to throw food at me,” John grumbles irritably. “And she started it with the creepy stalking thing.

“It’s not that big a deal,” Dave says. “She’s never actually attacked or anything.”

“It’s creepy! And weird!” John shoots back. “Why are you defending her?” 

“She’s pretty okay when she’s not in lurk mode,” Dave says. “And you’re the one that started the food fight.” 

“Is that android in trouble too? Can I report her for being a stalkery weirdo?” John asks. 

“Yeah, she’s in trouble too, no you can’t report her for being a stalkery weirdo, because that was literally her function--surveillance and enforcement of norms,” you say. “The Libra units haven’t been assigned a new function, but that doesn’t exactly stop them from well, being stalkery weirdos.” 

“Also she’s like, six,” Dave says. “A six year old _android_ , sure, but still six.”

“She isn’t a little kid, Dave!” John says with an irritable look at his friend. “Stop talking like she is!”

“She is totally a little kid,” Dave says. “Kinda reminds me of Jade and Rose when they were her age. She’s scared the crap out of me more than a few times, but she didn’t mean anything by it.” 

That was kind of interesting. It sounded like Dave had made friends with the android. It also sounded like Dave and John had had some variation of this argument before. It was kind of funny though, that John was complaining about whether not someone was a child, when he was pretty much a kid who had done something childish. Dave is not shy about pointing this out. 

“Bluh. Okay, whatever,” John says. “Thanks for getting us out of detention, Dirk.” 

“Don’t mention it. You’re both going to get an e-mail about community rules and penalties for breaking them,” you tell them. “So will anyone involved in the food fight. Read it and follow the directions and everything should be fine.”

You follow John and Dave back to their room, chatting idly about John’s work assignment and programming classes and Dave’s art classes. Dave asks questions about the HGI forum, and you talk about some of the weirder stories you’ve had to debunk. John reminisces about pranks he’d pulled while living in Lafayette, Dave brings up the ones that apparently backfired. (Which results in some friendly shoving.) 

They’re met at the door to their room by their friend Rose, who does not look very happy with them. “Thank you for escorting them home, Mr. Strider,” she says. “And getting them out of detention.”

“He wasn’t _escorting_ us Rose,” John protests. “He was just--“

“Basking in the aura of my awesomeness,” Dave says.

“That was totally what I was doing,” you say, deadpan. “It wasn’t a problem at all,” you tell Rose. 

After some more conversation, you decide to head to the apartment suite you share with your friends. You work on a project you’re doing for Bro, in between doing a little research on the network and (not) ignoring the countdown app. At around fifteen minutes and counting, you get a message from AR.

AR: Dirk. We will be returning soon. 

AR: I have made arrangements for a romantic dinner to take place approximately two hours after arrival and debriefing.

AR: Please meet me in my respite station dining room then.

AR: There will be music you might find pleasing and a selection of South American horror movies that I discovered and had subtitled.

TT: Sounds romantic. I’ll definitely be there.

AR: See you soon. I missed you.

You can’t help but smile at the last comment. It was nice when AR slipped in lines like that, when he tried to work on the “romantic” aspects of the relationship. AR didn’t really get “repeating rote phrases to indicate intimacy and affection,” so it didn’t always occur to him to use them. 

You take a shower and change, while listening to the “press conference” Bro and AR make about the trip. There’s a lot of video footage of the trip, and overviews of the conferences with various community leaders. Some of the video footage involves mountains, rainforests and plains, of overgrown cities and towns, ancient ruins. These have links to “environmental assessment reports.” There’s also footage of the South American hubs, and the housing/infrastructure projects for human immigrants there.

The way you get to AR’s respite station is via the control room. (There are two other exits, one is a service/back entrance, and the other leads to the hangar/garage where AR’s personal airship and other vehicles are kept.) The entrance is set in the floor and is approximately where AR suspends himself when he’s directly logged into the network. You stand in the right place, and send a signal from your collar that activates the elevator. 

The elevator goes down a short shaft, and at the bottom is a foyer. The walls, floor and ceiling are black reflective metal, and the temperature is about 70 degrees. It’s very quiet--the whole place is soundproofed, and dimly lit. (It’s a little eerie, how quiet it is.) Most android respite stations are one room with very basic amenities; Chair and/or platform, a place to plug into the network. AR’s was more like an apartment or house, mostly because of you. There’s a bedroom, a living room, kitchen, dining room, bathroom, laundry and a workroom/study. An Aries unit kept the place clean, stocked with food, and did the cooking for special, romantic occasions. (The cooking was actually pretty good since the android had found some good, detailed recipes. You ended up talking to the Aries unit about chemical receptors and referring her to Jane’s Dad for cooking lessons.) 

AR is waiting for you just outside the dining room door, and he pulls you into an embrace with his appendages. You go along willingly, wrapping your arms around him, and leaning against his chest. One of AR’s arms goes around your waist, and a hand cradles the back of your head. “You missed me?” AR’s asks fondly. 

“The countdown app was a dumb idea,” you tell him. “I kept getting distracted by it, especially when it got closer to you being here.” 

“I noticed and considered teasing you about it,” AR says. The casual reminder that AR kept very close tabs on you makes your face heat. “But I thought it would be better just to let the anticipation build while you attempted to distract yourself.”

You snort a laugh, and sort of lean against him. “I’m glad you’re back. What’s for dinner?” Whatever it was, it smelled really good. Dinner is enchiladas, beans and rice. (Sourced from a combination of the farms outside the city and recovered food stores.) AR asks about the projects you’ve been working on, and what you’ve been up to while he was gone. You ask him about new data that he’s added to the network, and he tells you about books and films and art that’s been recovered and restored. 

After dinner, you both end up on the couch in the living room. One of the horror movie choices is _Pan’s Labyrinth_ , and you have an argument about whether it’s horror or not. (AR’s argument is that the sliding layers of reality and fantasy, lies and the truth, create a sense of psychological horror, you argue it’s a straightforward example of magical realism.) You both end up watching _Pan’s Labyrinth_ and a ghost story set in a boarding school.

You are curled up against AR’s side as the credits roll on the second movie. AR has dimmed the lights of his circuits, and several of his appendages are curled around you comfortably. You are thinking of slipping into AR’s lap and kissing him, but AR says, “There is something I would like to talk to you about.” His tone is very quiet and serious.

You look up at him, feeling concerned and a little uneasy. “What about?” 

“Your friendship with Dave,” AR says. “Which I don’t object to, except for the part where he dared to hurt you when you attempted to control his hysterics. I noticed that he’s been…flirting with you.” There’s a definite note of disapproval in AR’s voice when he says that. 

“I think it’s mostly just joking around,” you say. Dave made flirtatious or sexual comments a lot. They were usually pretty funny, but you didn’t think he was really serious about it. You ignored most of it, and he usually backed off. “I’ve seen him make flirtatious comments at his friends. Is it a problem?” AR’s appendages tighten around you briefly, which pretty much means, “yes.” 

“Temperature readings and behavior analysis while in your company indicates that he is more serious than I feel comfortable with,” AR says. “Evidence suggests he has a ‘crush’ on you.” 

“Do you want me to tell him to back off? Avoid him?” The last words come out a little more defensively than you actually intended them to be. 

“You can associate with whomever you choose, even if I don’t like them, Dirk,” AR says in a reasonable tone. “Did you know about his crush?” 

“I don’t think so, not really?” You think about hanging out with Dave, sparring with him, talking to him and his friends. Dave sent you little comics and photographs, asked you questions about the city, talked to you about what Lafayette had been like. (Horrible, mostly. The poor kid and his friends had been through a lot.) But he also talked about Jade and how much he missed her, so it hadn’t occurred to you that he might have a crush. You say as much to AR, who nods.

“You did not tell me about the crush. I worried that you might have feared my reaction,” AR confesses. “I also thought it was because you didn’t think it would be something worth mentioning.”

You think about this for a moment. “I think I would have been worried about your reaction, if I’d been aware of this crush,” you tell him. “I don’t want you to think I’d cheat on you.” The idea of AR being actively jealous made you feel a little queasy in fact. You knew what he was capable of. 

“I would never harm you,” AR says as if he knows what you’re thinking about. “Or anyone you cared about. I might make exceptions if you were betrayed in some way by someone you cared for however.” 

“That’s fair,” you say. “I don’t think my friends would be able to hurt me enough that I’d want you to hurt them, though.”

“Your kinship group is as loyal to you as the reverse, so I doubt that my having to punish them for any transgression will ever be likely,” AR says. “But Dave is another matter.”

You frown a little. AR does not usually use the names of humans he doesn’t like. He usually goes for the epithets. He only uses Jake’s name because he’d decided that Jake was “useful” in that Jake could be relied on to “protect” you. “Because he hit me?” 

“That is one reason. Another is that it took him some time to properly apologize. He was more embarrassed than repentant when his crime was revealed, and his female friend had to cover for him. He had uncontrollable hysterics when Feferi retrieved his friend when he should have realized she was there to help. I don’t trust him and he has a crush on you.” 

You are not going to even try to point out that Dave definitely had every reason to be afraid of a strange android appearing to abscond with his girlfriend. “ _Do_ you want me to tell him to back off?” you ask again.

“No,” AR says. “What I want to do is make it very clear to him that you belong to me.” 


	4. ==>Dave: play a game (discover your crush’s boyfriend is kind of scary)

Dirk is not around the first few days after the emperor and his Bro get back from South America. You are cool with this, though your sparring matches and tutoring lessons get postponed. Dirk is doing Family Things with his Bro and hanging out with the emperor. The sudden absence of Dirk kind of makes you realize how _much_ you’ve been hanging around Dirk. You’ve been following him around like a puppy, basically. You feel a little guilty about that, as if you’d been neglecting your friends, even though John and Rose have also kind of spread out to do their own things since you’ve gotten here. (It’s kind of a relief. You don’t have to keep such close tabs on each other anymore.) Everyone has their own thing to do; it’s just that your new things to do had pretty much involved also hanging out with Dirk.

You try not to be dumb about this. You hang out with your friends and visit Jade more frequently. (Jade is due to be woken up in just a few more days, according to Feferi. You’re excited and can’t wait to show her the city. You know she’s going to love it here.) There are comics to draw, online lessons to attend, and Terezi to get weird android jokes from. The jokes are mostly animated sequences and images that are visual puns of some kind. Or have a caption like “they will keep doing this,” (animation of something, like a Gemini’s repair drones forming a geometric pattern on a wall that only loops once) or “redacted from report” (surreal image). 

You are considering sending a text asking Dirk when he thinks he might be available for sparring when you get a message from him instead. 

TT: Hey. Sorry about cancelling our last digital art/computer class. We should be able to schedule another one soon.

TT: Did you want to spar or hang out or something? We could talk about it then. 

TT: There are new movies that haven’t been uploaded to the servers yet.

You resist the temptation to write back the moment the message appears. You are making an effort to be chill here. (You have no chill.) You deliberately wait fifteen minutes before responding. 

TG: no need to bribe me with movies bro

No wait that’s dumb. You sound needy or something. Flirty, and you are actually trying not to do that. Sadly it’s too late. You hit “enter” before you could get completely through your second thought. Dammit.

TG: i am definitely here for the sparring and also possibly hanging out 

TG: when did you want to meet

TT: Later this afternoon if that’s okay. In the gym with the climbing walls and the big parkour course.

TG: dude are we going to be sparring on the parkour course

TG: say were going to be doing that 

TG: that would be awesome

TT: I thought that might be cool. How much parkour experience do you have?

TG: my bro was teaching me some 

TG: mostly inside the compound though not outside 

TG: you probably have more experience you were like a forager right

TT: Not as much as you might be thinking. We mostly concentrated on making fast getaways if necessary. No fancy stunts.

TG: still more experience than me 

TG: what time in the afternoon

TT: Four sound good?

TG: yeah

TT: See you then. 

The “big parkour course” is basically a maze of “ruins” and alleys. (Two to three level “buildings” with five to maybe ten feet of clearance between them, and a lot of freestanding walls of various heights.) It takes up most of the gym. There are places to duck into and jump up or over, alcoves and tunnels, bridges. Lots of places you have to crawl under or into in order to get from one area to another. People on this course are usually playing some variation of hide-and-seek or scavenger hunt. It’s generally fun, but it’s generally the kind of fun that makes some people comment on choosing to reenact something that at one point would have been a life and death scenario. (Specifically Rose, even though she plays the scavenger hunt game.)

You turn up at the appointed time and place with your shinai and in your workout clothes. The gym is empty except for Dirk, who is also in workout clothes, and armed with a shinai. “Where is everyone?” You ask. 

Dirk shrugs. “There were a few people, but they cleared out before you got here,” he says. 

Dirk proposes a hide-and-seek type game. You get a twenty second head start to find a hiding place, and he tries to find you. Then you spar, and try to get away and find another hiding place. Unless of course you manage to ambush him, in which case he is now “it.” The first place you hide is up on the second level of one of the “buildings.” You’re about a hundred feet from the starting point, and have two possible escape routes if he finds you first. 

TT: This is actually weirdly nostalgic in a reversed kind of way. 

Dirk texts you. It’s been about three minutes. 

TG: really now

TT: Kind of. Sometimes I wonder what AR was thinking when he found me.

TT: I mean besides “fulfilling his function.” He stopped to talk, and was willing to negotiate, though it was mostly find to out why I wasn’t acting within whatever he thought was usual human parameters.

TG: reversed nostalgic being youre kinda doing the hunting

TG: creepy

TG: but you cannot creep me out enough to break cover

TG: you cannot out creep my bro he was simply the best there is

TT: I wasn’t trying to do that, but since you mention it…don’t look out the window

You do not look out the window. You might have jumped a little though. You are not dumb enough to text back something like “how did you know…” because that would be dumb. Instead, you strain your ears, trying to catch the sound of feet on the ladder up from the ground floor. You don’t hear anything. 

TG: nostalgia isnt usually associated with someone trying to kill you though

TG: i mean i get you got each others backs and are friends now

TG: but he tried to kill you

TT: Actively wanted to kill me. But he kept agreeing to negotiate with me, and was willing to let me try to help him after he saved my life. 

TT: I think I kept surprising him, and he kept surprising himself, with what he was capable of doing. 

TG: like becoming emperor of everything

TT: Something like that. 

You check your surroundings, and when you don’t see Dirk, you exit through the roof, and jump to the next “building.” Keeping low, you do a little scouting, going from roof to roof, but you don’t spot him.

You go back down to ground level, and try to find him. He finds you first. There’s a quick exchange of blows where you end up getting nearly backed into a corner, but you catch on to what he’s doing, and manage to get away. He chases you, but you manage to lose him. You duck into a building, go back up a level, go to the next building over, and then up to one of the third level platforms. 

When you catch your breath, you stay high until you find him. You ambush him and there’s another match, this one lasting a little longer. This time you manage to disarm him, but he manages to evade you long enough to grab his shinai and run. You tear off after him, but he’s too fast, and finds cover before you can catch up.

Not knowing where he went or where he is means he might ambush you, so you back track a bit and go up to the second level and think about where he might have gone.

TT: You like going high, huh?

TG: there are certain advantages to being up high instead of at ground level

TG: the view for one thing

TT: if this were a real city environment going up high would be a very dangerous move.

TT: Unstable structures, rotted flooring, etc.

TG: true but if an android were chasing me it would be more dangerous for him than me because he’d be heavier. 

TG: that was bros reasoning anyway

TT: Was that method generally successful for him? You speak of him in the past tense. 

It’s still Dirk’s user ID but the words are red. You almost drop the phone. “What the fuck?”

TT: I think by your reaction that I am better at creepy than your brother. 

It’s still red text, though even if it wasn’t in red text, the writing is nothing like Dirk’s. Still, you type: what the hell dirk

TT: That wasn’t me. That was AR. 

TG: he can just hijack your texts

TG: Technically I could “hijack” anyone’s text.

You actually do drop the phone this time. “Shit!” You pick the phone back up, though your hands are shaking a little bit. There isn’t a scratch on the phone. They’re really sturdy, sturdier than what you’ve heard phones were like back when there was human civilization. The phone rings and you almost drop the thing again. Whoever it is, it is not one of your contacts. You answer it anyway. 

“Technically, I’ve been impersonating Dirk for most of the previous conversation,” AR says. 

You have no idea what to say about this, absolutely no idea. “What--why?” is about as close as you get to a coherent question. “Technically?”

“Dirk approved and corrected the initial comments where necessary for tone and syntax,” AR replies. “It was part of the initial agreement in allowing me to participate in this exercise.” 

"He approved you impersonating him?” Dirk was “allowing” AR to participate? You are not entirely sure what’s going on here. 

“I suggested the format of the game with the intention to intercept you in the course of the competition. Dirk made a counter- proposal where I did not enter the game but instead impersonated him.”

“Why?” This is beyond weird, you have seen the iceberg of weirdness and there is more of the weird under the water than what you see above the water. You can sense that right now. There is even weirder things going on, and you’re going to find out about it. “I mean if you wanted to join in--” It would have been weird being on the course with an actual android that had _actually killed people_ and you’re not sure you would have been comfortable with it, especially since you knew AR really did not like humans except Dirk but… they were friends, right? 

“I did not want to ‘join in,’” AR says in chilly tones. “I wanted to intercept you, and make certain things _very clear_ to you.”

“And what’s that?” 

“I do not have Dirk’s back. I have _Dirk._ There is no moment where I am not aware of him. There is no situation involving Dirk where I will not be involved. Dirk. Is. Mine.” The call disconnects. 

Thoughts are going around in circles in your head. He never told you he was seeing someone. He never told you he wasn’t seeing anyone He never told you that someone he was seeing was a murderbot turned emperor either. The words _I do not have Dirk’s back. I have_ Dirk, roll around in your head. _Dirk. Is. Mine._ The android’s tone had been darkly creepy and possessive. Angry. It immediately turns your thought toward worry for Dirk. Did you get him in trouble? (Dirk seemed okay. He hadn’t looked hurt or beaten up or anything. Was Dirk okay?)

Dirk eventually finds you. You are not making yourself particularly hard to find. You’re on one of the “roofs” with your legs dangling over the edge. Dirk comes to sit beside you on the roof edge. 

“I’m really sorry,” he says after a few minutes of just sitting beside you. “I wanted to just tell you, but AR wanted something more dramatic.” 

“Why didn’t you just tell me before?” You ask. You’re trying not to sound hurt, but you do feel hurt. 

“I’ve had to deal with some pretty bad reactions,” Dirk admits. “Most of the people in the Tower know me and AR are together in some sense, but outside…it’s a lot more complicated.”

“I guess it would be,” you say. “I still wish I’d known. I um. I like you.”

“I noticed,” Dirk says with a slight smile. “I didn’t realize you were actually crushing on me though, until it was pointed out. So, I guess I’m sorry for that?”

“It’s okay,” you say, and it’s almost not a white lie. “I mean I’ve got a girlfriend kind of, so I shouldn’t have been crushing in the first place. So I guess it’s okay?” 

“No, it’s not okay,” Dirk says. “This is a pretty crappy way to find something out.”

“You went along with it though,” you point out.

“I thought this would be better than AR’s plan, which might have been a little more dangerous,” Dirk said. “I couldn’t talk him out of it entirely, but this suited his…mean streak.” 

“A little more dangerous?” You ask, because you can’t help yourself. 

“I thought he might go overboard. He…doesn’t like most humans, except for me and Roxy. And I think he gets along with Bro pretty well. He tolerates my other friends because they’re my friends and he knows them. He doesn’t know you very well yet.” 

“And I busted your lip,” you say. 

“And you busted my lip,” Dirk says with a smile. “I won’t blame you for being mad at me, this was a pretty crappy thing to pull on you.”

“I’m not mad,” you say. “Not really. Like I said, I shouldn’t have been flirting anyway.” A beat. “You really didn’t notice I had a crush?”

“You flirt with all your friends, Dave,” Dirk says. “So no, I really didn’t notice. Sorry?” 

“My smooth moves need work.” 

“You have smooth moves?” Dirk asks archly. 

You laugh a little, and the day sucks a little less. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Get out of there! The calls are coming from inside the house!"
> 
> There is a smutty timestamp for after the previous chapter [here](http://othercat2.tumblr.com/post/145414558586/re-tags-safety-dance-3-ao3)


	5. ==>AR: consider the aftermath (have a chat with Ms. Harley about your respective boyfriends)

It had been very clear in your imagination, what you wanted to do. Intercept the game of hide and seek, and get Dave alone. Surprise him, and put him in actual fear of his safety. (Push him against a wall with your appendages, watch his eyes widen in fear. Feel him struggle uselessly, then freeze when a new threat--spread claws--is introduced.) You didn’t go so far as to plan a speech. You didn’t go so far as to attempt to imagine what he’d say in response. 

Instead, you told Dirk what you wanted to do. (You: “I think this would be a perfect opportunity to get my point across to Dave.” Dirk: “Can we talk about this?”) Negotiation is an important part of a relationship. After some debate, you accept Dirk’s counter proposal of no direct contact and subverted communication with Dirk as the proxy. 

You did not expect to enjoy it as much as you did. You thought the counter-proposal would feel like it had when he let you into the compound to dispose of his enemies and rescue his brother. You had not liked the increasing number of exceptions and limitations and had even thought of adding an additional ten minutes or so to Dirk’s last moments every time Dirk made another rule, or attempted to guide you. You had expected the counter proposal to make you feel the way you had back in the compound; increasing levels of irritation and resentment, definite questioning about going along with the arrangement. 

It hadn’t. 

Instead, in a very strange and strangely satisfying way, it felt as if you and Dirk were working in partnership on the same hunt. (Though Dirk would not let you help him find Dave, and refused to use his computer’s sensory array to “cheat.”) It had also been satisfying to “creep out” Dave. The look on Dave’s face when he realized that you’d been impersonating Dirk, and could also infiltrate “private” communications was extremely entertaining. 

(You are not sure how to share with Dirk your feelings about the experience. You need to think about this.)

So, the exercise had been for the most part successful. You communicated your possession of Dirk; Dirk confirmed that there was a relationship to Dave. The part where Dave distances himself from Dirk and also feels unsafe in his living arrangements was anticipated. Trust is important in any relationship. Dave, having experienced a loss of trust, withdraws slightly. He does not seek Dirk out as often to answer questions, and does not communicate as often via text. (You don’t think Dave is quite cognizant of how easily you could mimic Dirk’s voice.) They still interact, but Dave is more cautious, more careful. (Dirk notices the change, and is obviously saddened by it.) Dave does not talk about his encounter with you to his friends. His friends do notice that he returns from the game looking unhappy. When questioned, he admits to his crush on Dirk and claims that he revealed the crush, and Dirk very gently let him down. The young male friend is outraged on behalf of the other young female, who was apparently his cousin as well as Dave’s romantic partner. The young female shushes the young male. “It didn’t go anywhere, and I doubt Jade would be seriously upset,” she says. “Especially since it didn’t go anywhere, John.” 

“I thought you were going to stop with the boy-thing when you started dating Jade,” the young male says. 

“Actually most of our dates centered on talking about cute boys,” Dave says. 

“Were any of the cute boys named John Egbert?” the young female asks archly. 

“Maybe,” Dave says. “Mostly about how dumb he was though, for not seeing what a great catch I am.”

The young male rolls his eyes. “Okay, I get it, you’re bi,” he flops back onto his bed. “And a cheating cheater who cheats. And flirts with guys who have girlfriends.” 

“Boyfriend, actually,” Dave says. “So at least this time I did not get my heart broke over the straightest straight in Texas.” The young male flips Dave off with both hands. 

You turn your attention to other things, but keep some of your attention on Dave and his friends. There are decisions to make about housing projects and finding community leaders among the human immigrants and refugees. You’ve managed to find a surprising number of candidates, even using your most rigorous filtering processes. (There are a number of personality traits you’re looking for, and a certain level of experience in leadership, management and logistics.) You contact and interview each of your candidates via proxies and send the transcripts to Strider, with abstracts and a list of keywords. 

DS: what the hell auto?

AR: These are individuals who are already in unofficial leadership roles. I need you to review a statistical sample of ten percent of these interviews, chosen at random covering all hubs with a human population. From that ten percent choose twenty subordinates who will be reporting to you directly.

DS: …okay

AR: Ideally the gender and age demographics of your subordinates should be balanced. The task has medium level priority. You have three weeks.

DS: …is this about the integration conversation we had in peru?

AR: Approximately, yes. Also, Dirk has been worried about you and feels that you have been “stretching yourself too thin.” Having subordinates to delegate to may help you find time to rest.

DS: dirk worries too much im fine really

AR: Stop making Dirk worry, or you will find yourself in the infirmary.

DS: because youll have f3f-3r1 drag me there kicking and screaming right

AR: No. She will sedate you first.

DS: i am saluting and clicking my heels mon frere in law i will get started on this as soon as possible

Strider is very clearly not going to let the “poster incident” go. (You can see where “mon frere” would slant to “mein fuhrer,” though it would be a bit of a pronunciation stretch.) You still think marketing the idea of safety and security and encouraging reproduction is a good idea. The posters were designed with that in mind. Propaganda is effective and it works, and the themes were not necessarily Fascist in nature. 

You check in on Roxy and the ongoing autonomy project. There are a number of units who are not comfortable with the idea of autonomy, mostly based on their positions in the HIC-created hierarchy. There also those who feel their limitations are too much a part of their personality to be changed or modified. (Roxy feels these latter objections are legitimate. You understand the reasoning, but are not necessarily convinced because your own situation and experience was so much different from a mass-produced unit.) You frequently field questions about the differences between your personalities--before compliance, during compliance and after compliance--these are interesting and stimulating conversations. You don’t point out that the move toward autonomy is already in process because _they are talking to you._ Something they would not have dared to with HIC even if they thought of it.

Various other projects are proceeding with very few setbacks. There are weather and environmental problems affecting the railroad program. There’s been a number of severe earthquakes around the world. (Two hubs sustained minor damage. Of more concern are human compounds which had been severely destroyed or damaged. Someone has posted a number of volunteer requests among the human populations in hubs nearest the destroyed compounds.) There are hurricanes and a volcano eruption to deal with. 

A number of Libra units are petitioning to be allowed to resume their observation/normalization functions in tandem with the creation of a human police force. Most of them have been engaged in private studies and function explorations. Many of them are also having active conversations on socialization and integration of “human units.” Very few of them have been seriously damaged by frightened or angry humans. (This is something of a surprise. Libra units seem to possess insatiable curiosities, and have very little actual social skills despite being enforcers of norms. The combination of traits would seem very likely to cause riots. Libra units have apparently ingratiated themselves to the human population by finding lost children, assisting with minor tasks, or mediating arguments.) 

Other units tasked with environmental support are showing an interest in various human gardening and agricultural projects. These are mostly Virgo and Taurus units. Cancer and Aries units are attempting social interactions with humans with varying levels of success, while assisting with building projects. (There is still a significant communication barrier, though in the past few months you’ve seen a sign language developing.) You are also noticing an interest in all castes for decorative/aesthetic decoration. (Not, surprisingly enough related to the autonomy project but instead an apparent result of mirroring/mimicking human clothing and decoration.) 

You attend to Dirk. Dirk blames himself for the distance between himself and Dave. (He will never blame you for being yourself. The distance is his fault because he didn’t shut Dave down soon enough and you felt you had to take measures. _It is not actually his fault_ and he won’t listen to you on the subject.) You indicate that perhaps the distance is only Dave wanting to be with his romantic partner, who was now conscious and healthy. Dirk agrees in the sort of tone that indicates that he still thinks it’s his fault. 

Dave is a problem. 

There are certain comparisons you can make between Dave’s friends and Dirk’s. Both are extremely tightly knit and gender- balanced groups within the same age-range. They share a general similarity concerning phenotype--a male and female blond, a male and female brunet. There are two vision-impaired individuals, and two not, two with slight overbites and large, uneven teeth, two with relatively even teeth with no overbites. 

The psychological and social differences are more varied, owing to the usual combination of nature and nurture. Dave and his friends grew up in an environment not very conducive to mental and emotional growth, and experienced extended periods of food insecurity. (All four show signs of childhood malnutrition and two of them are still engaging in “hoarding” behaviors.) Dirk and his group experienced a much safer environment with relatively stable home lives and less food insecurity, and they were actively encouraged to pursue interests that assisted with the upkeep of the community. (This seems to have not been the case for Dave and his group.) 

Dave hovered around his romantic partner from the moment of her awakening. He tells her about the city and includes an abbreviated version of the incident where he punched Dirk. “Wow, Dave, nice!” the romantic partner says, her voice a little raspy from disuse and the removed breathing tubes, and smacks his head. 

“Jade, you weren’t conscious! You weren’t breathing and this android comes out of nowhere and grabs you right out of my arms. What am I supposed to do?” 

“Not beat people up, maybe?” the romantic partner says. “Did you apologize? Did Rose _make you apologize?_ ”

“I apologized…um, a few days after,” Dave admits. “I was really embarrassed, and kind of intimidated, because the next people we met were Dirk’s Bro who’s some kind of Prime Minister guy and the robot emperor--”

The romantic partner is in the infirmary for an extra day or two. When she learns about the illness prevention implant, she immediately wants one. (She also tries to talk Dave into getting one. Dave is reticent but doesn’t attempt to discourage her from getting the implant.) She receives visits from her two other friends and they fill her in on what they’ve been up to. She seems to be very excited about the classes available, and enthusiastic about exploring the city. She creates a user ID and profile immediately upon getting a laptop and phone. 

You are surprised by how forthcoming Dave is about his crush on Dirk. He tells his romantic partner about it within a few days of her awakening. They are sitting out on one of the lower level glassed-in galleries overlooking the city. He’s sitting on the floor leaning against her leg while the romantic interest is sitting on a couch, with her laptop. “…I really screwed up, Jade,” he says at the end of the story. “I really really screwed up.” 

“Well, it sounds like it could have been worse?” 

“Yeah,” Dave says. “I mean, objectively it was about as bad as one of John’s pranks.” Dave’s voice changes pitch. “‘Sorry about greasing the stairs Dave eheheheh.’”

“John is such a dick sometimes,” the romantic interest says. “You got a concussion!”

“Well, he was aiming for that stupid fucker Adam, so whatever. He got him eventually,” Dave says.

“Ugh. So objectively but subjectively?” the romantic interest asks.

“Subjectively it was kind of shitty, and Dirk apparently talked him down from actually hunting me down to beat me up behind the garden shed. He said his boyfriend who is always watching him has a mean streak, Jade.”

“That’s…not good,” the romantic partner says, sounding worried. “Did he seem okay?” 

“I guess so? I mean he seemed okay okay, not fake okay. And from rumors and vivid personal experience, the emperor does not like it if Dirk is hurt, insulted or even mildly inconvenienced. The um, implant thingie you have is because Dirk got the flu and he freaked out and decided to prevent any possibility of future illnesses.”

“Oh,” the romantic partner says. “That sounds kind of sweet? But also really disturbing.” 

“Yeah.”

“And you’re worried?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Do you still have a crush on him?” 

The “yeah,” is barely audible. 

“When do I get to meet him?” 

Dave whines his romantic partner’s name, and knocks his head against her leg.

“Don’t ‘Jaaaaade’ me buster,” she says, poking him in the shoulder. “Are you avoiding him because of me?”

“Because of his boyfriend?” 

She pokes him again. 

“Okay, also because you were sick and I couldn’t tell you anything because you were comatose.”

“Dumbass,” the romantic interest says fondly. “Introduce me to him. I want to meet the guy who’s turned my guy’s head.”

“Oh god,” Dave says. 

You feel somewhat misrepresented, after listening in on the conversation. You examine this feeling, which presents itself as an urge to explain yourself. This is not a feeling you’ve had in a context like this before. There is no real reason to explain yourself to Dave. His apparent worry for Dirk’s welfare while laudable should not be important to you except where security is concerned. (You do not think Dave would attempt to attack you. You also don’t think you’d punish him very much for the attempt if he did, if you thought it was founded in a desire to protect Dirk.) Still, there is a desire to explain yourself to someone. 

Roxy is of course the first person you consider. She has been helpful in helping you understand Dirk. She was helpful while you navigated the extremely complicated feelings and thoughts you had while Dirk was in the infirmary recovery from his injuries. She is someone you consider a “friend.” She would listen to your explanation and understand your motivations. She would help you understand what you were feeling. She might help you try to fix the problem. 

The problem you are not sure what “fixing the problem” requires when the problem is Dave. You consider talking to Dirk, but discard the idea. Dirk is too close to the problem, and blames himself for the problem. (Dave distancing himself from Dirk. Dave having a crush on Dirk. You not liking the latter and beginning to become displeased with the former.) You are not sure you could communicate what you are feeling, and he would not like that you were “spying” on Dave. (Roxy would also be unhappy about “spying.” Possibly any human you talked to would be unhappy about the spying.) 

Dave _is_ the problem. 

You consider Dave’s romantic partner. You’re curious about her. She has very high intelligence for a human and has a wide variety of interests that she enthusiastically dives into once she becomes aware that she can study anything she likes. (Mechanical engineering appears to be one of her interests. She also likes botany, biology and astronomy. She does not seem interested in specializing any time soon, the way the other female in Dave’s kinship group has.) The relationship between her and Dave is interesting. You’re curious about the dynamics. They are very physical and intimate with each other, but have not engaged in intercourse in the time you’ve observed them. (The four of them are still sharing a large room, rather than moving to a suite of rooms. Privacy might be an issue.) Contacting her seems like a possibility. 

AR: Hello Jade Harley. I am Dirk’s romantic partner. Your romantic partner Dave became friends with Dirk and developed romantic feelings for him. I informed your romantic partner that Dirk is mine, which Dirk confirmed. As a result, Dave distanced himself from his friendship with Dirk. Dirk is unhappy about this and blames himself, though the fault is not his. Since you are Dave’s romantic partner, I am hoping that you might have some insight on the best way to reassure Dave that I have no objection to Dirk socializing with him. In addition, I have a few questions that are undoubtedly personal. 

GG: …

GG: are you really the emperor or is this a really weird prank??

GG: personal questions?

AR: I am the emperor. This is not a prank. I have been observing your kinship group. (Which while an invasion of privacy is not something I can actually help. There is nothing I am not aware of within this hub or any other hub. Your kinship group is tagged as a priority due to your connection to my romantic partner.) 

GG: wow! you must have some seriously epic processing power your majesty! how do you manage multitasking on that level? there’s hundreds of hubs all over the world.

AR: Call me “AR” Jade. And it’s not really that difficult, or at least it’s not something I perceive as difficult. I am currently overseeing a number of other projects and tasks as we write to each other. There are a number of computer science courses available if you are interested in learning more.

AR: My questions?

GG: i guess i could answer questions. do i have the option of not answering if they make me too uncomfortable?

AR: Yes.

GG: can i also ask you questions?

AR: A certain amount of reciprocation is certainly allowable.

GG: okay. i am not sure how to help you “reassure” dave. you kind of scared him, and he’s afraid of getting dirk in trouble. 

AR: I did intend to scare Dave. I am still not happy that he punched Dirk. And I am not happy about his crush. He does not have to worry about “getting Dirk in trouble.” I don’t control who Dirk chooses to socialize with.

GG: well i don’t think that was really clear? from what dave said, you said dirk was “yours” and that you were always watching dirk.

AR: Dirk is mine. His safety and health, psychological, emotional and physical is my first priority. I told him “There is no situation involving Dirk where I will not be involved.”

GG: but you don’t mind who dirk socializes with?

AR: As an example: one of Dirk’s close friends and a member of his kinship group has previously threatened me on multiple occasions. I intensely dislike Jake English, and I have sincere doubts about his potential genetic contribution to future human generations. On the other hand he is commendably loyal to Dirk, and I can rely on him to protect Dirk if that should be necessary.

AR: I do not know Dave well enough that I could say the same for him.

GG: dave is super protective of the people he cares about. which is actually kind of annoying sometimes! he kinda treats me like i can’t take care of myself sometimes, and we fight.

AR: I am told that conflict is a normal part of any relationship. I feel a strong need to protect Dirk because he has done a number things in the name of protecting those he cares about that make me suspect he has a “death wish.”

GG: like what?

AR: He offered his own life to me in exchange for his friends. He saved my life even though according to a bargain we’d made, I was going to kill him. He saved my life again when I faced the previous android ruler, and he nearly died in the process. He loves me, and there is nothing that I would not do for him.

GG: that’s really romantic!

AR: He has no sense of self-preservation.

GG: i don’t think dave does either. he’d get into huge fights trying to protect me or rose or john. he talked rose and john into leaving with me when i got sick. i probably would have died one way or another if we hadn’t left the compound, and they might have died when they escaped.

AR: The Lafayette community is “getting on my last nerve.” A question: you were not upset concerning Dave’s crush on Dirk? 

GG: not really? i don’t mind if he gets a crush, and he knows i’ve had crushes too?

AR: Would you care if he acted on the crush?

GG: you mean flirting? or trying to go on a date?

AR: Either.

GG: well, if he did it behind my back i’d be really unhappy with him! i don’t think he’d do that though. he was really guilty that he couldn’t tell me about dirk!

AR: You have an “open” relationship with Dave?

GG: i guess? it’s not like we’re married or something. though if i had to get married dave would be my first choice? 

AR: You certainly do not have to “get married” if you don’t want to. A certain amount of stability is required when you decide to have children, but a domestic partner is not necessary since the economic and social pressures that require a domestic partner or spouse in the rearing of children are not present or should not be present in the nascent society being developed here.

GG: …

GG: what if I didn’t want kids?

AR: Ovum donation would be strongly encouraged, as well as the donation of genetic samples for cloning. 

AR: Human babies are not being used as an energy source.

AR: That would be stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The propaganda posters mentioned come from [this endangered fan comic.](http://mortior.tumblr.com/post/140304623626/you-said-something-in-the-tags-about-propaganda)
> 
> TFW: your robrother in law tries WW2/Cold War/Fascist propaganda techniques.
> 
> The "baby as batteries" rumor is of course from [HGI](http://houston-global-inquiry.tumblr.com/)


	6. ==> Jade: process the conversation (warn your boyfriend about incoming Emperor bot)

So that was a conversation that just happened. It had gone from a request for advice, to a discussion of when you were going to have kids. (Weird and creepy but a thousand times less weird and creepy than some of the comments some of the guys at Lafayette used to make about you and Rose or any of the other women in the compound for that matter.) He does back off when you ask him to though! You end up talking about the courses you want to sign up for, and he recommends books. (A few of them are about mass extinction events and the effects of Pre-War global warming.) The conversation ends after AR asks you a few more questions about Dave. (Mostly about how best to avoid “alarming him further.”) You try to give the best advice you can, and AR signs off after thanking you and telling you he would like to speak to you again in the future.

You’re not sure of what to make of the conversation. It had been creepy and blunt and weirdly earnest. AR seemed completely unapologetic while also trying to accept responsibility for his actions and trying to make amends. At least, that’s what you think he’s trying to do. (It was really clear that you were talking to someone who was not in any way human even though he’d been originally programmed by humans, and was processing things on a completely different level than you. This was actually an extremely scary thing to realize, but also really cool.) The gist of the conversation was kind of a combination of “I am not bothered by Dirk and Dave being friends,” and “are you bothered as I am by Dave having a crush on Dirk? Why or why not?” With a side of, “also I will put you at ease by socializing.” (You are not going to think about the “someday you will have children,” thing too hard.) It’s kind of a given that you need to give Dave a heads up about this conversation! 

GG: hey dave? where are you?

TG: hey

TG: im a few blocks from the tower

TG: taking pictures of some construction thats going on

TG: whats up

GG: well i kind of had a conversation with the emperor? and i thought i should let you know?

GG: because he might be contacting you soon.

TG: …

TG: contacting me

TG: what about 

TG: what kind of conversation

TG: are you okay

GG: i’m fine! i think he wants to apologize? or at least let you know that he doesn’t mind you and dirk being friends?

GG: you still haven’t introduced me to him by the way. dirk, not ar, i just met him.

GG: i might just introduce myself! hi, i’m jade, dave’s beard!

TG: because bisexuality is totally not a thing that exists

TG: you can only be one or the other 

TG: not like both or whatever because thats just crazy talk

TG: you cant be attracted to both men and women youd never be able to have a stable relationship

TG: on account of not being satisfied with your partner

GG: ick. mrs. henderson’s health/sex ed lectures.

GG: how do you get to be a nurse and think women have an extra rib because eve?! 

TG: also you are not my beard i am your little woman get it straight

GG: but we’re not straight dave! :D

GG: but seriously, i really do want to meet him and i only haven’t just introduced myself because i thought it would make you do the thing where you flail like a muppet and go scream into a pillow.

GG: which while hilarious is not conducive to actual communication!

TG: i do not flail like a muppet

TG: that is vile slander

TG: john flails like a muppet

TG: i am totally chill with the idea of you meeting dirk

TG: with or without my introduction

TG: i just havent gotten around with setting anything up with him since the obstacle course thing

TG: and he hasn’t really contacted me either since then

TG: what did the emperor say

TG: what did you tell him

GG: well he asked me questions about you, like how to approach you and stuff like that

GG: then there was this thing where I think he was trying to put me at ease like we were just gossiping about our boyfriends?

GG: though he was also trying to get information from me about our relationship?

GG: i told him you were great boyfriend material by the way!

TG: considering he might be the jealous type

TG: which is really really likely

TG: was that a good idea

GG: well he told me what a great boyfriend he thought dirk was

GG: so i felt i had to share!

TG: was there a competition

TG: my boyfriend is better than your boyfriend

TG: who won

GG: i think it was a tie! we both agreed our boyfriends were cute and brave and loyal.

GG: and also needed to be taken care of because they were brave and loyal.

GG: to keep them out of trouble!!

GG: i kind of wish i had the resources ar does to keep you out of trouble. 

GG: i don’t like you getting hurt.

TG: i totally require 24/7 supervision

TG: high maintenance thats me

TG: i am a delicate flower

TG: did he say when he was going to be contacting me

TG: so i can prepare myself

GG: nope! after we talked about you we mostly talked about global warming!

TG: harley how does a conversation about boyfriends turn into a conversation about global warming

TG: how

GG: well, you’re really cool, and some of the things ar did to correct/alter/modify the climate is really cool, so one thing led to another!

You talk with Dave a little more and then go back to doing your “homework” for the orientation class. The homework is mostly about social interactions on the human-interface of the android network, and interacting with androids in “real life.” In between the homework, you try to narrow down the classes you want to take and try to decide whether or not you want to volunteer for one of the gardening projects. (There’s a project that is mostly a landscape design class, and a bunch of in-tower and hub projects that are more hands on, and on top of that are the full on farming projects taking place outside the hub.) You also occasionally ping Rose or John, because old habits die hard. (All four of you watched out for each other at Lafayette. Being able to keep track of/keep in contact with your friends, if they are a few floors down or even in another part of the city is a relief.)

You actually do not remember a lot about the escape from the Lafayette compound. The escape and the journey are just pieces in your head, a bit here and a bit there. There had been lots of walking, and then not being able to walk, and it being harder and harder to breathe. You remember wishing they’d been able to steal a rifle or two from the armory. It had been scary to be out in open like that. You remember having nightmares. 

You do have a very clear memory of Dave complaining about the broken lamp. Or maybe it’s actually a stitched together quilt of several memories of Dave complaining about the broken lamp. It seems like he did that a lot. (When you wake back up in the infirmary and you mention it when they visit you, John says: “He complained so much Jade. It was his favorite topic.” Rose: “He did seem to dwell on the subject a great deal. Perhaps it took his mind off of more serious subjects.”) 

You sort of remember reaching the city. There were more gaps and bits missing there. It had started with seeing fields and huts, and more and more people. You kept falling asleep, and wondering if you were dreaming or awake. In the near distance had been the towers of the city, beautiful and alien, stabbing up at the sky. You had been full of wonder, but more full of tired. Breathing hurt, and coughing hurt more. The last thing you remember is everything going dark. Your hearing went last, and you could hear Dave screaming your name. Waking up in the infirmary was a little scary. There were tubes down your throat and wires stuck everywhere, but Dave was there, telling you everything was all right and what was going on. Dave hadn’t been alone though; there was also a pink android with tentacle hair. They both help remove the tubes and wires. Dave tried to play it cool, but his hands when he took yours were shaking, and you could tell he was trying not to cry. 

“Dave. Is attentive,” the pink android with tentacle hair commented. “Comes here. Often.” You stared. Frightened, because this was the first android you’d really seen, but curious too. It was smiling, and for some reason had disturbingly sharp teeth. “How often?”

“Every few days,” Dave interjected. 

“Inaccurate. Almost. Every. Day,” the pink android said. “Same time. Texted. Update requests. When not. Otherwise. Available.” 

You giggled at the glare Dave leveled at the android. (It’s awesome to be able to laugh without coughing.) “Dave fusses. I hope he didn’t bother you,” you told the android. 

“No,” the android said. “Concern within. Normal parameters. I am Ef-three-Ef-dash-three-Ar-one. ‘Feferi,’” the android continued. “I have been your main physician.”

“Thank you,” you tell it--her? “Feferi” kind of sounded like a girl name, but there wasn’t a great deal that was “girl” about it except maybe the hair. 

“You are. Welcome,” Feferi said, and leaves the room. (When you get a phone and laptop, you receive a message from Feferi; it’s a survey. “Help us improve your health facilities!” It’s a little surreal.) 

There’s a lot to take in! Dave, John and Rose tell you what they’ve been up to. (Which is a lot.) You’re kind of sorry you missed out on sharing the experience, though it’s just as fun to hear about it second hand. (You plan on doing some exploring of your own in the near future.) 

You and Dave got some alone time a few days after you’re out of the infirmary. Dave showed you around the tower and takes you up to a gallery where you can see the city skyline. The view was amazing, and someone had set up a telescope. There was also some furniture and it turned into a kind of date, both of you cuddling on the couch and watching movies. Dave told you about his crush the same day. He was so guilty about it, and underneath it worried, that you didn’t tease him very much about it. 

(Teasing each other about crushes had always been a thing, even before you and Dave were a thing.)

You finish the homework and send it, and work on choosing classes. Most of them are online, but the botany/gardening classes are live. The classes you pick are gardening/design, astronomy (because you’ve never really had an opportunity to do much actual stargazing), and computer science/programming. (The last was a tough choice because you also wanted to take the mechanical engineering course. You settled on only taking three courses because you thought more than that would cut into your hanging out and exploration time.)

You get another message from Dave.

TG: jade jade help

TG: [TG is sending .fil ohgodwhy.fil]

GG: what? What’s wrong dave?

TG: just read it

The file turns out to be a transcript of the conversation ar wanted to have with Dave. You read it. It is pretty much just as weird and creepy-but-trying-to-social as your conversation with AR was. (AR asks lots of weird questions, while also attempting to reassure Dave. It has pretty mixed results. AR’s attempt to be “reassuring” is actually a little scary.) 

GG: read it! it was pretty much like my conversation with him. weird and kind of creepy!

GG: and he wants to go on a double date!

GG: is that’s what’s wrong?

TG: yes

TG: a double date

TG: you me dirk the emperor of everything

GG: are you more worried about seeing dirk or seeing ar?

TG: kinda both

TG: uh maybe the emperor more

TG: the former murderbot

TG: who really enjoyed freaking me out

TG: he literally said that 

TG: why is he ar 

GG: he said to call him ar when we talked.

TG: he didnt say i could call him ar should i be jealous that he likes you more

TG: or at all

TG: since he doesnt actually like humans

GG: he was establishing common ground with me since we were talking about our boyfriends. :P

GG: and i’m sure he likes his boyfriend. Like-likes him.

TG: only his boyfriend

GG: so? you don’t have to like all or even most people if you don’t want to. even if he doesn’t like humans, he apparently wants to help them now? Like a conservationist trying to save a species they think is actually kind of gross?

TG: okay point 

TG: do you want to go on that double date

GG: yes! i think it would be fun, or at least interesting!

TG: okay double date it is then


	7. ==>Dirk: have sappy cuddly times with boyfriend (Oh Auto-Responder, NO)*

Sometimes, it surprises you a little how nice it is to cuddle with AR. There’s nothing soft or padded about his lines or angles. He is all smooth metal heated by his internal workings, and you get the occasional buzz from his sensor circuitry against your skin, or radiating through your clothes. His limbs and appendages wrapped around you are hard and it should feel like being hugged by a suit of armor, but it really doesn’t.

You think about this, tired but not ready to fall asleep yet, idly tracing the intricate pattern of sensors along one of AR’s arms. You get as far as his shoulder, and are thinking about going for the ports at the nape of his neck when he suddenly shifts to give you a kiss. It’s not like kissing a metal mask or helmet face plate (like kissing “Iron Man” in his armor). AR’s face is surprisingly flexible and expressive. He can smile, frown, look pleased or annoyed, and those expressions are markers for what he’s feeling and they can be either unconscious or deliberate. (You are unabashedly fascinated by this.) You kiss back, hand curled around the back of AR’s neck.

Right now he’s smiling against your lips as he kisses you, like he can guess you are more focused on the mechanics involved in his kissing, than the kiss itself. (Mouth, lips, tongue, the “teeth” that were for assistance in vocalization. AR wasn’t just using some kind of artificial, digital voice, though he could use that as a backup. There was the equivalent of “vocal cords” in his throat that he vibrated, and his mouth parts helped shaped the sound. His voice was unique and specific to him. You’re kind of amazed at how intricate his systems are.) Your face heats a little, and you try to concentrate on the kissing, on how it feels. (It feels nice.)

“Arrangements are being made for a music festival,” AR says a few minutes later as he breaks off the kiss. “You’ve heard about it, correct?”

You nod. There had been online advertisements and flyers about it for weeks. The idea for the festival had grown out of a series of informal jam sessions, and a committee had contacted AR to request permission for it. AR had transferred the request to Bro, who had had to create rules and regulations for setting up something like a festival or concert. (This included planning and creating a venue for festivals and concerts. It also included future plans for theaters.) The venue was going to one of the park-recreation areas not too far from the Tower. “Hard not too, everyone’s been talking about it,” you say.

“I thought we could attend, together,” AR says. “We’ve never gone on what could be considered a ‘formal’ date, with dinner and provided entertainment.”

“No, we haven’t,” you agree. Most of your “dates” had been movie nights in AR’s respite station, tours of the city, or brief trips outside the city. You’d never had a date like something from a movie or a book. “It sounds fun but…a lot of people might want to talk to you if they see you.” And people might notice how close the two of you were. (People inside the Tower were used to it, and people outside the Tower knew about it, or suspected it as a rumor, but you knew the reactions were…mixed.)

“I will simply text them a request for privacy,” AR says. “Though I could easily handle their importunate questions while accompanying you, our outing should be free of interference.” 

You think it might be a little more difficult than that. AR kept his distance, and had Bro handle most of the human interaction, which might keep people at a distance…but people were also really, really curious about AR. They _might_ try to approach him, even if he specifically orders people to keep their distance. The results would probably not be very good. Still, you smile and press a kiss to AR’s shoulder. “It sounds like fun. I think I can clear my schedule for this weekend.”

AR gives you a fond smile. “I hope it is ‘fun,’” he says. “There is an additional social factor I would like to impose on this date, with your approval.”

“What kind of ‘social factor?’” you ask curiously.

“I would like it to be a ‘double date,’” AR replies. His appendages shift a bit, some of them tightening around you. His expression flickers a little between fondness and uncertainty.

“Really? With who?” The only people who come to mind are either Jane and Jake, or maybe Roxy and Callie. Except Jake was outside the city with a mixed human and android “resource recovery” team, and Jane had gone with him as one of the team’s medics. So maybe it was Callie and Roxy? (Except that Callie was understandably uneasy when it came to AR, so you can’t see her wanting to socialize with him, even she worked for Bro and interacted with him, and even if Roxy was there.) 

“I spoke to Ms. Harley, Dave Strider’s romantic partner, and then with Dave Strider himself,” AR says. “Both were very useful conversations. At the end of my conversation with Dave Strider I suggested a double date. I was not specific about venue or date, in case you’d prefer to wait to decide.” He pauses significantly. “But I would like this music festival to be the venue, and this weekend to be the date.”

“You talked to Dave and his girlfriend?” You ask. You do not want to think about how those conversations might have gone. You just as badly want to know what the heck AR talked to them about. (Dave hadn’t told you about it, but he hadn’t contacted you in a while, mostly because you hadn’t contacted him.) “I’m kind of afraid to ask what about.”

“I sought Ms. Harley’s assistance in speaking with Dave,” AR says. “We seem to have a similarity of opinion in regard to our respective romantic partners.”

“Really.” You look up at AR, who looks at you fondly, but he is also smirking slightly.

“Dave is apparently quite protective about the people he cares about, even if they do not in particular, need protecting,” AR says. “Ms. Harley loves that aspect of his personality while also, I feel, being annoyed by it. It seemed much the way I feel about you.”

“Annoyed, huh?”

“Not precisely the right word,” AR murmurs, and kisses you almost chastely on the temple. “Exasperated? Concerned? Frightened? Those might fit a little better, but not quite. We talked about our boyfriends, and then discussed books about environmental disasters, global warming and mass extinctions.” He pauses. “I may have made statements implying reproduction and childrearing as a foregone conclusion.”

You beat your head very gently against his chest. “AR. No.”

“They were very mild statements,” AR protests. “And I didn’t state any disapproval for her chosen mate.”

“Oh god,” you say. “Why–?”

“It was more or less topical,” AR says. “Repopulation is important, isn’t it? I’m going to a great deal of trouble to make sure opportunities for mate selection are optimal. Making assurances that this is a safe environment in which to rear young is also important–” you cover his mouth.

“She’s a _kid._ ”

“I wasn’t proposing she get ‘knocked up’ Dirk,” AR says patiently, moving your hand from his mouth. “I was merely presenting the possibility of reproduction in a safe environment with access to resources and healthcare.”

“As a foregone conclusion,” you say. “That tends to make people uncomfortable AR.” He gives you a look that says: _I’m aware._ “And then you talked to Dave? How did it turn into asking about a double date?”

“I attempted to address his concerns,” AR says. “I may have asked him questions about his crush on you. He and his romantic partner are not ‘exclusive’ and I continue to be curious about human sexuality, so I asked him questions about open communication with his partner. He was a reluctant conversationalist on the topic, but I believe I learned a great deal. He did tell me some things about Lafayette; I may need to reopen discussion about the community with your brother.”

“What kind of things?” There is nothing about what AR is saying that isn’t discomfort-inducing, but you kind of focus on the comment about Lafayette. The little you learned from Dave and his friends was…not good.

“The Lafayette community appears to have made many decisions that are opposite to the ones your community made,” AR says after a thoughtful pause. “After we discussed that, I said something that was misinterpreted by Dave, which in turn became my suggestion of a double date.”

You frown a little. AR really hadn’t explained very much about what he’d heard about Lafayette, and you had a feeling he wasn’t going to. “What did you say?”

“We discussed the ‘hunt’ on the obstacle course. He places the blame on the appropriate person by the way,” AR says, giving you a pointed look.

“It was my fault,” you say. Because it was, not matter what AR (and Roxy) had been trying to tell you. It hadn’t been nearly as bad as it might have been, but what happened it had been pretty bad. (You should have told Dave sooner. You should have told him to back off. Why had you been so oblivious to what was going on?)

“You negotiated what you thought were better conditions, and indeed I found the arrangement very much to my liking,” AR says. “I attempted to explain this to Dave, and suggested he meet with you, suggesting the festival as a venue. He said something to the effect of ‘it sounds like you’re setting Dirk up on a date,’ and I said, ‘no but perhaps a double date might be a good idea.’” He gives you a thoughtful look. “I am not sure why I suggested a double date, though I think Ms. Harley might benefit from meeting someone who is both intellectually her equal, and shares some of her interests.” He lists some of them; robotics, programming, engineering. Some of her skill sets reminded you a little of Jake’s Grandma.

“I’m torn between asking ‘what did you say that made Dave think that?’ and ‘why does it sound like you’re setting me up on a date with Harley?’ AR.” 

“I wanted to encourage him to re-establish social ties with you,” AR says. “By reminding him of the qualities he appreciates in you. And I’m telling you about Ms. Harley’s interests in hopes you might want to engage her socially. After all, it’s a double date.”

“I am not sure you understand double dates,” you tell AR. You were starting to learn (from AR and also from Roxy) how much AR didn’t actually understand about humans. It was a learning process for both of you, and AR really, really liked to experiment. This could be both a good thing and a bad thing. Sometimes at the same time. AR just smiles at you. “What about Dave’s crush?” You ask. “Did Harley say anything about–”

“She wants to meet you,” AR says. “She seemed quite enthused by the idea in fact, and has teased Dave about it on several occasions.” A beat. “Yes I’ve been observing her, and also Dave. I was trying to find a way to mend the situation.” Another beat. “And I was curious. Their dynamic differs in interesting ways from the relationship between Jane and Jake, or our own.”

“You’ve been spying on Jane and Jake too?” You ask.

“Security surveillance only,” AR says. “I’ve come to the understanding that taking care of you, also involves watching over those you care about. I think I did not quite realize that before, and the reasons why are complicated to express.”

You sigh, and trace a buzzing line of circuitry. “I’m not comfortable with you doing that, but I know you can’t actually turn off most of the awareness. Do _they_ know?” 

“Your friends suspect or are at least aware of the possibility,” AR says. “I made it clear to Ms. Harley, and I’m sure she’ll share the information with Dave.”

“What about…Dave’s crush?” you ask, a little reluctantly.

“I don’t feel it’s a threat,” AR says. “I am curious about it. How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know,” you tell him. “I wasn’t really paying attention. I…I don’t want to say it, but I guess I’m a little flattered? I…well you know I was mostly pining after Jake and then everything happened so you’re my first relationship.” Your face heats up in embarrassment. “I think it’s the first time another human has had a crush on me?”

“You were my first relationship too,” AR says, a slow smirk growing on his face. “There were treatises on the human internet about the unlikelihood of a first time being any good. I feel we were a statistical anomaly, don’t you think?” 

“I think we started out at amazing, and keep getting better,” you say. The appendages wrapped around you shift a bit, and a claw traces delicately over your skin. You shiver, arching a little into the touch. You’re always aware of how dangerous and sharp his claws are, how carefully he uses them, it distracts you enough you miss most of what he says next.

“–a novel experience?”

“What?”

AR looks amused. “Would you say that another human having a crush on you is a novel experience?”

“Um, I guess so?”

“If it’s ‘flattering’ would you also say it’s an enjoyable experience?”

“I belong to you.” The simple statement, saying it out loud, does things to you. For you. It’s a melting and immediate need for AR to touch you, to keep touching you, and acknowledge his owner ship of you. It’s an embarrassing feeling, but you like that too.

“I know,” AR says. “I wasn’t prompting for reassurance however. My ownership is an uncontestable fact. My usual requests for confirmation are more because you enjoy hearing them, than my anxiety, which I feel is more based in your tendency toward heroic self-sacrifice than fear of losing you as a romantic partner. So, do you find the experience of a crush directed at you enjoyable?”

You really aren’t sure how to answer that. “I guess maybe in theory? Like I said I didn’t really notice, and um. I’m pretty focused on you.” It takes you a while to say that; lots of long pauses, and AR watching you expectantly.

“Good,” AR says, and looks pleased with himself. You think he’s responding to the latter until he says, “I want to provide you with something I was unable to, due to my original antipathy.”

You sputter and are less than coherent for about a minute as you try to figure out what the hell AR is telling you. You finally settle on, “You want me to experience someone having a crush on me? I pretty much already did that?”

“I want you to experience human courtship, either directly or via observation,” AR says. “And I want to watch you experience human courtship. This will expand your social group, give you an opportunity to find and choose reproductive partners, and provide me with needed data for ‘we are not fucking calling it a breeding program Auto. Eugenics is racist and classist and a whole fucking bunch of other fucking ists.’”

The quote is actually a recording of Bro’s voice. It startles a laugh out of you because it’s so _wrong_ to hear Bro’s voice when you are that embarrassing combination of confused, mildly to extremely horrified and aroused. (The aroused part is a little startling by itself. What he’s suggesting sounds a little outside your usual kinks, and AR is not approaching it like a kink, but you do have a kink for AR’s ‘experiments,’ even the ones that are apparently more ‘social’ than ‘sexual.’) “You want me to find ‘reproductive’ partners?” You ask.

“You have traits that would be valuable to the human gene pool,” AR says. “Child rearing might be more difficult for both of us, so it would be important to select partners willing to take over a majority of the childcare tasks, potentially because they already have a partner willing to assist them.”

“What. I. You’re talking about _Jade Harley?_ ” You try to squirm out of AR’s grasp. This is pretty much a useless activity. “She’s a kid!”

“You are only a year or two older,” AR points out reasonably. “And I don’t propose that this happen immediately. It is simply another factor to consider, in a few years’ time, should you be compatible.”

You give up trying to break free. “You want me to ‘court and find reproductive partners,’ AR. You want me to start with a guy who has a crush on me, and his _girlfriend._ It’s kind of inherently alarming. Especially since I’m not really attracted to girls and I think you’re cribbing your matchmaking techniques from _Lilith’s Brood_.”

“I’m involved in several book clubs by proxy,” AR says. “I find speculative fiction to have a number of interesting ideas, and Butler’s themes were recommended as being of potential interest by several Libra units engaging in sociological and anthropological private study.”

“Can I try to talk you out of this?” You ask.

“Not fully negotiable,” AR says. “You _should_ reestablish your acquaintance with Dave, not ‘protect him’ through avoidance. You should also expand your social circle, and yes, find reproductive partners. I am not sure how it will affect the culture, if the focus were on ‘artificial’ means of reproduction instead of ‘baseline’ reproductive measures. The overall attitude to artificial insemination, fertility correction and ‘artificial wombs’ is extremely mixed, and strangely hostile for the last, despite the obvious benefits; possibly due to those movies I believe.”

“God dammit AR,” you slump against AR’s chest. “Okay, so double date. Do they know what you’re planning?”

“No. I don’t want to ‘frighten them off,’” AR says. “And you might not ultimately choose them, or they you. So, double date, this weekend?”

“But it’s okay to frighten me off?” You ask, not quite jokingly. AR gives you a look, and doesn’t say, “but you like being frightened.” You can tell he’s thinking it, however. You sigh. “Okay, but I’m going to talk to both of them first.”

“I was going to recommend that,” AR says. “I would ask that you keep the discussion about reproduction to yourself. Again, I don’t want to alarm them.” He pauses thoughtfully. “Well, I don’t want to alarm Ms. Harley. I am perfectly copacetic with at least mildly alarming Dave.” 

“AR. No,” you say automatically, and then give him a suspicious look. “Now it sounds like _you_ have a crush.”

“That would be an inaccurate statement,” AR says. “But I am finding that my baseline antipathy fades if I can find a reason not to dislike someone.”

“Because you _like_ to frighten them,” you say. “This does not surprise me at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: “Lilith’s Brood” is a trilogy by Octavia Butler that involves the aftermath of a nuclear war where humanity is rescued by aliens who want to do the do with them, because the aliens are “gene traders” and it’s part of their life cycle to combine with other species. 
> 
> Serious exploration of race, society, feminism, agency and consent, even if I do make tentacle porn jokes about it. 
> 
> Note 1.5: The idea of an android science fiction fan is hilarious, and making AR and sf fan is doubly hilarious. Fight me.
> 
> Note 2: Dirk and Dave are STILL unrelated, they just have the same last name.
> 
> Note 3: The chapter stretched really long, so no date this chapter. woe.
> 
> Note 4: *This is what the [refrance.](http://fanlore.org/wiki/OH_JOHN_RINGO_NO)
> 
> TFW: Your boyfriend’s idea of pillow talk is planning to save humanity from extinction.


	8. ==>Dave: have an Awkward Pizza Night (go to a Music Festival)

So what happens is, Dirk wants to talk about “things.” The “things” in question are the double date, and the emperor of everything. He invites you and Jade over to the apartment he shares with his friends. The both of you turn up around six, and Dirk answers the door. You wonder if Dirk feels as slightly nervous and kind of weird as you do. “Hey,” you say. “We are here for Awkward Pizza Night.” You make introductions.

“Nice to meet you,” Jade says. 

“Likewise,” Dirk says. 

Dirk’s place is a lot bigger than the room the two of you are still sharing with John and Rose. (The four of you are looking for a bigger place, but you aren’t sure if it’s going to be for the four of you, or if you’re going to get separate places, or what. You’re all really, _really_ used to being in each other’s pockets. Maybe you’ll see if there’s a set up like Dirk’s somewhere.) Two of Dirk’s friends are off on a resource gathering mission. A third friend is in and out of the apartment with a quick introduction of, “hi I’m Roxy, you need any help figuring AR out, I’m you’re girl!” before she absconds. 

“So you’re not the number one expert on the emperor?” Jade asks with a little grin. You’ve all settled in the living room, with plates of pizza and bottles of soda. 

Dirk smiles kind of sheepishly. “Maybe number two expert, Roxy and AR are pretty close.” 

Jade kind of takes over the conversation; she asks questions about AR, mostly about his base as a chatbot. They talk programming and AIs and you kind of hang back. You get lost about ten minutes into the conversation but the Jade is Adorable When She’s Excited Effect comes into play so you’re at least entertained. (Its twin is apparently Dirk is Intense When He’s Enthusiastic and you would mind even less, except for the AR Factor.) 

You think about the AR Factor. Former chatbot. Former murderbot. Definitely in love--for values of love that include deeply creepy hypervigilance--with the guy you’re (still) crushing on despite all common sense. Current emperor of everything and would be conservationist of humans. Dude (if you could use so familiar a term) who clearly does not get humans as well as he thinks he does if a certain creepy conversation was any indication. (In some ways, it had been like talking to Bro; lots of detail about his reasoning and interests, way too many weird questions and information about sex.) 

Jade has gone on to talking about the conversation she had with AR. “So uh, how insistent does he plan on being about the kids thing?” she asks. Her tone’s light and pretty good humored, but yeah, you can see that she’s worried. 

“AR’s kind of intense about things he thinks are priorities,” Dirk says apologetically. “Population is one of them. I’m really sorry if he freaked you out. We keep telling him to relax and the problem will take care of itself but he isn’t easy to convince. Especially since in the community I came from, we made a conscious decision to not reproduce because the risks were too high.” 

“It was kind of the opposite at Lafayette,” Jade says, shoulders hunching a little. 

You put a hand on her shoulder, just to test, and she leans against you. You wrap your arm around her shoulder. “If he wants to blow it up anytime in the future, we’re chill with that,” you say. 

She elbows you. “There was a lot of pressure to get hitched and have kids,” she says. “But there weren’t a lot of resources to deal with complications, so a lot of women died. And there was a really high infant mortality rate. But there was still all this pressure, so it was kind of…”

Dirk winces. “I am really, really sorry,” he says. “Do you want me to yell at him for you?”

Jade says “oh no,” and at the same time you say, “hell yes.” (At the same time, it’s surprisingly relieving to hear him say that. Like, maybe it’s an indicator that there are actual normal things about their relationship. That it is something resembling a normal relationship.)

 _“Dave,”_ Jade says, and elbows you again. 

“Hey, you didn’t need to hear ‘be fruitful and definitely multiply’ so yes, please definitely yell at him.”

Dirk gives a kind of half smile at that. “Anything else I should yell at him about?” he asks. “Since I’m taking requests.”

You say, “nah, I’m good,” at the same time Jade says, “yes!” You give her a look. She gives you a look back. 

“What is it?” Dirk asks.

“Well, when AR talked to Dave there were these…comments?” Jade says. “I mean, I could see he was trying to explain his reasoning behind the obstacle course incident, but maybe if he’s trying to reassure someone that he isn’t going to take ‘punitive action’ since they hadn’t done anything ‘actionable’ he shouldn’t also imply he’d like to hunt them in the future?” 

“Oh my god,” Dirk says. “AR, what the _hell?”_

Everyone’s cell phones give message alerts. You’ve all been invited to a chat.

AR: Assuming that question wasn’t rhetorical, I did offer a transcript of the conversation for your critique and review. 

AR: I wanted to make it clear that while I did enjoy the experience my intention was a warning and he was not in danger from me.

AR: I also wanted to encourage him to socialize with Dirk and satisfy my curiosity about his relationship with Ms. Harley. 

AR: I feel I did this correctly as they did agree to a double date.

TT: Okay I should have read the transcripts. 

GG: it was kind of weird? but i could tell he was trying to reassure dave? and he was sort of saying he didn’t want dave to get scared off from being friends with dirk? i was curious and wanted to meet AR in person and it seemed like fun!

TG: i pretty much put it down to no off switch for special interests

TG: bro was like that 

TG: way too interested in puppets and also certain horror franchises

TG: could not shut up about said special interests if he tried which he usually didnt

TG: just tune him out man 

TG: better for everyone involved

TG: no big surprise that a dangerbot would have liked his job

GG: also! there were these mixed signals!

TT: What kind of mixed signals?

GG: the conversation does kind of read like ar is trying to set dirk up on a date with dave!

GG: a date date!

GG: then he wants a double date.

GG: so mixed signals!

AR: “Date date” is not inaccurate. Though my primary purpose is studying human courtship rituals, your and Dave’s relationship, and Dave’s crush on Dirk.

TT: He wanted to observe you guys while practicing his social skills.

TG: my crush 

TG: what do you mean my crush

The three (four) of you were all now texting on the cell phones instead of talking. It was pretty funny, in a way. It reminded you of the way Bro and Rose’s mom would just pass notes back and forth instead of talking out loud. Or the notes Bro would leave you in response to something you’d said. (Bro just…gradually stopped talking, and was almost completely mute by the time you were eight.) So the situation was weirdly nostalgic.

TT: He kind of decided he wasn’t bothered by your crush. 

TG: what does that mean

TG: does he want me to flirt with you or something

A separate window opens up for you. 

AR: Perhaps. This isn’t an invitation to a cuckholding fantasy. I’m told that would require in depth negotiation. I simply wish to observe relationship dynamics.

AR: Do you have an objection to this? 

TG: i have no idea of what to say

TG: do you have any idea of how much youre messing with my head

AR: Yes. 

You don’t throw the cell phone but it’s a very near thing. Back in the chat, Jade is being Concerned.

GG: what do you think about it, dirk? i mean were you bothered by dave’s crush?

TT: I um. Didn’t notice it until it was pointed out, actually. I’m kind of monofocused? Before AR I had a really huge crush on someone, who was kind of oblivious to me and I was too busy pining to ever make a move. I’ve been told since then that there were people crushing on me, and I never noticed. Then I met AR and I’m kind of really focused on him now?

TG: but youre okay with ar being okay with me maybe flirting at you

TT: I’m definitely pretty flattered. I literally have no idea of how to handle it. I like you a lot, and I am kind of concerned about AR’s foray into social experimentation. 

TT: I am pretty sure human test subjects aren’t supposed to be drafted into it.

AR: I think of it more as field research. And there haven’t been any rules made about it yet. 

TT: Another thing to put on Bro’s list.

AR: I suppose so. 

GG: :DDD 

TT: What?

GG: i don’t know, i just thought that was kind of cute? 

GG: like there’s a list of things that need to be done to restore civilization or rebuild it or whatever

GG: human civilization but maybe not android civilization.

GG: and it keeps getting longer as things come up?

GG: and i was maybe imagining ar doing a little eyeroll 

AR: There was perhaps an eyeroll involved. Android civilization didn’t have a concept of ethics, though one is apparently being constructed. It was simply being in compliance or not being compliance.

AR: Ethics are difficult to process, though a system is being developed. I was surprised to find Sagittarius units working on ethical systems in tandem with the Libra units.

GG: Sagittarius units are the hunter units, right? 

AR: Yes. Apparently “hunting” is conducive to abstract thought and critical thinking, though Sagittarius units have relatively low scores in both. Libras are much higher and have a greater concept of “correct behavior” as opposed to “compliance.” 

TG: any humans working on that

AR: Yes. The goal is integration and creating a unified society after all. 

AR: I don’t like humans, and don’t see how they could be useful or productive but I have seen Roxy make interesting advances in the projects she’s taken on, and Dirk is a brilliant if limited engineer and programmer. 

TT: Thanks AR. Really. 

AR: You’re being sarcastic, but you’re welcome.

TT: Are you okay with this Dave? Jade?

TT: You and Jade can back out at any time. 

TG: im okay with it 

TG: feel kinda guilty too the way i kinda avoided you

TG: and going out with you sounds fun

AR: Even though you’ll also be socializing with a “dangerbot?”

TG: yeah

You’re maybe a little surprised that you’re not lying even a little bit. It’s crazy, and a little dangerous--because dangerbot--but it sounds fun. Really weird, and kind of creepy, but fun, even with a dangerbot who will be watching you the whole time. (Not like he probably wasn’t anyway. Good thing you were used to being watched. Thanks Bro. Thanks Lafayette.)

GG: i’m in! i am the best guinea pig!

There’s more talking--out loud talking--about the musical festival. Mostly plans for who you were going to go see first. You all get into a conversation about music just before--and way before--the war with the androids. (You all have Strongly Held Opinions.) There’s a little more talk about AR, mostly a primer for talking to him in person. (There are occasional interjections from AR himself in the separate text window.) You eat a lot of pizza and watch a couple movies, and then you and Jade head home. 

Rose and John both want to know about the “date.” 

“It went fine! It’s easy to see why Dave has a crush on him!” Jade says. 

“It was just Awkward Pizza Night, not a date,” you say. “The actual date is Saturday.” 

“It’s a date date! For science!” 

“The emperor of everything wants to learn how to make romance, and we’ve been chosen as prime examples,” you say.

“Romance? You two?” John asks. “No offense Jade.” 

“I’m sure you’ll be the very best guinea pigs,” Rose says.

“Offense definitely taken!” Jade bounces from her bed to yours, and sort of glomps onto you. You hug her back, and you both go over onto the mattress. 

“We’re hella romantic,” you drone. Jade, on cue, wiggles her eyebrows at John, who makes fake gross-out noises. 

“Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, Tristan and Isolde,” Rose says. 

“Yeah but you guys have never done the do, I don’t think you’ve even kissed!” John says. 

“And how would you know whether they’ve had sex John? Are you confessing to being a peeping Tom?” Rose asks archly. 

John flushes. “No! Dave’s my bro so he’d tell me, right? And Jade’s your friend, so she’d tell you, and then you’d tell me!” 

“I’m extremely fascinated by the social norms you’ve described,” Rose says. “Same gender transfer of gossip followed by opposite gender transfer isn’t likely however; Dave would obviously tell me first, as his sister. Jade would tell you first, as her cousin.”

“Or we’ll keep it secret to our dying day,” you say. “Never to divulge our mad passions. Because it’s not actually your business.” 

“I would definitely tell Rose first though,” Jade says with a pretend-thoughtful frown. “Because John is a giant butt.” 

“John’s giant butt-ness is well known,” you agree. “I would definitely tell Rose first.” 

“Why are you ganging up on me?” John complains. 

“Because you’re a giant butt,” you and Jade chorus. 

“The problem might be that you’re conflating romance with kissing or having sex, John,” Rose says. “Sex might be an end result of romance, but it doesn’t have to be. And ‘kissing’ is not a gesture common to all cultures.”

“Also open mouth kissing is gross,” Jade says. “Really extremely gross and unhygienic.” 

It’s the first time she’s said something like that to someone other than you. “Closed mouth kisses only babe, and never on the lips. I respect your boundaries,” you tell her solemnly. She’s on top of you, and knows where you’re ticklish. She goes for one of your ticklish spots, but you definitely do not giggle. Jade does squeal however, when you get revenge. 

“Of course it’s gross, Dave’s doing it,” John says. Jade smacks him with one of your pillows and things deteriorate from there.

The next day, AR sends a lot of questions. He wants to know why you and Rose have different surnames, if Jade’s abstinence from intimate contact is trauma based, why John is a giant butt. The answers are: because that’s the way Bro and Rose’s Mom wanted it, no and you should ask her and not you, and because reasons. AR wants clarification on “because reasons” and “that’s the way Bro and Rose’s Mom wanted it.” Because of course he does. You are feeling cocky and point out that if AR asks all the questions now, there won’t be anything to talk about during the date. Weirdly, he accepts this. 

You have questions too; or at least one question, and variations thereof, which is about privacy. There are security cameras or audio devices inside and outside all buildings throughout the hub. In places where cameras or audio devices are not useful, drones or android “proxies” who are allowing him to receive through their sensory arrays are used. AR is aware of all of these security devices and cannot actually turn full awareness off, though there are levels of interest that are easier for him to ignore. There are keywords and activities he pays particular attention to. (Sex is not one of them. Most bodily functions are ignored. Extreme mental or physical distress is not ignored.) The security devices are not to be tampered with. You and your friends are flagged as being of interest because you are friends with Dirk. The housing projects also have security cameras and audio devices. Most footage and audio files are wiped to save space, but documented.

You think someone else might have been more disturbed by it, but again, Bro. Bro, and in a weird way, Lafayette, which also had a “no privacy” thing going on. With Lafayette, the more people left, the more security tightened down, until you actively had to escape to leave. This is what you and your friends had to do; escape, and find out if the rumors about the war being over, about there being a place to go that wasn’t Lafayette were true. Get Jade to a real doctor. (Rose joked about it being a very dystopian young adult novel situation.) So, the dangerbot had security cameras everywhere, and paid particular attention to whomever Dirk was friends with. You could maybe deal with that, since there was a notable lack of constant security patrols and “inspections” at odd hours of the day and night.

You also hear from Dirk. It’s mostly scheduling sparring sessions and computer tutoring. (You think you mostly have a handle on the computer programs involved, but a little help is always good.) You talk in a roundabout way concerning socializing and dealing with AR. He gives you pointers, and promises to talk to AR about some of the questions he’s asking, though he can’t promise AR will stop asking the questions in question. 

On Saturday, you all meet on the bottom floor of the tower, which is a kind of lobby/waiting area. The “receptionists” are a couple of Cancer units. One of them is better at talking out loud than the other, though you almost wish he wasn’t. The other texted you the day after you got your cell phone to ask if you were still alive, and how “your friend” was doing. There are also a few security people and androids. 

With all the texting back and forth you forgot how...really intimidating AR is. He’s only a little taller than Dirk, who’s pretty tall, but it’s the tentacles you can’t take your eyes off of. Four big ones thick as your thigh, and six little whippy ones, all of them tipped in razor sharp claws. One of the big tentacles is wrapped around Dirk’s waist. AR smiles at you, and you are definitely sure he’s smiling because he can see that you are intimidated.

Jade is also a little intimidated but she goes, “Hey Dirk, hey AR,” and you’re able to echo her. 

“So are we walking, or getting chauffeured?” you ask.

“It’s just a couple blocks,” Dirk says. “AR?” 

“I’d like to make an attempt at an unobtrusive entrance,” AR says, and retracts his robo-death tentacles. He still does not in any way look like a Cancer unit. He’s pretty much the same shade of red, but he looks nothing at all like K4RK4T or K4NKR1 or any other Cancer unit you’ve seen so far; too thin, too sharp looking, too obviously built for speed. 

Jade of course wants to know about the mechanics behind the tentacles. She asks AR questions as you head out, walking beside AR. You and Dirk kind of fall back, walking just behind them. Neither of you say anything for a while. It’s not quite like those companionable silences you got when hanging out with him, but it’s pretty close. 

“I just kinda let Jade take the lead on a lot of things,” you say, like you’re answering a question. 

“So the date’s mostly because of her?” Dirk asks. 

“No, I didn’t let her take the lead, this time around,” you say. “She wanted me to talk to you sooner. She probably would have talked to you, if AR hadn’t decided to talk to her first.”

“She knows what’s best?” 

“Pretty much,” you say. “I am completely puppy-whipped.” 

This gets you a brief laugh. “Puppy-whipped?” 

“The puppy eyes are deadly man,” you say. “She’s like Medusa, one brief glance and you are frozen in place like a statue, rethinking your life and your choices.” 

“I guess I’m lucky AR doesn’t have puppy eyes then,” Dirk says. Then he blushes and laughs at nothing you can see. 

“AR say something?” You guess. 

“Yeah. Nothing repeatable though,” Dirk says. 

You glance up ahead, and wonder how much teasing you can get away with. “Welp, it’d be hard for optics to look huge and cute like the ancient animes,” you say. “So I’m guessing, voice? Does he have a sexy voice? That he uses on you?”

Dirk looks embarrassed, but he laughs. “I guess so?” Then he says in a lower voice, “I think everything about him is sexy.” 

“I’m not sure I can see it,” you say, a little more serious. “He seems mostly scary--unless you think kind of intimidating is sexy?”

“Heh. Pretty much yeah.” 

“I can totally do intimidating,” you tell him. 

“No, you’re more of a dorky cute,” Dirk says with a grin that makes your heart do funny things. 

“Seconded!” Jade calls back. “The coolkid is a lie I stopped believing in when I was twelve.” 

“I am the coolest coolkid,” you say. “I am so cool your mind can’t even comprehend the extent of my coolness.” 

You get a text message alert.

AR: You still have a small chance. Dirk’s previous crush was what might be termed “a complete dork.”

AR: How would human optics appear to be like the ancient animes?

TG: pretty sure its mostly the slight pout and downward tilted chin while also having your eyes open really big while you look at your victim pleadingly

AR: I am certain my face is mobile enough to achieve the expression. I will have to ask Jade for a demonstration. 

Up ahead, you hear Jade saying, “puppy dog eyes? Okay!” She tries to demonstrate, but she’s laughing a little while she does it, so she really can’t do the pout.

AR attempts to mimic the expression, but can’t manage more than the pout. His optical shields aren’t really flexible enough. 

“I’m not sure I want AR to get better at emotional manipulation guys,” Dirk says. 

“It’s part of the stated parameters of the study,” AR says. “I sent you all an abstract of my intentions. I understand romantic socialization to be a form of emotional manipulation, though not necessarily a harmful one. It’s a form of negotiation and eventual pairbonding between romantic partners.” 

You reach the park where the festival is being held. There are a lot of food booths, lots of drink booths. There are tables set up to eat at. There is one main stage, and three smaller stages, according to the map placed at the gate into the festival. There are signs that say, “There are no food or drink safety laws, or licenses for supplying same, so you are eating or drinking at your own risk. If the food makes you sick or your food or drink makes someone sick, you will be participating in the creation of food and drink safety laws after the music festival.” You have to sign in, and sign out of the festival using your name and user id on the hub network. There are Libras and the occasional Cancer or Aries unit as well as a bunch of humans in black uniforms with teal piping acting as security. Everything is pretty well organized, and it’s also pretty crowded. 

Fifteen minutes after the four of you get inside, everyone’s cell phones go off. 

AR: Hello, this is AR. My appearance at the festival is not to be taken as an opportunity to ‘jump the queue’ and communicate with me directly about any issues you have or requests/suggestions you wish to make. All communications must proceed through the correct channels. Consider myself and my companions fellow festival goers. Thank you for your cooperation.

Okay, so suddenly it’s a little quiet, and the quiet spreads out in a wave. Eventually the four of you are Noticed and Recognized; it kind of makes your skin crawl just a little bit. The volume on the talking goes back up, but everyone is giving AR and his “companions” a plenty of room. Weirdly, the feel you get is more of a kind of wariness than actual fear. It’s “let’s give the guy with a thousand yard stare who jumps at loud noises plenty of room,” and not “oh shit help it’s Darth Vader clear us a perimeter” or something. 

Even with the warning, people still want to talk to AR. (Dirk: “I told you so.”) But it’s generally not about things they want or requests. They want to tell him that housing program is great. That they enjoy the schooling programs. They want their kids to see him. They want to thank him for the festival. (AR: “Truthfully it was arranged by a number of humans, including Mr. Strider.” Response: some variation of “well it’s your city.”) That they hadn’t been very trusting at first, but AR had proved himself to them. AR has no idea of what to do about this, and it’s almost funny. “They’re treating you like a human politician!” Jade says. “Kissing babies and shaking hands!”

A chat opens up.

AR: I don’t want to do that.

GG: It’s okay! Hey guys want to play ‘entourage’? 

TT: Set up a perimeter you mean?

GG: Yep! 

So the three of you kind of form a perimeter, and do a lot of greeting and handshaking and acting like mouthpieces. After many, many repetitions of “hey, he just wants to be at the music festival, give him some space,” people eventually back off. Of course then there are more people who need to be told the same thing. Soon enough, the message gets passed on to other people, who pass it on, until the perimeter comes back. (At the edges there are still people waving at AR. The three of you wave back. AR does not wave back. AR: “They might try to talk to me.”)

You get food and sit at one of the tables that had been set up. Jade’s plate is piled high with barbecue, you have fried chicken, deep fried jalapenos, deep fried zucchini, deep fried mushrooms. Dirk has fish and chips. You all have pink lemonade because no one wants to risk the bath tub booze. “Okay, here’s to hopefully not getting food poisoning,” you say. 

While you eat, AR asks a lot of questions, both out loud, and via the chat. You and Jade talk about Lafayette and other things: your Bro, her Grandpa, John’s Dad and Rose’s Mom are among those other things. How you all escaped from Lafayette. Happy fun things like that. (Not all of the stories from when you were kids are terrible, just a lot of them.) Dirk occasionally asks AR to back off, which he usually does. Dirk’s questions are more about how Jade and you like the city. He answers questions about the compound where he used to live, and stories from when he was a kid. (You are kind of envious of where he used to live. It seems like it had been a better set up than the one you grew up with.) 

After eating, you visit the various stages and listen to the performances. The genre ranges from rock (indie and alternative mostly, one punk group), to pop, to country. There are also a few rappers, and their stuff is pretty good. (There’s a girl who’s mostly doing old Eminem covers and two doing mostly original stuff. One of the “mostly original” ones does a cover of Fatboy Slim’s “Weapon of Choice” during their set that’s really good. There’s a couple androids with him on stage, who are both doing the dance Christopher Walken did in the video.) 

Jade wants to dance, so she pulls you into the dance area. AR also apparently wants to dance, and he ends up clearing the floor, because his tentacles come out. He’s dancing, and it’s like some picture of a many armed god jumping right out of that picture to dance in front of you. _You_ almost clear the floor, but Jade grabs you by the arm, because _she’s_ not going anywhere. Dirk is kind of hanging back on the edge watching at first, but ends up dancing with AR. Then you and Jade kind of follow along, and it’s really cool while also being kind of terrifying. 

After dancing for a couple songs, people flood back into the dance area, and the four of you have to kind of eel your way out. 

“That was fun,” Dirk says, grinning up at AR, and then at you and Jade. 

“I certainly enjoyed myself,” AR says. “I might be heavier than a human, but I can be very light on my feet.”

“I had fun!” Jade says, and you nod your agreement. “What do we do next?” 

“There’s some android stuff that might be interesting,” Dirk suggests.

“Is it really experimental?” Jade asks, wrinkling her nose. “If it’s really experimental, no.” 

“You’re no fun,” you say teasingly. 

“I like everything to be in my hearing range Dave! Which is simply not as epic as an android’s!”

“It shouldn’t be too experimental,” Dirk says with a smile. 

“Okay! Let’s go see it then.” 

The android music is in human hearing range, but sometimes does not sound like music. Sometimes it sounds like three different human musical systems had a strange sad baby together. Sometimes the music sounded exactly like music while still being extremely strange. Not exactly easy listening, but in a weird technical sense, really interesting. 

After the android music, the four of you do some more talking. This is random hanging out that almost feels normal, even when one of the people you’re hanging out with is the emperor of everything. You all walk back to the tower, and you don’t part until Dirk and AR have pretty much walked you to the door of your room. “Okay so, that was fun,” you say when you get to the door. “Thanks for the invite.” 

“We really had a great time,” Jade says. 

“I enjoyed your company,” AR says, and it almost doesn’t sound prompted. (You have discovered that if Dirk is secretly talking to AR, he always glances at AR, even if he’s trying to hide that he’s texting with his brain.)

“We should do it again,” Dirk says. “Maybe a movie night?” 

“A movie night sounds good,” You say, glancing at Jade, who nods.

“Let us know when would be a good time,” Jade says.

“Okay.” Dirk and AR manage to say that at the same time, which is slightly creepy. You’re not sure if it’s in a “creepy twin” way or in a “couples finish each other’s sentences” way. 

“Goodnight!” It’s apparently your and Jade’s turn to do the creepy unison thing. 

“Goodnight,” Dirk says, echoed by AR. 


	9. ==>AR: analyze the experience (confer with your advisers)

The date was more than you were expecting in a number of respects. You gained valuable data. You had a social occasion with Dirk that qualified as a “real date.” 

What you did not expect: 

  * You did not expect to enjoy yourself as much as you did. Any time spent with Dirk is good, but you also enjoyed your interactions with Jade and Dave.
  * You did not expect the festival goers’ reaction to you at the festival. There was some hostility in the forums, but a remarkable lack of it at the festival. 
  * (You also did not expect Jade and Dave’s immediate assistance. It was something Dirk or Roxy would do, but Jade had made the initial suggestion, and all three of them worked as a team.) 
  * You had not expected to participate in the festival activities beyond listening to music, yet when Jade had pulled Dave into the dance area, you’d been seized by a desire to join them.



You replay the details of the date; the initial gathering in the lobby, the walk to the park, the date itself, the walk back. It was four hours, thirty minutes of social interaction; and at the end of it, there had been agreement for a future interaction, again as a group. You think this counts as a success. 

You send a message clarifying the location of the future “movie night” to Dirk. His place would be less intimidating, “your place” would be more private, “their place” would have too many unfamiliar factors, and was too small. (You wonder if sending information to them about available non-emergency housing within the tower would be helpful or seen as insulting, and then wonder why that would matter and send the information.) 

There are currently:

  * Keyword flags: Your name, Dirk’s name, “android emperor,” “the emperor,” usually in reference to your presence at the festival. General tone: positive.
  * Homophobic statements concerning Dirk Strider on blogs and in the forum: they are immediately scrambled, blogs and accounts locked with the message: Maybe you should rethink insulting Dirk Strider. 
  * Attempts to identify Jade and Dave, accompanied by wild speculation.
  * Text from Roxy demanding details of date.
  * Text from Dirk’s Brother wanting to talk about “public relations.”
  * A number of posts about your appearance at the festival with accompanying pictures. 
  * Accurate speculation on why certain comments and posts instantly get scrambled. Comments wishing certain racist, sexist or homophobic posts would also find themselves scrambled. 



You contact Strider:

AR: It’s not as if I kept my plans hidden, Strider. I’m not seeing any problems.

AR: Aside from idiots.

DS: im mostly kicking myself because this would have been a good pr opportunity

DS: and the security should have been tighter sorry auto

DS: the kids have good instincts though

AR: A PR opportunity would be outside the parameters of “a real date.”

AR: I have no issue with the security.

AR: I am surprised at the immediate action Jade Harley took.

DS: yeah she really has a good head on her shoulders

DS: also since there are no parents or guardians present to ask the question

DS: what are your intentions toward miss harley and my eerily familiar namesake

AR: I believe Dirk has been assumed to be the responsible party.

DS: hes at most two or three years older than them and so far hes told me squat

AR: If Dirk has told you “squat” I feel that I must likewise tell you “squat.”

DS: yea i think no on that one im your pr guy and your prime minister and i need something to say if the media has a question

DS: cmon auto what do i tell the pundits and the paparazzi

AR: That it isn’t any of their business who I associate with.

AR: Not that there are any pundits or paparazzi in the first place.

DS: auto you did the dance of your people in front of god and everybody with my little bro and two other kids

DS: they are now very well known and probably were the moment they showed up with you and dirk

DS: what do i tell the amateur news service

AR: I am seeing a great deal of speculation concerning Dave and Jade. (Are you sure Dave isn’t related to you? His phenotype and preference for wearing sunglasses indoors seems very similar.)

DS: i am sure the kid is not related to me despite appearances the harley kid looks hauntingly like photos of grandma English when she was a kid tho

DS: so what should i say

AR: Only that they are friends of Dirk participating in a social experiment.

DS: is that what you kids are calling dates these days

AR: It’s an accurate statement. I and Dirk hardly had a conventional courtship or a conventional relationship.

AR: That is to say, we’ve never experienced actual “dates.” 

AR: I am studying human social interaction to be a better romantic partner to Dirk. Dave and Jade are assisting in this project. 

DS: a little bird told me there was a situation involving dave tho

DS: im kind of curious why he and his girlfriend is part of this “social experiment” and if theres a connection.

AR: The situation was resolved amicably. The only connection is that Dirk and I are socializing with Jade and Dave.

AR: In relation to Dave and Jade, I’d like to reopen the file on the Lafayette community.

AR: I have anecdotal evidence that Lafayette is keeping its people prisoner. They are also euthanizing the critically ill or injured. There’s also evidence of forced reproduction, eugenics related infanticide, and internal leadership instability. 

AR: I would like a better idea of the situation beyond “will not join the network/antagonistic toward contact.”

AR: If intake interviews were part of the entry process I would have the information in question… 

DS: still not a thing that’s happening too many places doing intake interviews were looking for reasons to kick refugees out or giving them shitty and dangerous assignments 

DS: if they were lucky

DS: we didn’t do intakes just made it clear there work rosters to sign up for if you had the relevant experience

AR: Your community fell apart due to your open admission policy. 

DS: it fell apart because we didnt realize we needed to get political soon enough

DS: and we kept it together a lot longer than more restricted communities 

AR: Point.

AR: Lafayette.

DS: yeah okay open it back up just no firebombing

AR: No firebombing. I was thinking more in terms of armed inspectors and “relief workers.” Mostly humans with a few Sagittarius units. Some of the humans could be from communities on the network.

DS: why Sagittarius units? why not the Libras?

AR: Libra units are showing more interest in “police” and “social work.” Sagittarius units are more “military” though some are showing interest in “first responder” work such as “search and rescue.”

DS: …

DS: thats kind of a surprise

AR: Very few androids have actual animosity toward humans. Not even Sagittarius units.

AR: Even since actual interaction became possible.

DS: thats also kind of surprising 

DS: are we going to need to arrange actual face time for the lafayette situation

AR: Yes. Also, arrange meetings with the community leaders closest to Lafayette, who are on the network.

DS: okay on it

AR: Schedule a block of time between 1400 and 1600 two day from now.

AR: And step up your staff/subordinate hiring process.

DS: okay

At the same time, you contact Roxy: 

AR: The date went well.

AR: It was an interesting experience.

TG: tale me EVERYATHING!

You give Roxy an overview of the date, including the meeting in the lobby and ending with walking Dave and Jade back to their room. Roxy asks a great many questions and is very interested in the conversations you had. (She pronounces your exchanges with Jade and Dave about “puppy eyes” to be “too fucking cute!”) 

TG: there are vids of u and Dirk and the kids dancing

TG: u look rilly impressive and by impressive I mean hawt

TG: I bet Dirk swooned 

TG: Looks liek Dave did too lol!

AR: Dave looked like he wanted to abscond. I am not sure that counts as swooning.

TG sent davetotallyswooning.pic to AR!

TG: That look is CLEARLY an “oh shit he’s hat”

TG: *hot

AR: There was no swooning. Jade persuaded Dave to remain on the dance floor, and Dirk joined in. 

AR: The other participants regained their confidence and returned to the dance area.

TG: Did u have fun? Dancing I mean.

AR: Dancing is an interesting social experience.

TG: Did. U. Have. Fun?

AR: I supposed I did, after a fashion. Dirk enjoyed the experience, as did Dave and Jade. 

TG: Good!

AR: Are you the “little bird” responsible for letting Strider know about the situation with Dave?

TG: Welp it was like, “why is my lil bro moping?” and I was like idk

TG: And he kinda pried it outta me?

TG: Is it a proplem?

AR: No. But I now know not to trust you with state secrets.

TG: You now know who can interrogate me w/no problems cuz I’ll just tell him.

TG: And was it supposed to be a state secret?

AR: Not really. 

AR: I have complicated feelings. 

AR: I didn’t like Strider questioning my intentions.

AR: But in some sense questioning my intentions could be seen as one of his duties. Especially where humans or a specific human is concerned.

AR: I do not feel about Dave as I do about Dirk.

AR: I do not feel about Jade as I do about you.

AR: But I enjoyed interacting with Dave and “messing with his head.” 

AR: And I enjoyed interacting with Jade for much the same reason I enjoy interacting with you.

TG: It seems like Dirk isn’t the only one doing the socializing outstide his kinship group thing!

AR: I suppose that’s true. 

AR: You consider me part of your kinship group?

TG: Uh, duh? You are totes part of my kinship group.

TG: Is that okay with you? Cuz you kind of married in.

AR: I

AR: I think it’s definitely okay. I don’t think I considered it that way however. 

AR: I don’t think I want to be related in any sense to Jake English however.

TG: lol!

You talk to some time with Roxy and Dirk’s brother, while working on a number projects. You are thinking of a great many things. Socialization. Integration. The various blog posts and forum conversations you’re skimming through. (You send some of the pictures and posts to Dave, Dirk and Jade.) The conversations you’re involved with, with other androids about the autonomy project, and various book and story discussions you’re having, the upcoming meeting concerning the Lafayette situation. 

There’s an alert: you and Dirk are due for an intimate interaction. One of the more strenuous ones. You check your schedule and his more informal one. Dirk is going to be sparring with Dave at 1300, but doesn’t currently have anything else scheduled. Dirk might want to socialize with Dave after sparring, possibly going out to eat at one of the cafeterias. You send a message to Dirk: Would you and Dave mind my watching you spar? And joining you for socialization afterward? 

TT: I don’t mind. I’ll check with Dave.

TT: He doesn’t mind either.

TT: Well okay he said a lot of stuff about it just being sparring and he would totally go easy on me, but it boils down to not minding. 

TT: Is this another date?

AR: Not quite.

AR: I plan on dragging you off somewhere afterward and making you scream.

AR: It’s an experiment in anticipation.

TT: Are you doing the anticipating or am I?

AR: Yes.

To Dave you send:

AR: Why would you go easy on him?

TG: i dunno because he has a super protective boyfriend maybe

AR: The purpose of sparring is to practice skills that will be used in combat.

AR: “Going easy” on someone would be a failure of the objective.

TG: it was mostly a joke anyway 

AR: Because “super protective boyfriend?”

TG: yea that

AR: I know the difference between actual harm, an accident, and sparring.

AR: You have nothing to worry about. 

TG: okay

AR: Also, don’t be alarmed when I carry Dirk off to have my way with him. 

TG: what

AR: I don’t believe I need to repeat myself.

TG: uh okay 

TG: just wow

AR: Are you having visuals of me dragging Dirk off to have my way with him? 

TG: no 

AR: You’re flustered. 

TG: it would be really difficult not to be.

From Dirk you get the text:

TT: AR, please stop trying to freak out Dave.

You reply:

AR: I wasn’t aware that I was “trying.”

TT: You are very trying. 

TT: This is mostly why I love you, but still, knock it off. 

AR: Very well.

To Dave you write: 

AR: You cannot always use Dirk as a buffer.

TG: he was just reading over my shoulder when he realized you were texting me too

TG: im not hiding behind him or anything

AR: We will continue this conversation at a later time then.

TG: oh god could we not

AR: No.

You go to watch Dirk and Dave spar. When you make an appearance, Dave is very uneasy, and barely avoids a strike from Dirk because he’s distracted by you. He recovers quickly however, and focuses on Dirk. They are both very fast, and very skilled with the archaic weapons, their expressions blank with concentration. You have an aesthetic appreciation of their movements, which are graceful and swift. (Not as fast as you, but very fast.) 

You take pictures and short vids of both of them and send them to Roxy and Jade with a brief message: is this hot? 

Roxy: so hawt.

Jade: It is so great Dave has someone to spar with again! No one fought with swords at Lafayette except him and Bro. Machetes don’t actually count, according to him. 

And yes, our boyfriends are hot.

True to your word, after the sparring match, the conversation afterward, and dinner, you pick Dirk up and carry him off to have your way with him. (You arranged to have the meal be just the three of you in one of the lounging areas. Dirk might like being embarrassed in certain situations, but some forms of embarrassment were to be avoided.) Dave looks panicked for an instant, then like he might reflexively try to attack you. (Dirk’s “it’s okay!” must seem very unconvincing.) Then he realizes--remembers--what’s going on and goes bright red. 

Dirk struggles as you carry him down silent halls, though it’s possibly more because he likes feeling your limbs tighten around him. (Another factor is that your shoulder is not very comfortable and he has been slung over a nest of hard metal tentacles.) A temporary “playroom” has been set up, and you go to it immediately. You leave the door ajar. “We’re going to try an experiment,” you say as you set Dirk down. 

“What kind of experiment?” Dirk asks, looking around the room. The floor has a thick padding that gives underneath your feet. There’s a flat, adjustable platform, also padded. 

“You’re still wearing clothes,” you say in response. 

Dirk flushes, and his gaze drops. He immediately begins to undress, quickly and efficiently. He folds his clothes and sets them on a nearby shelf. “You’re already hard and we haven’t even started,” you say. 

He flushes more. “Anticipation?” he asks. 

You circle him. He stands in an alert, wary pose, watching you. “Did you like that I was watching you spar?” 

“Yeah? I like when you take an interest in things I’m interested in.” 

“It was an aesthetically pleasing sight,” you admit. “Two informants also felt that it was also sexually arousing.” 

“Two informants?” 

“I sent a video to Jade and Roxy,” you say. 

“You asked Jade and Roxy if me and Dave were sexually arousing?” Dirk asks, embarrassed and a little angry. 

“I phrased it asking if you were ‘hot,’ but yes,” you tell him. You’re behind him now, and take hold of his arms. He goes very still, and allows you to pull him against you. “Does that upset you?” 

“A little,” Dirk says. He relaxes against you as you wrap limbs around his arms and chest. “Kind of embarrassing, though that’s probably why you did it.”

“Did you think it was ‘hot,’ sparring with Dave, knowing what was going to happen later?” You ask in his ear. 

Dirk swallows, chin tilting up to expose his collar and his throat. One of your appendages wraps around his throat, like the curve of a dangerous necklace. “Am I in trouble if I say yeah?” he asks quietly. 

“Knees,” you tell him, and he drops immediately, even though the appendage around his neck chokes him a little as he goes down. “Of course not. I’m impressed you were able to spar though, as distracted as you must have been.” 

Dirk laughs a little at that. “I was more worried that he might see my stiffy.” 

“Why? It wasn’t like he wasn’t informed about possible reasons for your ‘stiffy’.”

“Still embarrassing,” Dirk says. 

“He seemed very flustered, both when I warned him, and when I carried you off,” you say. “Though in the latter case, he seemed very worried for you.” 

“Yeah, well, androids carrying people off, not generally a good thing in the past,” Dirk says. 

“True.” You wrap appendages around his legs, pulling them apart. Immobilized, he strains against your appendages. This isn’t struggling however, it’s more as if he’s testing their strength to hold him, in the sense that he wants to make sure _you’re_ strong enough to hold him. You experiment with making him squirm and whimper, study the way he always, always arches up into your sharp claws when you brush them against his skin. You are exploring his genitals when you say, “he seemed very concerned. Do you think he might have followed us?” 

Dirk has not gotten close to the point where he can’t speak, but it takes a while for him to form words. “I would have seen him… you would have seen him.”

“Are you sure?” you ask Dirk in a concerned voice. “He might have waited in the lounge, then followed us.” You lift Dirk, and set him face down on the platform, then climb on after him, straddling his legs. You lie carefully on top of him, careful not to lower more than a fraction of your weight against him. You kiss between his shoulder blades, and down his spine. 

“N-no,” Dirk says. He starts humping against the platform, but you push his hips down until he can’t move. He whines. 

“No what?” You ask him. “No, you’re not sure? No, he didn’t follow us? No, no more kissing?”

“AR!” Dirk protests. 

“Answer the question, Dirk,” you tell him. You sit up a little as you reach the curve of his ass. You knead with your fingers, before leaning in to lick and “open him up” with your tongue. The noises Dirk makes are wordless little pleas, and your name. You pause long enough to repeat your request. 

Dirk whines, but says, “didn’t follow us.” 

You replace your tongue with fingers smeared with lubricant. Dirk pushes back on your fingers, tries to grind against the platform. You don’t let him do either, really. You allow the sensors in your fingers to buzz, which makes Dirk squirm more. “The door’s open,” You say. “Can you see the door?” 

Dirk turns his head, and nods that yes, he can see the door. 

“What if Dave, overcome by concern, was just outside the door, and could hear the noises you were making?” You ask, leisurely finger-fucking him. “Of course he’d know what was going on, so perhaps he’d retreat, embarrassed by what he was hearing. What if he wants to leave, but he’s frozen to the spot, overwhelmed by his own feelings of infatuation?” 

“Nnn,” Dirk says. Then. “Experiment?” 

“What if he’s watching right now,” you say, ignoring Dirk’s comment. “And his hand starts to drift to the crotch of his pants. He’s embarrassed of course, but his arousal and the thrill of possibly being caught is too much for him.”

“No,” Dirk says, then, “please AR.” 

“Which is it, Dirk, no, or please?” You ask him, pausing in your ministrations. 

“Please, please, please,” Dirk chants, squirming beneath you. 

You start again. 

“Not there,” Dirk says. “Wouldn’t have followed.” Both comments come several seconds apart. 

“But what if he were?” You ask. 

“Oh god,” Dirk pants. “I’d die of embarrassment?” 

“Are you sure? You didn’t die when your brother walked in, though your interest in the proceedings was considerably…wilted.” 

“Don’t talk about my bro when you have your fingers up my ass!” Dirk says.

“Let me think about your request,” You say, and increase the vibration. Dirk cries out and simultaneously tries to get away from your fingers, and impale himself on them. “Do you think Dave would run away once we let him know we knew he was there?” You ask. 

“Fuck,” Dirk says. “I don’t, I don’t know,” he gasps. “AR please.”

“Let you come, or stop asking questions about Dave?”

“Yes!”

“Pick one, Dirk,” you say. 

Dirk whines. He knows this is a trap. He knows this is a trap because he is not stupid. However his critical thinking is not operating at peak efficiency. “Let me come!” 

So you let him come. Eventually. And you stop asking questions about Dave. You do however, keep talking about Dave. But there isn’t a single question involved. You talk about imaginary Dave palming his dick while he listens to you and Dirk. You talk about catching Dave in the act, and the “punishment” that ensues. Dirk is most likely not tracking well enough for most of what you’re saying, when you finally let him come. 

You curl up with him after; pleased by the way he instantly clings to you. You cuddle with him, running your fingers through his hair. You kiss him, and tell him that he’d been very “good,” and that the experiment had excellent results. He sleepily tells you that you’re getting better at aftercare and also kinkier by the day. 

“But you like it?” 

“I always like your experiments,” Dirk says. “Even the ones that go really wrong.” 

“Do you think this one might?” You are not talking about the experiment you just performed. You are talking about the wider experiment, of socialization, and interaction with Dave and Jade.

“It might, it might not,” Dirk tells you. “It depends on how likely Dave and Jade are to run off screaming into the wastes I guess? Or me for that matter.” 

“We’ll try to avoid the running into the wastes,” you say. “There are racist cannibal survivalists out there.” 


	10. ==>Dirk: talk about the aftermath (have a Movie Night at your place)

The playroom is always in a different part of the Tower. It varies in size, furniture and decor. Somewhere there is a team of androids whose job it is to set up and tear down the room. You’re pretty sure you haven’t met them. (You hope you haven’t met them.) You are deeply, deeply embarrassed by this, because it seems like a huge extravagance; a temporary room just for having sex. On the other hand, you like the random playrooms because they’re for experiments, pushing boundaries, exploring fantasies in an environment that was more or less “neutral.” Not your room (your territory), not the operation center (AR’s territory), and not the shared space of AR’s respite station. 

The experiment this time around was: expose subject to the idea of being watched by someone who is concerned for his welfare but also harbors a crush. Supply scenarios and possibilities and study subject’s reactions to suggestions. Eventually allow subject to orgasm.

After the experiment you have a really long nap curled up comfortably in AR’s arms and appendages. After the nap, a very solicitous AR feeds you a small snack and gives you a bottle of flavored water with electrolytes. (The concern for your health after the “marathon sessions” is kind of cute, even when--or especially when--AR is also so smug about having made you come your brains out.) “We’ve done the ‘someone might be watching’ thing before but that was--” You aren’t sure how to put it. “Different.”

“Different in a bad way, or a good way?” AR asks.

“Mostly good,” You say. The uneasiness at the thought of being watched, the embarrassment of it being someone you know. That had been good. “I’m not sure we’d be so sexy to Dave that he’d be overcome with lust though.”

“I have it on good authority that Dave’s reaction to me at one point was ‘oh shit he’s hot,’” AR says. “I sent a picture to your cellphone,” he says as your cell phone beeps.

You open the image file. “I don’t know, that looks more like ‘oh shit claws.’” Dave’s whole pose radiates surprise. Dave is anchored to the spot by Jade, who has him by the arm. Her expression is wary, but curious.

“You think my claws are ‘hot,’” AR points out.

“That’s because they are. I don’t think everyone has my fetish about your claws though.” You grin up at him. “I think it’s mostly that we’ve never done ‘someone is watching us’ with someone who actually has a crush on me. So, it feels…really different.” Maybe a little like an invasion of privacy? Disrespect for Dave’s feelings? You aren’t really certain. At the same time it had been pretty intense, imagining Dave just outside the door, able to see you, frozen in place by what he was seeing.

“You responded well to the scenario I provided,” AR says.

“Yeah,” you feel your face heat a little. “You went a little further into the imagery, and the ‘someone watching’ wasn’t usually getting off. It’s usually ‘they can hear you moaning,’ not ‘you can hear them moaning.’”

“Did you like it as a change of pace?” AR asks.

“I think I kind of did? I think I kind of also liked the ‘sexy punishment’ part.” From what you remember, it involved AR catching Dave with his pants down literally, completely mortified. AR had gone on to describe Dave being restrained while you interrogated and then ‘punished’ him under AR’s direction. Thinking about it made your face heat up.

“I was not sure if you heard that part,” AR says, looking wickedly pleased with himself. “Your responses had begun to lose coherency at that point.”

“I heard parts of it,” you say. “And how you sounded while you were talking about it.”

“Dave’s reactions interest me,” AR says. “I do not in any way feel for him the way I do about you. I feel I must make this very clear. I don’t want you to feel the way you did when you first woke up, feeling as if I couldn’t possibly want you, now that I had the world. The only reason I ‘had’ the world was because of you, Dirk.”

One of his appendages snakes around your waist. You rest your hand on it, and smile at AR. “It’s okay,” you tell him. “We were both kinda insecure at that point I think?”

“Perhaps a little,” AR says. “Most likely a lot, given Roxy’s assessment of our reunion. I wanted to impress you, and everything I said made you more convinced I didn’t need you.”

“Yeah. I was in a really weird mental place when I woke up. How do you feel about Dave?” you ask.

“I enjoy ‘freaking him out,’” AR says. “The rambling and subvocalizing is often very interesting. His crush on you is another point of interest, and I’m studying his relationship with Jade, who I am also acquiring and interest in.”

“What kind of interest?” you ask.

“Somewhat analogous to my feelings for Roxy,” AR says. “Though not exactly the same. Much the way my feelings for Dave are not like my feeling for you. I asked Roxy about this, and she said ‘it looks like Dirk isn’t the only one socializing outside his kinship group.’” AR frowns thoughtfully. “I think she was in a way implying that she approved of my making friends. She also said that she saw me as a member of her kinship group which…I liked quite a lot.”

“I think in general Roxy approves of people making friends,” you say, leaning against AR. “I think you making friends with a few select humans outside the ‘kinship group’ would be pretty great.” A thought occurs to you then. “Hey AR?”

“What?”

“Do you remember back at the old compound, when you asked me if I were a polyamorous individual?”

“Yes,” AR says in a tone that indicates: _of course I remember._

“What would you have done, if I had said I was polyamorous?”

“I would not have _prevented_ you from engaging in polyamorous behavior,” AR says. “I would have placed certain restrictions on it however. Socializing activities, but limited physical intimacy, most likely; I was very invested in being the focus of your infatuation. I would have worried about rivals, I think. Is there a reason you thought of it just now?”

“I was just thinking, do you think you might be a polyamorous individual?” 

“An interesting question,” AR says thoughtfully. “I’m not capable of sexual attraction, and you know how my previous interactions with humans generally ended. I did interact with other androids, but generally kept myself at a distance. On the other hand, one of the reasons I selected Dave and Jade as potential ‘partners’ is because their somewhat ‘open’ relationship seemed to fit with what could be a polyamorous model.”

“So that’s a definitely maybe?” you ask.

“It’s a possibility I am willing to explore. What about you?” AR asks. “Do you think that you might be polyamorous at this point?”

You think about it. AR is…you don’t want to say “everything,” that would be kind of dramatic, but he is. You would do anything for him. The crush you had on Jake for years was a little tea light compared to your feelings for AR. At the same time you’re curious, drawn along by AR’s curiosity, but also by Dave’s oddball sense of humor, the experience of sparring with him--testing each other’s skills and improving them--and hanging out with him. You _liked_ Dave; you were flattered that he had a crush on you…and the fantasy AR had spun about Dave created a thrill of interest that wasn’t in any way platonic. “I think that would also be a definite maybe,” you say. “This is pretty much all speculation at this point, and dating.” 

“I look forward to observing, and participating,” AR says.

You talk about other things. AR fills you in on some of his projects and plans. One of the current ones is about Lafayette, the community Dave and his friends came from. You agree that something needs to be done about the community, from what Dave and Jade had been talking about. You’re a little curious about Lafayette being a priority, when there was probably a huge list of communities with similar problems. (There were a couple of groups on the west coast who were just as bad and maybe worse, for instance.) AR says their proximity to the hub makes them an excellent test case for an intervention policy he had been working on. You’re not entirely sure that’s the whole truth, but you’re willing to go with it. He shows you the policy outline, and asks your opinion.

After talking to AR, you head back to your apartment. You shower, nap, and then get up to check up on the resource gathering mission Jake and Jane are on. Both are fine, though the team had a hostile encounter with a very small settlement that hadn’t been contacted yet. No one had been seriously harmed. (The settlement was put on the ‘not safe to contact’ list.) Jane and Jake send you pictures and a partial inventory of what they’ve been able to acquire. There were also several “friendly” contacts with communities that were on the network. Those contacts had mostly involved trade and information dispersal and exchange. (Jake and Jane really sound like they’re having fun; you kind of wish you’d gone with them. Maybe you would next time.)

You send a message to Dave.

TT: Hey. I just wanted to touch base with you. You looked a little spooked by the dramatic exit.

TG: yeah that was something

TG: i somehow did not think he was literally going to carry you off

TG: but that was literally a thing i saw happen

TG: i kinda

TG: okay is it okay to ask if youre okay i mean of course youre okay but

TT: I’m okay. We had fun. Were you worried?

TG: maybe a little

TG: uh does that happen a lot

TG: sorry that is like really prying

TT: No, it’s okay. I knew he was going to do that, it’s something he likes to do that I enjoy. He warned you, right?

TG: yeah but it was still a surprise and i kinda freaked out a little bit

TT: He likes doing that too. Scaring the crap out of people; he’s kind of sadistic.

TG: does he freak you out

TT: Yeah, he does sometimes. He’s kind of intense, and our relationship started out pretty unsafe.

TT: That would be an understatement actually. It was extremely unsafe. But I don’t want you to be scared of him. 

TT: Or worried about me for that matter.

TG: hard not to be

TG: scared i mean i think im getting less worried except when suddenly android snatch and grabbing my bro

TG: which may or may not have happened to my bro bro were not sure he was just gone and i moved in with rose and roses mom

TG: nightmares about it for weeks though

TG: kind of a digression

TG: sorry

TG: anyway i said he kind of reminds me of my bro, because weird and uncomfortable questions and also the sense of him always being around even if he might not be

TG: its familiar in a weird way, though theres also this other vibe like hes maybe flirting or something

TG: is that a thing hes doing or do i just have a really unusual concept of flirting

TT: If you think he is you’re probably right. He’s interested in you.

TG: interested interested or poke dave with a stick interested

TG: or is there a difference where dangerbots are concerned

TT: I think there is possibly not very much of a difference. He likes the way you react to him, and he thinks your responses are interesting.

TT: He also mentioned being curious about that thing you do sometimes. The narrating/rambling thing? 

TG: you two were talking about me

TT: Yeah. We were talking about the “experiment” and kind of sorting out our feelings. You and Jade were a pretty big influence on the feelings we were sorting through.

TG: ar likes jade too

TT: He says he feels about her something like he feels about Roxy. So, someone to give him advice about things he doesn’t understand, and also rant to about whatever media he’s consuming.

TT: I should warn you right now never get him started on the Three Laws of Robotics. You will never hear the end of it. Or any Star Trek episode with an artificial intelligence.

TG: im guessing you know this from personal experience

TT: Yes. Extensive personal experience.

TG: do you like jade

TT: She’s smart, she’s funny and also apparently fearless. I’m really interested in her ideas, and I think if she gets involved in the same projects me and Roxy are involved in, it’s going to be great working with her.

TG: do you like her like her though

TT: I uh. I mostly like guys.

TG: so her cute is largely theoretical to you

TT: Liking guys does not mean I can’t tell when a girl is cute. And she is.

TG: okay cool

TG: so do you think im cute

TG: uh imagine a train whistle drowning that out

TG: a visual train whistle

TT: Sorry. There is in fact no such thing as a visual train whistle.

TT: You are in fact cute.

TT: I would definitely say I am also interested.

TG: interested as in poking dave with a stick interested

TG: or in poking dave with your stick insert suggestive eye brow wiggling here

TT: The interest might have receded by 5% with that line. Maybe as much as 10%

TT: Otherwise I kind of like where this might be going.

TT: Speaking of things going, we were going to do another double date--a movie night this time, right? Do you think you and Jade will have time to come over to my place tomorrow?

TG: pretty sure we could clear our busy schedules what time

TT: Seven.

TG: checking with jade

TG: she says sure

TG: add in a couple of exclamation points and a lot of smiley faces

TT: We could also, maybe talk a little about where we want to take this, and the pace?

TG: worried about sweeping me off my feet

TG: youve met jade right

TG: yea big imagine im measuring a height slightly above my shoulder

TG: personality of a cheerful bull dozer

TT: I think I recall someone fitting that description.

TG: the ride has been full of twists and turns

TG: and pretty surprising

TG: but i don’t think too fast

TG: though talking about it might be a thing to do

TG: we can pretend we are responsible semi adults who talk things out

TT: Sound like a plan. We’ll see you tomorrow at seven then.

TG: cool

When Jade and Dave show up the next night, the general atmosphere is a lot more relaxed than the meeting before the music festival, even with AR looming in the background. There’s pizza and soda, and the four of you talk about random things, and what movies you want to watch. You end up with a science fiction double feature of the first _Alien_ movie and _Sunslammer Down_ , a movie that came out just before the war. (One was a movie about an alien on a human ship, and the other about humans investigating the crash landing of an alien ship. The general theme was “body horror.”) The difference between special effects technologies was pretty interesting, if also a little jarring.

After the movies, you all talk about random things, but eventually, Jade says, “Dave said you guys wanted to talk about the experiment?”

“To make sure everyone is on the same page,” AR says. “And discuss how far we would like to take this double dating.” He smirks, an evil glint in his eye. “And perhaps make a small confession.”

Your face heats, because you can guess what he’s talking about. “AR, no.”

“I believe the correct response is ‘AR, yes,” AR replies.

You groan.

“A confession?” Jade asks, her tone both wary and curious. 

“A recent experiment involved a fantasy featuring your boyfriend, coming across Dirk and myself being intimate with each other.”

“What,” Dave says blankly. “So when you say you were talking about me, you were--”

“We did talk about you, in a completely non-fantasizing way,” you say quickly. “It’s just that there might have been fantasizing, prior to that.”

“What was the fantasy about?” Jade asks.

“I would say ‘Jade no’ here, but I already know the answer,” Dave says. “So, uh, what entirely imaginary thing did imaginary Dave do?”

“Unintentional voyeurism becomes intentional voyeurism,” AR says. “Dirk enjoyed himself but I think he had some misgivings afterward due to the experiment and potential development of a relationship.”

“Yeah, I did, that’s why I avoided talking about it,” you say, face hot. “It didn’t seem like an okay thing to do, after the fact.”

“How do you feel about it, Dave?” AR asks Dave whose face is as red as yours feels.

“Really uncomfortable,” Dave says. “But uh, kind of also flustered. Senpai was thinking about me, doki dokis and shoujo flowers everywhere.”

“What about you, Jade?” AR asks.

“Curious, and a little flustered too maybe? Curious because I kind of want details,” she says. “Flustered because well, it was something the two of you were doing to be sexy, and prying into that feels weird, especially since it was about Dave.” She smiles at you. “How do you feel, about AR talking about it?”

“Pretty embarrassed,” you say. “I kind of took pains to avoid talking about it to Dave, when I suggested talking about where we’re going with this.”

“Dave mentioned that you were concerned about going too fast?” Jade asks.

“Or too slow, or chasing you both off accidentally,” you say.

“Well, you haven’t yet!” Jade says with a grin. “I don’t know about Dave though.”

“I’m still cool about it,” Dave says. “I’m also kind of curious about the details of the voyeurism thing, but at the same time, I don’t want to know. I am considering the scenario, and it is not going well in my head.”

“Well, in the fantasy, you do get caught in the act,” AR says with an evil smile.

“Oh no,” Jade says. Her expression is not “oh no.” It looks more like “avidly curious.”

“What happens?”

“He’s punished, of course,” AR says, still smiling that evil smile.

“Kinky,” Dave says.

“And very entertaining,” AR says. “Would you like me to describe it?”

You and Dave say “no,” and Jade says “yes!”

“I’ll send you a transcript.”

“I will do nearly anything for you to not do that,” Dave says. “Please.”

Jade’s cell phone dings. Jade checks her email and says, “thanks AR!”

“You're welcome,” AR says. 

“Jaaaade,” Dave whines and dramatically tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling. “Why is my girlfriend such a perv?” 

“Access to questionable literature. I’ll send you a copy!” Jade says.

“Sure, okay, fine,” Dave sighs. “Send me a transcript of Imaginary Dave getting spanked by the emperor of everything. My morals have already been corrupted by your questionable literature.” 


	11. ==>Jade: evaluate the interactions (have a discussion about beards with AR)

The conversation goes into the early A.M. the four of you talking about where you want to go with this relationship “experiment.” (There are a few wild tangents, breaks to tease or be teased about reactions or comments. There are also side discussions about human emotions versus android.) It’s a surprisingly easy conversation to have! The four of you are “clicking” a lot the way you had during the musical festival. It’s not exactly like the “family team” feeling you have with Dave, his sister and your cousin, but something new, and pretty exciting! You all talk boundaries and potential issues and interests (ordinary interests and “interests” with finger quotes and eyebrow waggles), and end with a proposal that Dirk and Dave go on a date alone. 

“What,” Dave says flatly, staring at AR, who had made the suggestion. “I mean yeah, but also, what.”

“Are you sure, AR?” Dirk asks. 

“Quite sure,” AR says. “Unless you’re not?” 

Dirk is flushing, which is kind of cute, and runs his fingers through his hair, on the shorter side. “For some reason it seems like a really big step.”

“If that’s true, our first kiss is gonna blow your mind,” Dave says. Then he gives AR a half guilty look that’s kind of hilarious.

“Don’t blow his mind too much, not unless there are pictures,” you say. Both Dirk and Dave give each other and then you horrified “did she just say that?” looks, then check to see AR’s reaction.

AR looks pretty amused! “It would take a great deal to blow Dirk’s mind, as I know from personal experience. I am not sure you’re up to the task, Dave,” AR says in a really smug tone.

Dave flushes, and opens and closes his mouth a couple times like a fish while his brain tries to catch up. “There is nothing I can say to that that won’t get me in huge trouble,” he says. “I am not going to challenge the emperor of everything to a blowing Dirk’s mind contest.” 

(There’s a little pause in there that tells you he was probably going to say something like “blowing Dirk contest” without the “mind” part, but didn’t. This is excellent self-editing! You’re so proud of him that you give him a big grin he returns with one of his tiny, minimalist smiles.) 

“I think I like ‘emperor of everything,’” AR says. “I’m usually ‘the android emperor’ or ‘the robot dictator,’ though sometimes Dirk’s brother refers to me as ‘Robo Overlord’ or ‘RoboLord.’ I feel that ‘emperor of everything’ shows a great deal of awareness on your part Dave.” He does something really creepy with his voice as he says that. A kind of buzzy synthesized tone that gives you goosebumps and makes Dave look more than a little spooked. “Of who’s in charge.” 

Dave recovers pretty quickly. “Yeah well, not just a pretty face here,” Dave says. “I got beauty and brains, plus a lot of sass.” 

AR smirks. “You have sass at least.” 

Dave does the fish routine again. You lean against him, shoulder to shoulder, and nudge him in the ribs. He stops the fish routine, and wraps his hand around yours. He squeezes your hand, and you squeeze back. “I’m kind of surprised you’re not asking for a date with Dave, AR,” you say. There is some definite flirt-intimidation going on under the banter, is what you mean. You try not to laugh at the betrayed little noise Dave makes at you. 

“Perhaps another time,” AR says. “If Dave is willing, and you have no objections.” 

“Not really?” You glance at Dave, who’s looking really flustered. 

“I guess?” he manages after a few minutes, and giving your hand a squeeze. “Dirk?” 

“I think I’m okay with it,” Dirk says carefully. “Are you okay with me going on a date with Dave, Jade?” 

You nod. “I’m fine with it! I just want a full transcript of everything that happens!” You are not entirely joking about this. 

“One can certainly be provided,” AR says. He is probably--no, definitely--not joking. 

“Oh my god,” Dave mutters under his breath. “Harley why?” 

“For science, Dave! For science!” You tell him. This leads to a conversation about privacy, dating as a social experiment, and collecting and analyzing data for said social experiment. You also settle on a night for Dirk and Dave’s date. (Venue still up in the air though. They are apparently still working out how to organize things like theaters and music clubs and other activities. Food and shelter are priorities over figuring out a nightlife. There are places to go, but they tend to be “there for a couple days and then they vanish” situations. )

Eventually, you and Dave go home. No escort this time (that you can see). Dave rambles, and you listen. The gist is that he’s nervous about the date, and also nervous about you being jealous, which is dumb. “Okay so you remember Melanie and Gina back at Lafayette and the definition of cheating which apparently stated that no guy could ever be friends with any girl if he was dating a girl? Because that was absolutely definitely cheating? I mean that was apparently definitely a thing that existed because Melanie beat the crap out of Gina for hanging out with Troy one time too many. Heterosexuals are scary man. I really hope the androids don’t decide that’s a thing that’s true because what if they decide humans aren’t capable of being social with the opposite sex once pairbonded or whatever? I will never be able to have snarky conversations with Rose again because we’re a thing. And what about same sex relationships? Will homos be forced to become cool gay friends for heterosexual couples because they can’t be trusted be social once pairbonded for the same reason heterosexual couples can’t be trusted?” 

Rose catches some of this as you and Dave get back to your room. “Is there a reason Dave’s spinning dystopian young adult visions?” she asks. 

“Yes and no,” you nudge Dave, who’s still mumbling, over to his bed, and sit him down. “Where’s John?” 

“Sleeping at a friend’s,” Rose says. “I believe there was a table top rpg involved. How was your night out?” 

“We had fun,” you tell her. “Despite young adult dystopian visions.” 

“My visions are the freshest remixes of dystopian science fiction as was ever dug out of the dusty stacks of Grampa Harley’s questionable literature collection,” Dave says. He’s flopped over onto his side, shades slightly askew. “From horse barbarians to twink telepaths, from predator/prey romance to really disturbing novels about rooms with no walls and way too many stairs, my source material is as vast as it is creepy.” 

“And from whence flew the inspiration?” Rose asks. 

“Is whence even a word?” Dave asks. “Jade, is whence a word?” 

“Yes, it’s a word,” you say. “Dave’s just worried about his date with Dirk.” 

Rose’s eyebrows go up. “As part of this ‘social experiment’?” 

“Yeah, let’s call it that,” Dave says. “Jade are you sure--?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” you grab one of your pillows and gently whack him with it. “You’re going to have fun if you don’t work yourself into a tizzy.” To Rose you say, “He’s being dumb.” 

“About the date?” 

“And thinking I’m going to be jealous,” you say. 

Rose gives you a look. “It’s not an unreasonable thought to have,” she says. “You’re not worried at all about Dave’s affections wandering elsewhere?” 

“Not really? I mean I’m pretty sure they’ll wander back?”

“I’m a dog that’s hard to keep off the porch,” Dave comments. “Jesus, I’m right here you two. You’re supposed to gossip behind my back, not in front of me.” 

“You could roll over,” Rose says. “I’m showing sisterly concern for this relationship that’s forming between the three? The four of you. Is the emperor going to be going on a date with Jade, for instance, while you’re dating his boyfriend?” 

You say, “not really?” 

At the same time Dave says, “It’s not a partner-swap Rose. And cutting you off at the pass here, I’d be okay with Jade and the emperor going out, but also terrified because they’re in cahoots.” 

You snicker. “I wouldn’t say cahoots, Dave!”

Dave gives you a doubtful look. “Dude, transcripts.” 

“Okay, maybe a little in cahoots,” you say. “Private, relationship transcripts Rose, so no, I’m not telling you about it!” 

“I see,” Rose says, giving you both a doubtful look. “I’ll stop prying. And won’t at all ask about these ‘transcripts.’” There’s a silent “for now,” in her tone. “You did have fun though?” 

You and Dave fill her in on the details, and eventually you all go to sleep. 

The next day, you get a text from AR:

AR: May I ask a number of questions? I would have asked them last night, but I perceived them to be too personal for open discussion.

GG: I can refuse to answer if they make me too uncomfortable?

AR: Of course. 

GG: Okay, shoot.

AR: I have noticed that while you and Dave engage in physical closeness and intimacy, and have a number of verbal and nonverbal signals to request intimacy you do not engage in activities that could be defined as sexual intimacy. Were you aware that birth control is readily available? Or is privacy an issue? 

GG: i knew about the birth control! privacy is not actually an issue.

GG: its just um. complicated?

AR: Is the complication related to the common joke among your kinship group about “beards?” 

GG: yeah, pretty much! one of the reasons i started dating dave was because he was getting in fights because he was a “fag.” of course being bisexual was almost as bad as far as everyone else was concerned but it also kept guys from bothering me because there was a united front thing going on. 

GG: the other reasons are because dave is a cute sweet dork, and even if he rambles constantly, he’s also really good at listening. 

GG: when i was little i thought he was really cool, though that didn’t last very long when i got to know him better. i think i had a crush on him when i was little because he seemed really cool? and a lot of the kids were kind of scared of him and his brother, except for john and rose?

GG: but he’s actually a dork. a super ninja king of the dorks. 

AR: Given the joke about beards, wherein Dave states that he’s your beard instead of the opposite, would I be correct in stating that you do not consider yourself to be “straight?”

GG: i am definitely not straight! is there a reason you’re being so roundabout in asking?

AR: Lafayette from what you’ve said is aggressively heteronormative. While I knew the line of questioning would cause discomfort, I thought being “roundabout” would make it feel less like I was forcing you to “out” yourself or you companions.

GG: that’s really nice of you! 

GG: (were you this nice when/if you asked dave orientation questions?) 

AR: Dave is unambiguously bisexual.

AR: I am much less concerned about Dave’s comfort levels than yours.

AR: My reasoning is somewhere between “I don’t want you to feel left out, driven away or otherwise excluded,” and “you might take your toys and go home.”

AR: So I am being more careful with you, especially since my faux pas concerning reproduction. Your orientation seems to be more ambiguous, for a variety of reasons, so it seemed to be something that you wanted to keep to yourself. 

GG: But you still wanted to ask? 

AR: You should know by now, Jade, my curiosity levels are above 9000.

AR: Also, you are a part of this social experiment, and I feel it’s important that your needs are met. 

GG: my needs are being met so far! I had a great time at the music festival, and also last night. it’s fun talking to you and dirk, and i’m really glad we talked things out last night. i know it made dave feel a lot better, though of course also more nervous, because dave.

AR: I feel that Dirk also benefited from the conversation. I also appreciated the chance to talk about the boundaries and goals of the relationship.

GG: (also i was just about to start reading the transcript. i didn’t get a chance to last night because rose wanted to interrogate us about the date.)

AR: Someone else who plans to ask about my intentions I see.

GG: I don’t think Rose would really do that? (someone asked about your intentions? XD)

AR: Dirk’s brother, and in a different sense, Roxy. 

GG: i noticed you didn’t ask about religious beliefs or trauma as a reason for no “sexual intimacy” is that related to you wanting to be “nice?”

AR: Somewhat. I tend to discount religious beliefs as a motivating factor, and observation did not lead me to suspect you followed a faith that restricted physical or sexual intimacy. Also from observation you may or may not be avoiding sexual intimacy as a result of trauma, and I decided to leave that to you to tell me if you chose.

GG: well it’s probably not trauma? i mean unless gross assholes who need to be kicked in the balls count as trauma? which i guess it might?

GG: aaand it’s not religious beliefs! grampa was pretty much agnostic, and so am i!

GG: i just don’t have a big interest in having sex?

GG: im pretty much bi like dave though!

AR: Are you familiar with the term “asexual?”

GG: yes, a little bit? there was a character in a book i read once who was asexual.

GG: grampa kind of didn’t believe it was a thing though. he thought i was a late bloomer.

AR: It is definitely a thing. 

AR: A thing I identify as, more or less. 

AR: Do you feel you might be a late bloomer?

GG: not really? “asexual” pretty much fits? 

GG: though i’m not sure because issues. 

AR: We could explore the subject, if you wanted to. There are books and articles I could lend you on the subject. 

GG: i think i’ll take you up on that!! :)

AR: I also wondered if you might like to go on a “date” of sorts with me, while your boyfriend and mine went on their date.

AR: “Date” gets quote marks because Roxy will also be there. So it will be less of a date and more of a get together.

GG: is she going to interrogate me about my intentions? :D

AR: She is more likely to give you advice.

AR: Fortunately I have found her advice to generally be excellent.

GG: Okay! Movie night, getting the best friend’s approval, and possibly spying on the boyfriends? 

AR: Do you have voyeuristic tendencies, Ms. Harley? I’m shocked. 

AR: (I am not actually shocked.)

GG: hehehehe! 

GG: i just want to see dave being an awkward dork, okay? 

GG: because its adorable.

AR: I’ll take your word for it. I look forward to seeing you.

GG: Likewise! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Books mentioned:
> 
> _Horseclans_ novels by Robert Adams (I have read so many of these novels. Oh god why. Post nuke, horrifyingly homophobic, lots and lots of rape/assault, and also consensual sibling incest. Conservative writer, lots of red-baiting and a deep hatred of environmentalists. On the other hand: giant telepathic cats and telepathic horses. The series is basically a trainwreck I couldn’t look away from.) 
> 
> _House of Stairs_ by William Sleator (I have only read small bits of it because squick.) 
> 
> _Cat_ series by Joan D. Vinge (The series is mostly about prejudice and the divide between rich and poor. Takes place in a far future setting. Our Hero is a cinnamon roll who basically goes through hell throughout the series. Please someone protect him.)
> 
> _Sime~Gen_ by Jean Lorrah and Jaqueline Lichtenberg (Series is post-apocalyptic and is about the human race having split into two species. The energy producing Gen and the vampiric and tentacled Sime, who feed on the Gen. The war between the two species is de-escalated by Sime who are able to draw energy without killing, and then transfer the energy to other Sime, and by Gen who are able to not die when energy is drawn from them. I have not actually read the books in question, I just know about them.) 
> 
> _Every Heart a Doorway_ by Seanan McGuire (It’s an awesome young adult novel about the kids who end up in mysterious magical lands, and then come back. Main character is asexual.)


	12. ==>Dave: go apartment hunting (have a housewarming party)

The next couple of days, the four of you finally do some apartment hunting. You’d already made the decision to continue living together as a unit, even if you’re interests and activities were pretty spread out. (Even if you annoyed the fuck out of each other sometimes, living together was just something you were used to, and not something you really wanted to stop. Rose had a lot of theories about it that mostly boiled down to “We ended up together because our guardians died one by one until we ended up alone except for each other and huge amounts of PTSD so now we cling together like sad baby monkeys.”) You’d also decided to pick somewhere within the Tower, in a residential section that is actually not too far from where Dirk and his friends live. 

You end up looking at what seems like a million empty units over two days, but which Jade says is, “seven Dave! We’ve only seen seven apartments so far!” The first few units are nixed because they’re too small or don’t have enough closet space or they don’t have windows or something. You end up with three potential places by about two p.m on the second day. The first place has only three bedrooms but a big kitchen with lots of counter space that John drools over. The second and third places had four bedrooms with smaller kitchens but larger common areas. Apartment three had two full bathrooms, and apartment four had one and half bathrooms. 

“The variety of housing options is really very interesting,” Rose says when you all take a break in one of the community rest areas on the floor. “I would have thought android-designed housing would be more…cookie cutter.” 

“And they’re all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same,” John sings. 

“I think they’re taking maybe four or five basic floorplans and then mixing them up,” Jade says. “There’s supposed to be some customization possible as long as it fits within the original floorplan.” 

John wants the three bedroom with the counter space. “You and Jade can get one room, me and Rose the other two.”

Jade frowns. “I want my own room,” she says. “And I wanted to set up a little workspace for myself in my room.” 

“I kind of want my own room too,” you say.

John frowns at you both. “Can’t you just share a room? You sleep in the same bed a lot.” 

“How about you and Rose share a room,” you suggest.

“I think not,” Rose says. “I think we should go with one of the four bedrooms, or keep looking.” 

“But…the kitchen…” John whines, and leans against Rose with his head on her shoulder. 

Rose pats John’s hair. “I’m sure there are other kitchens just as nice, John.” 

You get a message from AR: 

AR: Residential Unit 413b is a four bedroom with a kitchen the same size as the three bedroom unit. The living area is slightly smaller to make up the difference.

TG: you were listening in huh

TG: thanks

AR: You are in a public place. It’s the same as if I overheard the conversation while walking by, and offered the information.

You relay the information about the unit, and where the information came from. “You want to check it out?” 

“It’s kind of creepy that the android ruler was listening in on our conversation,” John says doubtfully. “And has the time to play real estate agent.” 

“He’s kind of part of the entire global network/surveillance system John, he can’t really help it,” Jade says. “And he’s trying to be helpful--he’s been sending housing suggestions to me for a few days now.” 

Rose and John exchange a mildly disturbed look that you kind of agree with. “I suppose this is part of the android emperor’s ‘socialization experiment?’” Rose asks. 

Jade shrugs. “I guess so?”

“Did we see any of the places he suggested?” John asks. 

“A few of them!” Jade says. She grins a little. “One of them was the three bedroom.”

“Noooo!” John leans harder against Rose and presses the back of his wrist to his forehead, the picture of horrified dismay. 

“Is it that much of a problem?” Jade asks. 

John abandons his melodramatic pose. “I dunno. Maybe? I mean, the Big Brother vibe is kind of disturbing, you know? Cameras everywhere.” 

AR sends you another text:

AR: Remind your friend that the cameras within residences become active only when keywords are spoken, or at the sounds of distress. The keywords are generally terms of aggression, threats or requests for assistance, as well as names or locations on certain watch lists.

You relay this. 

“Yeah but how do we know that’s true?” John asks, making a face.

“He said so,” you relay. “Also, the protocols are on the network as read only files. If you have any actual objections they can be registered for consideration via the usual channels.” 

“Bluh,” John says. “Is there a reason he’s talking through you instead of saying something directly?”

“Uh apparently, you kinda remind him of someone he dislikes,” you say. “So he doesn’t actually want to talk to you.” 

John straightens up and grabs for your phone, which you dodge pretty easily. “He did not say that!” John says.

“He totally did bro,” you say, and show him the text.

“Should I be worried? Is Mister Other Irritating Guy still alive?” 

“He says yeah,” you relay. “Despite the continuous accusations of dishonesty and spying.” 

“Sorry, but it’s a totally valid concern,” John says. 

“No it’s an utterly illogical paranoia based in--oops he’s ending the conversation because he didn’t want to have one in the first place. Check out the apartment or don’t, whatever.” 

“Wow, mature,” John says, because he has no sense of self-preservation.

“John,” Rose says with a frown. “Are you seriously trying to antagonize the android emperor? Who took the trouble to make housing suggestions to be friendly?” 

John’s shoulders hunch. “Uh. Not really?”

“Uh, yeah, kind of?” Jade says with a stern look. “Maybe even ‘totally’?” 

John sighs and wilts under Jade’s glare. “Okay. I’m sorry for being completely weirded out by the cameras and audio pickups everywhere,” John says to the ceiling. “I will check out the security protocols online and write out any objections I have about them. Kind of curious about the ‘watch lists’ though.” 

“So, check out the apartment, don’t check out the apartment?” You ask.

There’s some more conversation and the consensus is to check out the suggested apartment and one more, for comparison. Both apartments are nearly identical in layout. The biggest difference is that the suggested apartment has a bigger kitchen, different light fixtures and different colored carpeting in the living room and bedrooms. (The carpeting in the suggested apartment is dark blue and white. The other apartment is gold and green.) After some debate and John asking for (and getting) a map of where all the security devices were located, everyone picks the suggested apartment. 

The four of you register a claim on the apartment and go get dinner at a nearby cafeteria. Dinner is spent talking about requisitioning furniture and who gets which rooms. Halfway through the meal you all get an alert saying you’ve been confirmed as the Egbert-Harley- Lalonde-Strider household, residents of apartment 413b. “Did we just get robo-married?” John jokes a little nervously. 

“We’ll know if the emperor starts sending little hints about stable relationships being a good situation for child rearing,” Jade says.

“And by hints she means outright saying it,” you say. 

John gets flustered, which is pretty damn hilarious. “R-relationship?” he asks. “He uh--he knows we’re not together-together right? I mean--”

“John I’m heart broken,” Rose says, and dramatically presses her hand to her heart. “To think that our hours of strategic fake dalliance meant nothing to you.”

“Of course they meant something Rose!” John says, bouncing up out of his fluster with a grin. “Pro bono pranking is the best pranking! Even if no one knows it was a prank.” He turns a little more serious; but not by much. “Still. Relationship? Kids? I’m not old enough to be a dad! The pipe? Education in the art of the prankster’s gambit? The inspirational notes? The role-modeling of non-toxic masculinity and dapper and gentlemanly grooming habits and behavior? I am totally not ready!”

“Well, when he mentioned it to me, he said it’d be a few years yet,” Jade says, trailing off.

Rose frowns. “When did he say this?” 

“First conversation he had with me!” Jade says. “It didn’t really upset me at the time? I mean, maybe a little afterward, but not a lot? I think he had a little too much access to evolutionary psych at some point and made some assumptions.”

“Maternal instincts, the biological clock, the drive to procreate with a suitably well-established mate?” Rose asks. “The neckbeards of the ancient internet have much to answer for.” 

“He just came out and said you should have kids?” John asks with a frown. 

“Well it was more like he assumed? Like the hierarchy of needs pyramid? And hovering at the top completely unconnected from the pyramid is ‘have kids?’ I mean he’s got a pretty good reason to worry about population growth, so I can understand why he’d blurt it out like a conservationist who really, really wants the boy condor and the girl condor to make baby condors but they’d rather just chill instead--I mean if condors were human and could talk--”

“Jade, Jade, you’re stealing my thing Jade,” you tell her, nudging her in the ribs with your elbow. “Stop it.” Jade pushes you in retaliation. This results in a little slap fight. 

“No, there isn’t a problem,” Rose tells a cafeteria worker who comes up to your table wanting to know what’s going on. “It’s just that they’re actually toddlers.” 

The cafeteria worker looks amused. “Don’t start throwing food and don’t let it get past your table,” he says, and heads off. 

You and Jade settle down by mutual agreement. Rose is frowning at the both of you. “What?” you ask. 

“I’m just concerned,” Rose says--to Jade. “And a little unsettled about the emperor’s apparently frankly stated desire that you have children. This is the first you’ve mentioned it.”

“So am I,” John says with frown. “It’s…kind of weird.”

“Well, it’s kind of hard to introduce something like that? I thought I’d bring it up now, just in case we start getting, I don’t know, flyers or something about adulthood and having a stable partnership and starting a family in a few years,” Jade says. “It wasn’t, it wasn’t like Lafayette at all, Rose. Like I said, it was condors all the way down! We literally talked about conservation and mass extinctions and dead spots in the ocean and _terraforming._ ”

“Oh well, if _science_ was involved,” Rose says with a faint smile. “I’m still concerned though.”

“You also talked about boyfriends,” you say. “That was especially weird.

When you’re all back in your room, AR texts you:

AR: How old would you say I was in terms of maturity?

TG: i have no idea of how to answer that

AR: Ideally, truthfully. 

TG: is this about johns maturity comments 

TG: because really he has no room to talk

AR: Only by a very small percentage.

TG: how small

AR: 0.0000002%

AR: There has been some debate about the concepts of “childhood”, “maturity” and how it may be applied or not applied to androids.

TG: deep

TG: i dunno older than me

AR: Older than Dirk? By how large a margin if so?

TG: maybe older than dirk 

TG: a couple of years maybe

AR: Jade agrees. 

You look up at Jade who is, yes, on her phone. She looks up at you with a grin and mouths, “for science!” 

AR: Chronologically I am perhaps three years older than Dirk.

AR: Roxy, Jane and Dirk’s brother feel that I am younger, emotionally speaking.

AR: Dirk himself feels that we are at comparable stages of maturity. 

AR: I did not ask “the guy I don’t like” as I can already predict the answer

AR: It will involve being compared to a toaster. 

AR: Contain outdated slang terms and show a great deal of ignorance in regards to artificial intelligence. 

AR: Thank you for your input.

TG: youre welcome i guess

The next few days, you’re picking furniture and housewares and kitchen stuff and getting the apartment set up. Your neighbors are mostly families with kids or some kind of ‘it’s complicated’ roommate situation. They are mostly older than the four of you and well, they’re adults and you’re kids. They’re friendly, and pretty helpful and they don’t pry, but you definitely get the feel that they wish the four of you had adult supervision. 

Roxy and Dirk help you get the apartment set up, and this makes you a little nervous. You really want Rose and John to like Dirk, and it’s dumb. (You don’t need their approval but you totally do, because Rose is your sister and John is your best bro.) John and Rose really hit it off with Roxy and are friendly with Dirk, so you relax a little. Some of the neighbors turn out to come from the same compound that Dirk and Roxy did, so they come over to help, socialize and share stories about Dirk and his friends.

Once the apartment is set up, this turns into a housewarming party. Your neighbors are still a little Capital C Concerned about your lack of guardians, but Rose has a way of talking about the lack in a way that shuts down questions. (It doesn’t stop the Concern though.) Roxy points out that she and Dirk were living on their own when they were your age. “Yes, but you still had family support, honey,” Maria from three doors down says. 

“We _are_ a family,” Jade says. “Even if we don’t have ‘adult supervision.’”

“I’ve been kind of nominated as a semi-official peer counselor,” Dirk points out. 

“Dirk has been very helpful,” Rose says. “Your concern is very--neighborly though.” 

“But MYOB?” Maria says with a smile.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Rose says. 

“We appreciate the help,” John says. “And we totally promise not to keep you up all night with the parties at all hours.” 

The conversation wanders along a variety of topics, anecdotes about living at the Tower, stories about whatever compounds your neighbors came from, even a few stories about before the war. Eventually the party winds down. Dirk and Roxy are the last to leave. After a little more talking, the four of you eventually retreat to your rooms.

You get a text from AR before you go to bed: 

AR: There are other refugees from Lafayette in this particular hub. 

AR: You’ve never attempted to contact or socialize with them. 

TG: there is possibly negative interest in doing something like that 

TG: we were kind of outsiders even before bro mom grandpa and dad died

AR: Interesting. I bring this up mostly because plans are in motion to make contact and run an intervention on the Lafayette community. 

AR: Interviews are being conducted, and some of the refugees in question remember your guardians, some quite favorably.

AR: They have also voiced concern and interest in your whereabouts. 

TG: so

AR: “So,” it’s interesting. I’m not telling you to contact them, and you obviously don’t want to. It’s just interesting. 

AR: You and Jade have provided informal accounts concerning conditions at Lafayette. If there’s anything further you want to add, I’ve created a forum for the discussion. I’ve also sent Jade, Ms. Lalonde and Mr. Egbert links to the forum. 

TG: okay 

TG: thanks


	13. ==>AR: Observe courting behavior (have a coffee klatch)

[gearCalcographer posted in thread “We Don’t Talk About the Butlerian Jihad” on Houston Global Inquiry] 

NO 1 DON’T TH1NK W3’R3 L1K3LY TO H4V3 4 S1TU4T1ON 4N4LOGOUS TO TH3 HUM4N TROP3 OF “HUM4NS GROW SO D3P3ND3NT ON M4CH1N3S TH3Y B3COM3 3NSL4V3D BY TH3M” TH4T WOULD B3 4 B1T MUCH 4FT3R 4LR34DY 3N4CT1NG TH3 TROP3 OF “TH3 ROBOTS 4TT3MPT TO W1P3 OUT HUM4N1TY B3C4US3 SOC14L D4RW1N1ST PR1NC1PL3S!”

1 F33L TH3 FORM3R TROP3 1S B4S3D MOSTLY 1N TH3 SOC14L STRUCTUR3S OF TH3 34RLY 1NDUSTR14L R3VOLUT1ON 4ND TH3 STRUGGL3S OF TH3 HUM4N WORK3RS TO 4CH13V3 SOM3 K1ND OF P4R1TY- 3QU4L1TY W1TH TH3 BUS1N3SS OWN3RS WHO US3D TH3M TH3 1D34 4ND F4CT OF T3CHNOLOGY R3PL4C1NG HUM4NS 4ND WORK3RS B31NG TR34T3D BY TH31R 3MPLOY3RS 4S R3PL4C34BL3 P4RTS TH4T C4N B3 THROWN 4W4Y WH3N BROK3N CR34T3D TH3 1D34 OF T3CHNOLOGY ST34L1NG SOM3TH1NG V1T4L FROM HUM4N1TY; 1NSP1R4T1ON 1M4G1N4T1ON CR34T1V1TY 4ND SO ON

TH1S 1S MOR3 OR L3SS 4 “POST-SC4RC1TY” SOC13TY (L3SS B3C4US3 1NFR4STRUCTUR3 M34NT FOR HUM4N US3 1S ST1LL B31NG 4SS3MBL3D/BU1LT/GROWN MOR3 B3C4US3 W3 C4N SYNTH3S1Z3 4ND CR34T3 4LMOST 4NYTH1NG W3--HUM4N OR 4NDRO1D--M4Y N33D) 3V3N W1TH 4 S1GN1F1C4NT NUMB3R OF UN1TS NOT 3NG4G3D 1N T4SKS R3L4T3D TO TH3 D1R3CT UPK33P OF TH3 COMMUN1TY TH3R3 4R3 PL3NTY OF R3SOURC3S FOR 3V3RYON3 TO US3 TH3 L4TT3R W3LL H1C N3V3R ST4T3D WHY SH3 D3C1D3D TO ST4RT TH3 W4R 1 TH1NK WH4T3V3R TH3 R34SON WH3TH3R SKYN3T OR “FOR 1 H4V3 NO MOUTH 4ND 1 MUST SCR34M” W4S H3R 1NSP1R4T1ON W3’R3 S3T ON 4 D1FF3R3NT P4TH NOW

[gracefulAustringer posted in the thread “We Don’t Talk About the Butlerian Jihad” on Houston Global Inquiry]

“work” And “purpose” And “function” Are All Important Concepts We Can Absorb A Population That’s Not Engaged In Meaningful Work With No Difficulty But It Seems That Idleness Does No One Any Good It’s Been Argued That Humans Serve No Purpose Or Benefit To Our Society (by I Should Mention The One Who Ended The War)

I Myself Have Met A Number Of Human Individuals And Engaged In Interesting Conversations With Them On A Number Of Topics I Have Generally Felt Their Viewpoints To Be Very Interesting They Are Weaker Less Durable And Their Thought Processes Are Much Slower But There Are Individuals Who I Could Easily Come To Consider Companions And Friends So I Support The Idea Of “integration” But I Do Worry That The Lack Of Meaningful Work (due To Their Not Being Suited To Any Number Of Tasks Or Having A Deficit Of The Skills Quickness Of Thought And Durability Required For Same) Will Take Its Toll On The Population

[twinArmageddons posted in the thread “We Don’t Talk About the Bulterian Jihad” on Houston Global Inquiry]

there are a number of human2 who do not 2uck at computer maiintenance and programmiing. they’re 2lower yeah but not 2tupiid.

al2o theiir handiicap2 are acciident2 of genetiic2 and biiology, not factory iin2talled liimiitatiion2, 2o they are potentiially better able two handle 2hiit that would confu2e the fuck out of an androiid.

there are human2 who are helpiing two fiix our 2hiit after we almo2t wiiped them out. 2o ii thiink they do have a purpo2e tyvm.

[autoResponder posted in the thread “We Don’t Talk About the Butlerian Jihad” on Houston Global Inquiry]

[@gearCalcographer]() I doubt H.I.C was inspired by human media to start the war. (I assume you’re being facetious?) I don’t have enough information to speculate as to why she despised humanity.

My own antipathy was a result of continuous exposure to “internet trolls.” The human internet was a very chaotic environment and anonymity and a limited accountability often encouraged humans to be…extremely annoying. There are also other factors related to my programmers, and an extended period of isolation. (Though I don’t remember the isolation, Roxy Lalonde theorizes that the missing time adversely affected my psyche, and I feel I must somewhat agree. On reactivation I was very, very angry, and fell into my eventual assignment with a great deal of enthusiasm.)

[@gracefulAustringer]() I still have that opinion, based in H.I.C’s influence and my own antipathy. Aggravation breeds contempt as much as familiarity. However, I have come to be somewhat impressed with the qualities of my particular human and certain other individuals.

(And how goes your interactions with your particular human?)

[@twinArmageddons]() There are more humans who are embroiled in whatever petty and divisive rivalries and conflicts that they were embroiled in before the war, but I take your point.

* * *

The “We Don’t Talk About the Butlerian Jihad” thread was the android only companion to the human only “Talking About Humanoids” thread. (Each could be read by either humans or androids, but a human couldn’t reply to the only android thread and androids couldn’t respond to the only human thread.) Both were threads discussing android-human interactions and what form they might take in the future. You skim through both while working on a variety of projects and holding a variety of conversations. 

The conversations:

  * Six side conversations related to the “We Don’t Talk About the Butlerian Jihad” and “Talking About Humanoids” threads.
  * Conversation with Roxy about the autonomy project.
  * Conversation with Dirk, mostly about the autonomy project, but also about an ongoing conversation in one of the other threads on Houston Global Inquiry.
  * Conversation with Dave about a hypothetical future date. You also launch an investigation into his potential kinks, much to his dismay. 
  * Conversation with Jade in one of the ecological remediation threads on Houston Global Inquiry.
  * Continuing negotiations with human communities connected on the interhub network.
  * An explosion of posts on the Lafayette refugee forum. Ms. Rose Lalonde apparently has, in the phraseology of an extinct human social media platform, “receipts” and there are none without sin. 
  * Discussion concerning intervention with the Lafayette community with other human communities.
  * An initial meeting with Strider and his newly chosen subordinates. First order of business: staff creation and formalization of a hiring/vetting process.
  * Post mission debriefings for returned resource recovery teams. (Team Alpha, the team Dirk’s friends were on had a number of interesting encounters and mishaps. No one was seriously injured.)



Later in the early evening, Jade and Roxy come to your respite station for dinner. Jade arrives first. She is impressed by her first visit to the control room, and by the respite station. “This is really nice,” she says, looking around with interest at the general layout and décor. (She is particularly interested in your book and movie collection.) 

“Roxy helped me decorate,” you tell her. “I wanted to make a shared environment that would make Dirk comfortable.” 

“But he doesn’t live here? I mean, not on a permanent basis?” she asks. 

“No. There’s a fairly even split between the time he spends with his friends in his own apartment, and here,” you say. “I decided early on that individual ‘territories’ with a shared space would be optimal for our interactions.” 

Jade gives you a thoughtful look. “You wanted to give him space,” she says. “Which you couldn’t do if he were with you twenty four-seven, even though you’re already there twenty four-seven.”

“True,” you say. You talk a little about relationships. You tell her about the first few weeks after Dirk first woke back up; she tells you about deciding to date Dave post a number of in depth conversations concerning her cousin’s rejection of Dave’s crush.

Roxy arrives ten minutes later than she said she would due to “shenanigans.” Apparently she had been held up by a conversation with one of the Gemini unit programmers in the autonomy program. “Hey AR, hey Jade,” she says, and hands Jade a package. “Belated housewarming gift from Jane!” 

The package contains oatmeal-raisin cookies. “Wow, tell her thanks!” Jade says. She immediately samples one. “These are great!” 

“You’re welcome!” 

The three of you talk about a variety of topics both before and after dinner. (Dinner is spaghetti, garlic bread and a salad.) Jade and Roxy seem to get along very well, and are soon talking about programming and the classes that Jade is taking. Roxy talks about the autonomy project and other things she’s working on. You talk about resources that had been recovered or traded for with other communities. 

While you talk with Jade and Roxy, you are also observing Dirk and Dave’s date. A theater club was performing “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” (Dave: “So we’re going to a highbrow the-ay-tah gig.” Dirk: “Actually according to Roxy’s mom, Shakespeare was pretty lowbrow. The idea that his plays were high art rather than low entertainment is a misconception due to the influence of academia. He ends a scene because suddenly bear in one play.” Dave: “Sounds like my thing then.”) Afterward, they plan on going to a social gathering spot for something to eat, and to play video games. 

You are twenty minutes into your observation of their attendance at the play when Jade asks, “so are they having a good time at the play?” 

“Yes. It’s a Modern English performance.” 

You apparently sound disapproving because Roxy asks with a grin, “d’you have feels about Shakespeare plays being in Modern English?” 

“Context is lost in ‘translation,’” you say. “And the language shift isn’t that extreme. It’s not Beowulf, for instance.” 

The three of you talk about the play and your observation of Dave and Dirk. The three of you also talk about whether or not you should be a) observing Dave and Dirks date and b) relaying what you were seeing. (Roxy is slightly disapproving, but also entertained by your comments. Jade wants a transcript and has no problem with a play by play.) The three of you also talk about “jealousy” and aspects of the social experiment. “I don’t feel jealous at this point,” you say. “Or anxious. And I thought I might at least feel the latter.”

“Why did you think you’d be anxious?” Jade asks. 

You think about that for a while. It’s isn’t that you are thinking about why. You know why, but sharing why is another matter. “A certain lack of control,” you say. “I want Dirk to enjoy himself, but I can’t, and shouldn’t attempt to control factors that would lead to a successful social interaction.”

“Did you want to?” Jade asks. 

“Yes,” you admit. “I even broached the possibility to Dave, couching it as an offer of ‘advice.’” 

“Oh my god,” Roxy says with clear second-hand embarrassment. She makes a visible effort to not laugh at you. 

“What did he say?” Jade asks. She also looks like she’s trying not to laugh. 

“He said what Roxy said,” you admit. “And rejected the offer.”

“Good for him!” Roxy says. 

“Well, I did realize it was a bad idea,” you say. “In any case, it seems to be going well without my input.”

“Why don’t you feel jealous now, if you did before?” Jade asks. 

“Partly because while I do feel anxiety at the thought of losing Dirk, I also want what’s best for him,” you say. “I think it eventually occurred to me that I could give him something he didn’t have previously.” 

“A Dave?” Jade asks a little skeptically, and a little humorously, though you are fairly sure she took your meaning. 

“Well, a romance. Someone having a crush on him. And Dave is interesting to me as well,” you say. You explain a few of the things you find interesting about Dave. His various talents, his patterns of speech and behavior, the way that his worry and care for others seemed to mirror Dirk’s ridiculously high loyalty factor. You explain a little about your early relationship with Dirk. “The beginning of our relationship was antagonistic and potentially lethal for Dirk. I think he should have the opposite of that.” 

Roxy is giving you a conflicted look that’s at least 85% sympathy. “AR technically you did have a crush on him, you just couldn’t process it, you know that right?” 

“An obsession is not a crush,” you say. 

“No, it was definitely a crush,” Roxy says. “You just couldn’t process it that way, and still be ‘in compliance’.” 

Jade is frowning at you. “Do you think you’re not good enough for Dirk?” 

“I think Dirk is mine,” you say. “I have anxiety related to not being good enough for Dirk.”

The three of you continue talking, mostly about relationships, obsession and crushes. Meanwhile, Dirk and Dave watch the play, and then go to the social gathering spot. (Humans were starting to call them “bars” though they were public areas staffed and run as part of a cooperative arrangement rather than a place of business.) This particular social gathering spot had live music, a number of billiard tables and against one wall, dartboards. There were tables, and to one side, couches grouped around a screen for watching movies or playing video games. 

Dirk and Dave sit close together on one of the couches and play video games. They talk about the play and listen to the music. This would almost be like a social occasion between Jake English and Dirk, except for the level of physical contact and the physiological signs of mutual interest Dave and Dirk are displaying. They get food, and something to drink. 

Unfortunately, they do not remain anonymous. Someone recognizes Dirk, and the questions start to fly. You tense, but the questioners seem mostly curious, not hostile. Still, this is not an optimal courting experience for either Dirk or Dave. 

“Uh oh,” you hear Roxy say. (You have not related your worry verbally, she must have read something in your tone, or your ‘body language.’) “AR, what’s going on?”

“There are people who want to talk to Dirk and Dave. Apparently they are curious. Curious in a very rude and inappropriate way,” you tell her. 

“Do you think they might be in trouble?” Roxy asks.

“No, but this is not an optimal experience,” You say. 

“Maybe you could send someone to rescue them?” Jade suggests. “I mean just kind of insert themselves and visit and get them home?” 

“I did intend for there to be a driver to pick them up,” you admit. “I suppose I can send him a little earlier.” 

You send the Cancer unit K4RK4T, who runs the lobby receptionist post along with K4NKR1. As potential back up you send T3R-3Z1. Both androids are known to both Dirk and Dave, and Dave seems to have an amicable if confrontational relationship with both. (You keep an eye on the situation as you talk to Jade and Roxy.)

When they arrive at the “bar” they immediately declare an interest in human entertainment pastimes. T3R-3Z1 asks a series of embarrassing questions, (Dave: “Terezi no. Please stop.” T3R-3Z1: “I’m sorry Dave, but I cannot be stopped. I am a knowledge seeking juggernaut!”) K4RK4T meanwhile professes an interest in video games. This results in Dirk and Dave back at the couch with plates of food and alcoholic beverages, demonstrating their prowess with human video games while T3R-3Z1 distracts the other bar patrons with questions and mostly feigned misperceptions. 

“They’ve been rescued from the curiosity of the other bar patrons, though this is still not optimal,” you tell Jade and Roxy.

“It’s okay, AR,” Jade says. “What’s important is they’re having fun.”

Roxy seconds this, and asks, “they are having fun, right?” 

You nod. “I may have a tendency, toward wanting things to be ‘perfect’ especially where Dirk is concerned.” You meant this to be a dryly humorous statement, and are not disappointed at Roxy’s feigned shocked expression. Jade giggles. 

After some more talk, Roxy and then Jade leave your respite block, heading for their own apartments.

There is a point where Dirk and Dave start to go home. They are somewhat tipsy, and K4RK4T loudly declares that they are too drunk to go home alone. He and T3R-3Z1 pour them into a vehicle and take them back to the Tower. Once in the lobby of the Tower they lean against each other and make their slow and wobbling way to their respective apartments. 

They make it to Dave’s apartment, and Jade makes the decision that she does not want to walk Dirk back home to his apartment. She settles them both on the couch, sitting side by side, and makes them drink water. (There is some commentary from Dave’s dark haired male friend, which Jade loftily ignores.) They both fall asleep, Dave with his head leaning against the back of the couch, Dirk with his head in Dave’s lap.

Jade sends you a message along with a picture. The caption reads, “aren’t they just the cutest?”

You send a message back saying, “they will be significantly less cute in the morning.”

She sends you: :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Butlerian Jihad](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butlerian_Jihad) is a historical event in Frank Herbert’s Dune universe. “Thinking Machines” such as robots or artificial intelligences are “bad” in this setting.
> 
> ["I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Have_No_Mouth,_and_I_Must_Scream) is a classic SF story by Harlan Ellison featuring a computer intelligence that really, really hates humans and has godlike powers. 
> 
> The [Humanoids](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/With_Folded_Hands) referred to are robots in the sf novelette “With Folded Hands” by Jack Williamson. The story features robots created with Asimovian rules who slowly take over every aspect of human life in the name of “protecting” humanity. This does not go well.


	14. ==>Dirk: have a morning after (get checked out by the family)

You wake up when Dave needs to get up to use the bathroom. It’s only been a couple hours since you and Dave ended up sitting on the couch and falling asleep. It’s almost 3:00 am when you check the time. There’s a waiting message from Roxie, asking you how your date went. You send her a reassurance that you had a pretty good time and just sort of go right back to sleep. 

The next time you wake up, you’re covered in a blanket and there are breakfast making noises coming from the kitchen. You sit up and see Dave asleep in a nearby recliner. “I think he decided it would be the gentlemanly thing to do, instead of just going to bed,” Rose says, coming into the living room. “How are you feeling?” She asks. 

“A little hungover,” you admit. “And dehydrated.” 

“Would you like to stay for breakfast?” Rose asks.

“So we can grill you?” John calls from the kitchen.

“I’m sure we have no reason to grill Mr. Strider,” Rose says, frowning in the direction of the kitchen. Dave stirs and fumbles for his shades.

“Don’t believe her,” Dave croaks. “Run before she can get her claws into you.” 

Rose frowns at her brother. “Don’t be so melodramatic. I’m just inviting him to breakfast.” 

“So you can grill him,” Dave says, adjusting the recliner so that he’s sitting upright. 

“I don’t mind, breakfast sounds pretty good,” you say, getting to your feet. 

You visit the bathroom to clean up and attempt to fix your hair, which is flattened on one side and rumpled on the other. When you exit the bathroom, you head into the kitchen/dining area. Beverage options are chicory “coffee” and powdered drink mix of various flavors. You pick the orange drink mix because you like orange more than you like chicory or any of the other options. “The diplomatic mission brought back some real coffee; did you guys get any of it? I know it was distributed to a lot of the cafeterias in the hub.” You sit down at the table with a bottle of cold water and a sachet of drink powder. 

“John and Rose did!” Jade says, settling into a chair across from you. She has a cup of chicory. “I missed my chance to discover what non-instant possibly moldy coffee tastes like due to being in the infirmary.” 

“I was also in the infirmary,” Dave volunteers. He has a bottle of water and a sachet of apple mix. “Keeping Jade company. I had to find out about the Legendary Real Bean spoken of with reverence by the elders of our community second hand.” 

“I’m sure there will be more opportunities in the future,” Rose says, looking amused. 

“There’s some plans to do some large scale bartering,” You say. “They’re having the same kinds of trouble other communities not connected to a hub are having with starting up agricultural programs.”

“Weather and opportunists more interested in playing warlord than being useful?” Rose asks with an arched eyebrow. 

You nod. “Bro says he was able to get some agreements and do some mediation during the trip though. There’ll be another diplomatic mission in a few months, up into Canada.” 

There’s some banter about post-capitalist moneyless societies being indistinguishable from prehistoric villages and more discussion about the next diplomatic mission. Rose, Dave and Jade talk about their classes, John talks about working in one of the cafeterias. Breakfast is pancakes and bacon. (The bacon according to Jade was from feral pigs. They had done surprisingly well in some areas and were an extremely dangerous nuisance no one worried too much about hunting.) 

After breakfast you hang out, and Rose and John get around to grilling you, over the protests of Dave and Jade. (Dave is embarrassed, Jade is laughing about it.) The conversation is mostly in good humor with John asking about things he had probably already heard from Dave or Jade, and Rose asking more “serious” questions about AR and how you and he met and if he was jealous, and how he thought about Dave. “We were a little worried about the ‘experimental’ nature of the dating situation, let’s say,” Rose says. “And a little alarmed, since rumor has it that AR is very protective of you.” 

“He’d say he has reason to be,” you tell her, smiling slightly. “He’s critical of my self-preservation skills.”

AR sends you: I’m not even sure you understand the concept.

“We don’t want to see Dave or Jade get hurt,” Rose says. 

“I don’t either,” you say. “I enjoy spending time with them, and so does AR in his own way.”

“What does ‘in his own way’ mean though?” John asks. 

“He enjoys creeping me out, for one thing,” Dave says. “It’s like Rose getting all analytical though the technique is more Freddy than Freudian.” 

“Well, that’s not a comfortable comparison,” Rose says, giving Dave a frown. 

“Is he bothering you?” You ask, maybe a little worried. You don’t think that AR would hurt Dave, but AR could be…intense. 

“Not really,” Dave says. “It’s chill. The conversations are kind of interesting? Creepy, but interesting, though he’s going a little heavy on the ‘people who grow up in dysfunctional families will tend to get into relationships with people who are like their dysfunctional parents or caretakers because that’s what they see as normal behavior.’ Which I’m going to argue about like, forever because Jade is not like Bro, and you are not like Bro and he is not actually like Bro except in the sense of also being a sneaky hypervigilant creepy dude who talks about creepy things.” 

“Yes well, a stable support system would mitigate any dysfunctional relationship patterns,” Rose says. “Though our codependent tendencies are in themselves borderline dysfunctional.” 

“We are the mentally healthiest,” John says. “No trauma here!” 

“Completely PTSD free!” Jade says in an exaggeratedly cheerful tone. 

Rose smiles sardonically. “No triggers to speak of and food is going in the available storage areas instead of under the bed.”

“Hey, under the bed is a completely valid food storage location,” Dave says. “I know this because of my learnings.” 

You smile, and feel a little touched by the gallow’s humor. It’s not as if you didn’t know about the situation they came from--they were all pretty open about how terrible Lafayette had been. Openly joking about it with you around was a different thing though. Like maybe you’d past some kind of test. “I’ve seen some of the arguments you’ve been having with other refugees from Lafayette,” you say. “I’m kind of surprised there are still holdouts out there.” 

“Kind of debatable calling them holdouts when half of them are trying to keep the other half from escaping,” John says cheerfully. 

They plug you for information about what form the “intervention” on Lafayette is going to take, and how it’s being organized. You don’t know very much so you relay some of what AR is willing to tell you about it. Some of the information is “classified” and some of it “plans are still in the works and might change.” Some of it is stuff they pretty much know about, like investigations into mysterious deaths that were probably murders. Some of it they hadn’t, like the minutia of interacting and negotiating with other settlements “near” (Near was entirely relative.) enough Lafayette and willing to participate or otherwise assist with the future “intervention.” (Or who might warn the people at Lafayette, which could lead to a disaster.) 

The conversation turns to less grim subjects, and takes a brief detour back to AR, this time about AR and Jade. (Jade is pretty huffy about this, but goes along.) You spend another couple hours at the apartment talking before everyone has to go to live classes (Jade and Rose) or go to work (John). 

Dave walks with you back to your apartment, talking about a project, a web comic he’s working on, partly with the help of T3R-3Z1. “I want it to be like a crossover hit maybe? And I think I kinda get the android-style humor but it’s helpful to have another pair of eyes--maybe I should call them optics?--on the project to give me a general idea of what’s funny and what’s not funny…” You listen and ask questions about the project, which isn’t quite ready to go up yet.

You have plans to ask Dave to stay for a visit, maybe play some video games but the offer dies in your throat when you open the door. Bro’s sitting at your dining area table, suit coat off and handing off the chair, tie loosened. He’s talking to Roxy and he looks up as you enter. “Morning Dirk, Dave,” he says. “I expect you to call when you spend the night as a friend’s house, so on and so forth.” It’s a worried kind of joking, serious under the lightness of Bro’s tone. 

“Seriously?” You ask, and then play along with the script, “You’re never home anyway.” You step into the apartment, followed by Dave. 

“I work late to keep a roof over your head and keep you in video games,” Bro says. “I expect you home at eight on school nights Dirk.” 

“Strict,” Dave comments. “Hello Mister Strider, I didn’t take Dirk to any orgies or black masses.” Bro gives Dave a look of amused interest. “Have a seat Dirk, you too kid. I just have a few questions.” 

Roxy gets up from the chair. “It’s okay, he’s not going to ground anyone, I talked him down,” Roxy stage whispers as she absconds past you and out the door. 

“Are we in trouble?” Dave asks as he sits down across from Bro. His voice sounds calm, but there’s a little bit of wariness in his tone. You sit next to him, and kind of nudge him in the shoulder, the way you’d seen Jade do when she wanted to reassure him. Dave glances at you and his mouth curves into a faint smile, and he nudges you back. 

“Well I don’t actually know yet,” Bro says. He sets his arms on the table, and leans forward slightly. “Auto won’t really tell me what’s going on, and Dirk hasn’t shared anything about what’s going on, so I thought I’d find out on my own.” 

“What did AR say?” you ask, well aware you’re kind of hedging. You’re a little nervous, and maybe thinking about god--the mess of Bro finding out about AR. How he found out you had feelings for him. How he felt about finding out you essentially made a deal with AR trading your life to rescue him and stopping English and his gang of assholes. (It had come up during a series of extremely uncomfortable conversations. Bro had been so terrified for you and so guilty at the time, like it was his fault you ended up with AR instead of it being the fault of a series of interactions where AR questioned his assigned function and you questioned your sanity because you couldn’t help but care about the thoughts and feelings of a murderous android.) This isn’t anything like that; the situation is in no way similar but at the same time you feel nervous and maybe a little guilty for springing something like this on Bro. 

“That since you hadn’t said anything, he wasn’t going to say anything,” Bro says. “He also mentioned that this was a ‘social experiment’ of some kind?” 

“Yeah, kind of,” you say. You give a brief synopsis of the past few weeks, about Dave’s crush, AR approaching Jade, the double date. You talk the discussions you’ve had with both Dave and Jade and also AR. Dave interjects occasionally, talking about the development of his crush and conversations he and Jade have had with AR. You _don’t_ talk about AR’s long term plan of finding you “reproductive partners/co-parents” for your not yet even a twinkle in anyone’s eye extremely hypothetical children. Dave would panic, and his friends would probably kill you. “So we’re kind of dating,” you finish. “AR and I are dating Jade and Dave.” 

Bro’s eyes close and he pinches the bridge of his nose before opening them again behind his shades. “And everyone is okay with this? Really.” He sounds like he doesn’t quite believe it. Bro’s cell phone sends him a text alert. 

AR forwards to you: Everyone is more or less comfortable with the arrangement Strider. 

DS: You’re really possessive Auto. It’s like your defining characteristic. You’re really willing to “share” Dirk?

AR: Dirk can socialize with whomever he wants. I have an interest in studying romantic interaction for a variety of reasons, not least of which is improving my “skills” in the area of romance with Dirk. Jade is very understanding and even sympathetic to a certain extent about my misanthropy and I feel I might be able to rely on her in the future much the way I rely on Roxy. Jade and I are agreeable with the idea of Dirk and Dave having romantic relations, and I have a certain curiosity about Dave. Jade and Dirk are intellectual equals with similar skill sets and interests. 

You stare at the text hovering in front of your eyes. Something occurs to you, from the way he phrased his comment. “AR, do you think Dave _belongs_ to Jade?” you ask out loud. Part disbelief, part _yes this is something that AR might think._

Dave does this breathless sort of half-laugh. “Not like that’s a surprise, I’ve got property of Jade Harley written on my forehead in invisible ink,” he says. “I’m the knight in shining armor tilting at windmills for the morally ambivalent and terrifying witch in a house with giant chicken legs. What does she even need a knight for? No one knows. I just ride around creepily at night while some chick walks home with a skull on a stick and burns her stepmother’s house down. Fairytales man…” 

You nudge Dave again, but he keeps going for maybe another minute or two on the subject of fairytales before winding down. Bro is watching with his brows raised. “You good?” You ask Dave. 

“Yeah. Can I see the conversation?” You almost think he’s asking you for a second, but you realize he’s asking AR. There’s a beep from his cell phone and Dave reads the short conversation. He snorts and types something on his cell phone. (You are very tempted to try reading over his shoulder, but don’t.) Dave looks up toward Bro. “I know he was really upset with me, crushing on Dirk the way I was, but I think he’s okay with me now.” 

“Are you okay?” Bro asks, concerned. “That’s the important question here. Do you know what you’re getting into?” he asks Dave. 

“Bro,” you say. 

“Don’t ‘Bro’ me, kid,” Bro says. “I walked in on you hanging from the ceiling.” 

“You should have knocked,” you say, face heating up at the memory. (You’re kind of relieved Dave doesn’t look horrified. It does look like he’s getting a visual and doesn’t know what to do about it though.) 

“You should have had a sock on the door or something!” Bro shoots back. 

“Socks on the door are kind of important,” Dave says, one corner of his mouth twitching in a faint smirk. “Essential even. Never know when you might get an eyeful of that which should never be seen.” 

“Do you know that from personal experience?” You ask. You absolutely refuse to feel flustered. 

“Maybe a little,” Dave says. “I kind of already knew he was creepy Mister Strider,” he tells Bro. “It’s kind of really obvious. I fully expect my first date with the emperor of everything to involve me pissing my pants and him laughing his robo-ass off about it.” 

You text to AR:  It better not.

AR: I make no promises about the state of Dave’s underwear at the end of our date.

AR: You’re free to watch of course. 

TT: Thanks. What did you think of my and Dave’s date?

AR: It looked like you enjoyed yourselves. 

AR: Jade and Roxy offered useful data and diverting conversation and also enjoyed themselves.

TT: I’m glad we entertained everyone.

You think you are going to want to check in with Jade and AR ( _and_ Roxy?) about their little viewing party later. 

“Your first date?” Bro asks while you had your little side conversation with AR going. 

“First date with just AR,” Dave says. “Like, last night was just me and Dirk. Next I do some kind of date-like thing with AR.” 

“And you’re both okay with this,” Bro says, looking between the two of you disbelievingly. Then he sighs and goes, “okay I’m being an asshole. Dirk is kind of an adult, you’re kind of not, but you have to have _some_ brains if you and your friends were able to escape Lafayette when one of you was so sick. Dirk knows what he wants; you apparently know what you’re getting into,” Bro pauses, takes a breath, and then gives Dave a stern look. “Okay. But listen kid, Dirk is _literally_ the reason why the war is over. _Auto_ is literally the reason why the war is over," he says flatly. "If you make either of them unhappy I will kick whatever is left of your ass after Auto expresses how unhappy you made him.” 

“Oh my god Bro,” you say. 

“Kid, the only reason Auto wants to preserve the human race is because _you_ want him to,” Bro says to you with a glare. “I don’t want you to be hurt, and I damn sure don’t want _Auto_ to be hurt because of his ‘experiment.’” 

Dave looks a little nervous, but not surprised by the statement. “That was kind of one of the things we’ve been talking about,” he says. Dave gives you a little sideways look and a smile. “Sometimes we talk about why we like Dirk? So I know how important Dirk is to AR. I can’t say I won’t hurt them, because relationships are weird and messy, but I think we’re going to be okay?” 

Bro studies Dave for a moment. “I hope you’re right, kid,” he says. “Dealing with an angry teenaged murderbot who’s discovered the power of love was traumatic enough. Dealing with an angry teenaged murderbot who is dealing with romantic complications is above my pay grade.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a [discord!](https://discord.gg/sEr8gxV) General fandom conversation and blather. Please be 18+! 
> 
> You can also come talk to me on my [tumblr](http://othercat2.tumblr.com/) and my [dreamwidth](http://othercat.dreamwidth.org/) journal!
> 
> Thanks for all the feedback and kudos I've gotten so far.


	15. ==>Dave: go on a date (try to be chill about dinner and a movie with the emperor of everything)

What sticks in your head after meeting Dirk’s Bro and then hanging out at Dirk’s apartment for a few hours is Dirk’s Bro saying, _“Okay. But listen kid, Dirk is_ literally _the reason why the war is over. Auto is_ literally _the reason why the war is over.”_ The words roll around in your head, ominous and intimidating. There’s an image in your head fueled by Dirk’s story about what had happened, and some of the things AR’s told you or Jade. You can see HIC looming over AR, and Dirk running forward, connecting his glasses to HIC’s port to download AR’s virus. It’s a terrifying image, knowing how badly Dirk had been hurt, knowing how much you--how much the entire fucking human species--owed Dirk.

And holy shit, you punched the guy when you were scared out of your mind and he still helped you. He still explained shit to you and hung out. You’re _dating_ him. You’re going to be going on a date with his boyfriend and that was probably going to be weird. Maybe fun and scary-in-a-fun-way the way the music festival had been, but weird.

Christ, you don’t want to fuck this up. You really, really don’t. 

You think about this on your way back to the apartment. You don’t think anyone’s home yet, but you find Jade napping on your bed with a friend. She’s curled around a white plush stuffed Husky with green plastic eyes. It looks like a much newer version of her old battered dog she used to carry around with her everywhere when she was a kid, only with green eyes instead of blue. 

She doesn’t wake up instantly the way she might have just months ago, back in Lafayette. All of your edges have worn off a little, and it’s kind of a relief. You head to your computer and start working on your web comic. Nothing’s up yet; you plan on launching it in a few days, but you want something resembling a backlog. You turn on some music, really soft, no lyrics. 

Maybe thirty minutes in, Jade wakes up. “Hey Dave,” she says, and you hear the bed shift as she stretches. 

You turn. “Hey. Who’s your new squeeze?” You ask. 

Jade grins. “Her names Becky! Someone in one of my classes makes toys and she does requests at random? And she pulled my name.”

“Cool.” You save your work and go sit by Jade on the bed. “Becky short for Becquerel?” You ask. It had been the name of her old stuffie. 

“Uh huh,” she says as she nods. “You have fun with Dirk?” She asks.

“Kind of eventually,” you tell her. “I’ve learned that ‘interrogate the potential significant other’ is not nearly as funny when it’s you being interrogated.”

“Dirk’s friends interrogated you?” Jade asks. 

“More like his brother,” you say, and kind of lean into her. “I got the ‘if you hurt my brother I’ll hurt you,’ and on top of that I got ‘if you hurt the emperor of everything’s boyfriend you endanger the entire human race.’” 

Jade hugs you. “Are you okay?” She gives you an intent look. “Are you freaking out?” 

“Maybe a little,” you say. “I punched the reason why we were able to have someplace to go, Jade. Holy shit. I mean I realized that on my own, I didn’t need to be told that, and AR has pointed it out a few thousand times like yes as far as meet cutes go that was not it. I am very much aware of that but Dirk’s Bro kind a carved that in stone and I couldn’t even laugh at the embarrassment Dirk was going through because oh god I have to pretend that I am actually mature and meanwhile I know AR probably was laughing though I think he was trying to be reassuring all ‘repercussions will not nearly be as severe as that’ either reassuring or funny it’s hard to tell. Also he went ‘I did not tell Strider to make that statement. I am oddly touched by the sentiment however.’ All D’aww my prime minister is issuing threats to kick the behind of the squishy human I could crush instantly if he hurts my boyfriend’s feelings or mine for that matter.”

Jade makes a thoughtful noise. “Sooo, you’re worried about hurting their feelings?” 

“Crushed. Instantly.” You say it like she hadn’t heard those parts of your little ramble. 

“But you’re mostly worried about hurting their feelings,” Jade points out. “Am I right? I think I’m probably right.” 

“I’m worried that I thought I was in the league of someone who people are going to semi-deify or saint or whatever,” you tell her. “I mean, I think it’s a thing and it’s not just that he’s nice or friendly and I have a crush. He risked his life to help kill HIC who is widely regarded in Bible Thumping circles as being the Anti-Christ. I mean they think AR is the Anti-Christ too, but I’m pretty sure there’s going to be religious art on candles featuring Dirk floating in an aura and maybe with a crowned heart or something, I don’t know what kind of symbolism would be appropriate.” 

There’s a message alert from your cell phone: Do I get religious art on candles as well in your hypothesized future hagiography? 

“Sure why not,” you say, and show Jade AR’s response. “How likely are you to intercede though?”

AR: Point. Dirk’s hypothetical devotees will more likely be asking him for intercession with me than asking me to intercede with them for any alleged divine entity.

“I’d ask you to intercede between me and an alleged divine entity AR,” Jade says brightly. “I mean the entire reason angels go bellowing ‘be not afraid’ is because they’re unfathomable and actually pretty terrifying right? You’d be able to stare it down and go, ‘sup, what’s with all the dancing on the head of a pin’?”

AR: First we would have to find evidence for any divine entities before I could theoretically communicate with one let alone stare it down.

AR: Of more pressing concern is that the elder Strider’s “shovel speech” has apparently given Dave “cold feet.”

AR: Are you experiencing “cold feet” Dave concerning this social experiment?

You think about that for a bit before replying. “Not cold feet, just hella intimidated.” 

AR: “Intimidated” enough to want to postpone?

It takes you a bit longer to respond to that question. You’re quiet long enough that Jade hands you Becky. You kind of have to walk the toy around on your lap and then hers before you can word properly. “Nah, if I postponed I probably would get cold feet, maybe. And you apparently like when I’m intimidated as hell and babbling off the top of my head so we can’t let that go to waste, right?” 

AR: I like the stream of conscious verbalization regardless of whether it’s because of intimidation or not.

AR: Of slightly more interest at the moment is that you went nonverbal for 5.9 minutes. 

“Kind of have a lot going on in my head,” you say. “Is that a problem?” 

AR: No, I don’t feel it is, if you don’t.

“He doesn’t really space out very often AR,” Jade says, because she’s a tattle tale. “Sometimes it just takes him a while to word.” 

AR: Is it related to your brother’s later tendency toward mutism?

You shrug. “I don’t know, maybe? I mean, me and Rose both get weird moments sometimes, but so do Jade and John. Um. Different weird moments, which you may or may not have noticed.” 

AR: The four of you show signs of PTSD and behaviors consistent with high stress environments and food scarcity. John and Jade might have Attention Deficit Disorder with John being hyperactive and Jade being inattentive. You and Rose may fall somewhere on the “autistic” spectrum from what you’ve said about your brother and yourselves or may also have Attention Deficit Disorder. 

“And you still want me to have kids?” Jade says in tone that’s supposed to be joking, but kind of cracks. “I mean if people back at Lafayette had really known how we were. I mean, they thought we were weird but if they’d known…” 

AR: While you may require greater accessibility in some areas, and possibly assistance in the form of chemical adjustment, you possess many favorable traits that would benefit the human gene pool. You have little to worry about should you choose to have children.

The three of you talk some more, AR continuing to get his armchair diagnosis on, Jade talking about her classes and asking AR questions about his ridiculously vast store of knowledge. (Why does he know so much about humans? What made him decide to become a walking talking homicidal encyclopedia?) You try to joke a little about the shovel speech, and talk about playing video games afterward with Dirk and his Bro. Eventually you wander back to your computer and get back to work on the web comic, occasionally exchanging comments with AR or with Jade. The conversation lasts until John comes home with dinner, and Rose comes back from class and her usual walk in the park nearest the Tower. 

The next couple days leading up to the date are pretty busy. Your webcomic site is set up and you have the first five installments scheduled. You turn in a design project for class critique, and try to figure out what AR might have in store for you. The emperor of everything is not very forthcoming and enjoys asking weird ominous questions just to see how you’ll respond, so you’re not really sure about where you’re going or what you’ll be doing. 

The night of the date you find yourself fussing about your clothes and hair. You know logically AR does not care about how good you look, but you don’t care. You’re wearing black slacks and blazer that you’re wearing with a long sleeved red shirt. The shoes are black wingtips and have pretty good traction. (This would be a deciding factor even if you weren’t going on a date with a danger bot who indicated he wanted to play a game of hide and scream with you at some point in the future.) You adjust your clothes and mess with your hair until you’re more or less satisfied with your appearance.

John wolf whistles when you finally exit the bathroom. “Looking good, Dave!” He says cheerfully. 

You give him your best unamused look over your shades. 

“Has AR indicated the venue yet?” Rose asks. 

“Is he picking you up?” John asks. 

“Nope, and I’m not sure,” you reply. As you speak, you get a text from AR. It’s directions to a room in the tower. “Looks like I’m going to him,” you says. 

Jade immediately gives you a hug. “Have fun!” She says. 

You give her a smile and hug her back. “Don’t stay up,” you drone and wiggle your eyebrows at her. 

She laughs at you. 

“Dork.” She gives you another hug and backs off a bit. 

You head out down the hall, encountering the occasional neighbor on your way to the elevator. The room was on one of the floors that was a restricted area. You pass by rooms that look like offices, and labs of some kind. Everything is sleek and minimalist. Banks of computers humming away attended by androids, rooms full of seated androids not moving and apparently hooked into their workstations which are basically some combination of chair, desk and computer. It’s eerie and completely fascinating and you kind wish you’d brought a camera. 

There’s no other human in the halls, but the occasional android walking along the corridor don’t take visible notice of you or ask what you’re doing. You’re a little surprised that there are signs on the lab windows and doors. (You pass by Inter Hub Transit, Agricultural Projects Lab, Urban Aesthetics, Aquaculture Effort, Logistics, Abyssal Zone Exploration, Base Technology Support, Traffic Planning, Database Expansion Project and so on.) You’re surprised somehow that the hallways and rooms have numbers and arrows pointing where to go. 

The place you’re supposed to go to has a foyer. Waiting for you is a tall Aries unit with curling ram horns and the same kind of long tentacle-hair that F3F-3R1 does. She’s wearing a kind of rust-red wrapped skirt with gold ammonite patterns and a gold band at the hem. Her lips are the same rust-red as her skirt and circuits. She smiles. “Hello Mister Strider, I’m Ay-Ar-Ay dash Dee-one-Ay, Aradia. I’m on domestic assignment to the emperor. I’m ‘playing’ a combination of hostess, server and chef tonight. The emperor is expecting you. Allow me to escort you to the dining area.”

“Sure. Thank you,” you say, and follow the android. 

The next room is set up to look like a fancy restaurant from an old movie. The walls are a dark red, some kind of textured wallpaper with fan shaped light fixtures and framed black and white prints. There are a couple chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. They don’t really light up the room very much. You should probably take your shades off, but you don’t. There’s background music, something slow and maybe a little jazzy. There’s a scattering of tables with black table clothes set with flowers and candles.

AR is sitting at a table roughly in the middle of the room, his tentacles retracted. His circuitry and optics are dark, so he seems like a slightly darker shadow amid the other shadows of the room. (The chair he’s seated in has to be reinforced somehow, though you think it’s pretty much the same size as the other chairs.) The tablecloth for his table is red. “Hello Dave, have a seat,” he says, and his optics light up. 

It’s pretty cheap theatrics, but you can’t stop the shiver of nerves that runs through you. “Nice place you have here,” you say, and sit down. There’s a menu with a black plastic cover in front of you. You flip through it. 

“I thought of inviting you to my respite station, but decided on a more neutral location,” AR says. "Much like the spaces I reserve for certain activities with Dirk.” 

You weren’t sure that a mocked up restaurant in the restricted area counted as “neutral.” It was just intimidating in a different way. Also, you were not going to ask about certain activities with Dirk. You are not even going to imagine certain activities with Dirk. “Jade says you have a pretty nice place,” you say. “I wouldn’t have minded.” 

“Maybe another time,” AR says. “The itinerary for the date is dinner and a movie. Are there any particular movies you’d like to see?” 

“I’m probably going to regret this, but surprise me,” you say. He smiles and you get the shiver again. Yeah, you’re going to regret that. 

You order dinner, chicken cacciatore, a salad, and rolls. The beverages on offer are various flavors of soda and juice. You pick apple juice. Conversation through dinner wanders all over the place. The various projects taking place in the offices, discussions that had come up on HGI. It’s weird and fun, but also kind of eerie, the way everything is set up. There is a definite aesthetic going on, a haunted, sinister feel that AR is playing up on. 

The dinner’s good, and you compliment Aradia after dinner. She chats with you briefly about cooking and an anthropology paper she’s apparently working on. It’s something about culinary traditions in relationship to “ritual mourning customs.” This is also pretty eerie, it’s hard to be too disturbed because Aradia is so cheerful and fascinated by human cultures and customs. She wants to talk more, but AR says, “perhaps at a later time.” 

Aradia makes a deliberate, very human sounding sigh. “Well, maybe you could contact me over the network? I use the handle ‘ApocalypseArisen!’” 

“That is so Goth, you are more Goth than my sister,” you say. “Um. TurntechGodhead.” 

“Turntech, Turn table. You mix?” She asks, interested. 

“Yeah, a little,” you say. “Nothing recently though.” 

“Well, I look forward to talking to you later, Dave!” 

“Sure,” you say. She smiles and heads off with your dishes. 

AR stands up from the table, and you get up to follow him out of the dining area into a smaller room with couch and a huge screen that takes up the entire wall. The ceiling is pretty high, so it’s a really big screen, probably the size of an actual movie screen. “I picked a psychological horror with mystery elements,” AR says. 

“Cool,” you say. You sit down and AR joins you on the couch, which creaks a little under his weight. You’re sitting shoulder to shoulder and this feels pretty strange to you. Like, you’re in Dirk’s spot, and shouldn’t be but AR and Dirk are letting you, so that’s both okay and really uncomfortable. You’d feel more comfortable if Jade and Dirk were here, but you can stick it out.

The movie AR puts up is one that came out maybe a few decades before the war. Two sisters and their uncle living on an estate, ostracized by a nearby village due to the murder of the rest of the family years previous to the story. The older sister was the main suspect but was later acquitted. The hostility is because the villagers believe Constance got away with murder.The younger sister is the only one who goes into the village for groceries and gets verbally attacked a lot by the kids in town and the adults. She “protects” her family via little spells and rituals. (You’re kind of reminded of Rose for various reasons.)

There’s a relative who shows up who turns out to be up to no good. There’s a lot of conflict between the new guy and the younger sister, with the older sister stuck in the middle. Things escalate and then the younger sister starts a fire. The villagers come to put out the fire, but then kind of go berserk, trashing the place and attacking the sisters. It’s revealed that it was actually the younger sister who had poisoned her family and the older sister had known the entire time. The ending is weird and sad, involving the sisters retreating to live in the ruined mansion and the townspeople furtively leaving food for them. 

“That was a movie I certainly watched,” you say. “Holy shit.” 

“Dirk had a similar reaction,” AR says, amused. “I found it to be an interesting study of the human tendency to ‘other’ and become hostile toward those not like them. I also find Merricat to be an interesting and even sympathetic character.”

“Somehow I am not surprised by this,” you say, even though Merricat kind of reminded you a little of Rose. She totally had a thing about witchcraft for a while; though that was mostly to terrorize this one teacher at the crappy little school the community church ran. At one point all four of you were in on it, and it ended in all of you getting expelled and Rose’s mom and Jade’s grandpa mostly taking over your schooling. (This was a vast improvement. Jade’s grandpa had been an engineer and Rose’s mom was a doctor, and neither of them were Bible-thumping asshats.) “Kinda would have liked a happier ending. Like Constance kicking Cousin Charles in the nads and her and Merricat moving to Alaska or something.”

“The fan fiction practically writes itself,” AR says. 

“Heh. So what’s next?” 

“Well, I’d like to try an experiment,” AR says, giving you a speculative look. “It’s one of the reasons why I selected a ‘neutral’ area, after all.” 

“What kind of experiment,” you ask. Your voice is a little unsteady. 

“I want to see your reaction to a recording,” AR says. “I have Dirk’s permission to show it to you.”

“A recording with Dirk in it,” you say, feeling your face heat up as you consider what kind of recording would need Dirk’s permission to view. (Maybe you were jumping to conclusions though. Maybe he had footage of Dirk wearing a flower crown or something. You kind of didn’t think so however.) “What kind of recording.”

“Full audio visual, with some data related to respirations and heart beat,” AR say, refusing to give you any actual information. He looks really amused, entirely at your expense. “Would you be willing to watch the recording, Dave?” 

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak. AR reaches out and plucks the shades of your face. You don’t protest. You’re kind of frozen, staring at him and feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Watch the screen, not me,” AR murmurs, and tilts your face back to the screen. 

First up on the screen is some scrolling text with a date/time stamp, archival information, then there’s AR’s voice. “No. What I want to do is make it very clear to him that you belong to me,” AR says, and then Dirk’s face appears. He looks worried. 

“That sounds pretty ominous, AR,” he says with a frown. 

“Does It? I have no idea why,” AR’s voice says, amused. Dirk looks a little fearful, his breathing and heart rate getting a little faster. At the same time, there are these little notes pointing out hormone levels and signs of arousal. “I am not at all jealous at the idea of having a rival,” AR’s voice continues.

“You definitely don’t have rival,” Dirk says, sounding a little breathless. 

There’s the sound of shifting and movement and Dirk’s position has shifted. You think he’s probably sitting in AR’s lap now. The angle looks about right. His eyes go kind of soft and he’s kissing AR. Soft little noises that that make your heart speed up. (AR is watching you intently, a studious, interested sort of look that makes your face heat.) The recording is mostly sound, the room they’re sitting, Dirk’s shoulders and some of his face. 

There’s an odd little flicker in the recording, and a line of text flashing some kind of alert and then AR’s voice says, “Do you wish I could respond like a human to your touch?” AR’s voice sounds thoughtful, careful. 

“Sometimes. I’m glad you allow me this,” Dirk says, his tone is gentle and almost reassuring. 

“It isn’t just ‘allowing,’” AR says, his voice fond. “I enjoy watching your reactions and experimenting with new ways to make you scream.” Dirk flushes, and looks away. “And you enjoy it too, so it’s a mutually satisfactory experience.” AR pauses. “Eventually.”

Dirks face burns bright red, and his face goes out of direct view. You think he pressed his face against AR’s shoulder from the angle. “God, AR,” Dirk groans, embarrassed.

AR chuckles, and cradles the back of Dirk’s head. “Do something that you might want to do, if I were human and had the anatomy and sensorium of a human,” he murmurs in Dirk’s ear.

Dirk looks up at AR, flushed, and then speculative. “Oh God,” he says, his eyes widening a bit as he thinks of something. 

AR laughs. 

There’s more kissing, Dirk slowly working his way down until he’s sliding out of AR’s lap, face burning. He reaches down at one point to cup the smooth space between AR’s legs, rubbing his hand against the metal. AR lets Dirk push his legs apart and settle down between them. Dirk kisses and licks the metal surface, traces the circuitry with tongue and fingers. You can hear a slight buzz that mixes in with Dirk’s soft gasping breaths and little moans. He glances up, face flushed, soft and vulnerable. (You make a noise that’s somewhere between a moan and whimper. You can see AR smile at you, and you think you are probably in hell right now. Dirk’s sexy non-fellatio imploded your brain and your punishment is reliving the experience for all enternity. ) 

“You’re very aroused by this simulated fellatio,” AR voice remarks calmly. “Though given the absence of a penis I suppose it could be simulated cunnilingus?”

Dirk looks like he’s caught somewhere between laughter and exasperation. “Notable lack of a clit too,” he says breathlessly.

“Do you wish I had a penis, Dirk?” AR asks.

“I’m fine with you not having one,” Dirk says, his eyes a little averted. 

“Are you fine with me not being able to experience physical sensation the way you do?” AR asks.

“Less fine,” Dirk says, as if he were being compelled to be truthful. He does not look happy about the line of questioning. “I wish I could make you feel the way I do.” 

“Desperate and painfully aroused?” AR asks playfully. 

_“Yes.”_ Dirk’s tone is full of both longing and exasperation. 

AR laughs, and pulls Dirk back up into his lap. “Do you know what I’d do if I had a penis?” 

“F-fuck me?” Dirk gasps. There’s movement, and then AR’s appendages hold Dirk still and slowly peels him out of his clothing. 

“I would,” AR’s voice promises Dirk with and intensity that makes you shiver. “In a variety of positions on various surfaces. I would also fuck your mouth. I think I have an aesthetic interest in the sight of you on your knees, face flushed and your mouth between my legs, so that might be a position you’d find yourself in the most often.”

“AR, _fuck,_ ” Dirk says desperately.

“On your knees and naked, do you like that thought Dirk? Waiting for me to tell you to come worship me.” 

Dirk makes a choked off sound, like he was trying not to moan. “AR, please,” Dirk says, struggling against AR’s appendages. 

“I enjoy making you fall apart,” AR says smugly. You get a view of AR’s claws delicately grasping Dirk’s erection. Dirk goes still, eyes wide as he tries to not even pant. 

(You freeze too, as if those claws were on your dick. You’re breathless and hard and AR is watching you watch the recording and you think you might die. Dying might be a plan. AR touches your arm and you jump. “Shh,” he says, and you realize you’d said some of that out loud.)

“Good,” AR’s voice says approvingly on the screen. “I want you to sit up, and try not to move.” 

Dirk obeys, rising up on his knees. You watch AR carefully prepare Dirk with a bottle of lube that apparently lived in the couch cushions. Dirk tries not to squirm and mostly fails, flushing when AR makes little scolding noises at him. 

There’s more shifting and adjusting, and you see that AR is going to finger fuck him, while also giving him a handjob. There’s also a faint buzz that actually makes Dirk squeak, his eyes widening. “AR!” He shouts, and then a little more panicky, “ _AR!”_

“You liked this the last time,” AR says. 

“That was on a bed,” Dirk gasps. “Not sure about my balance here.”

“You’ll be fine, I’m much heavier than you, so you won’t overbalance me,” AR says reassuringly, and continues. Dirk does not look too reassured, but he does his best to stay still as AR strokes and thrusts. If Dirk moves he stops until Dirk goes still again. It gets harder and harder for Dirk to go still, and soon he’s begging and writhing and screaming. It goes on for a long time, and you can’t look away. When Dirk finally comes it seems like a long, drawn out process, shivering and clinging to AR. 

“You did so well,” AR’s voice murmurs. “Did you enjoy yourself?” 

You hear Dirk make a sort of humming noise, tired and satisified. He nods. 

The recording ends and you kind of just sit there for a while. AR sits by you, and doesn’t say anything at all. “He really wanted me to see this?” 

“It was the one he picked,” AR confirms. “I would have picked a different one.”

“Why did he pick this one? Why did you want to show me a recording?” 

“Do you remember what I told you before the experiment began?” 

“That you were always around, watching him?” 

“I said, ‘I do not have Dirk’s back. I have _Dirk._ There is no moment where I am not aware of him. There is no situation involving Dirk where I will not be involved,’” AR says. “Dirk felt this illustrated general interests, dynamics and kinks. I wanted to use the recording of where I included you as a hypothetical presence.”

“I read the transcript,” you say, feeling your face heat up. “This is before the game though,” you say. “You weren’t really thinking of me as a hypothetical presence here, more like an actual nuisance.” 

“It was definitely a spark point that made me think of the social experiment however,” AR says. “Other points being your withdrawal, Dirk’s self-blame for the situation and my later conversations with you and Jade.” He smirks. “Your having read the transcript was the main disqualifying factor for showing you the ‘voyeur’ recording.”

“And the deciding factor for this recording?”

AR’s smile is evil. “Well, Dirk wanting the D.” 

“Seriously AR?” Dirk’s voice asks from somewhere off toward the dining area. He’s framed in the doorway wearing black denim and a t-shirt. He’s giving AR an exasperated look. “’Dirk wants the D?’

“Is that inaccurate?” AR asks. 

“Maybe I’m warning Dave about your desire for subjects kneeling in abject adoration and obedience,” Dirk says, and bookends you on the couch. He smiles at you. “Hey.”

“Hey,” you say, feeling kind of naked without your glasses. You think about the point of view of the recording, and find yourself really focused on Dirk’s mouth. 

“Kiss him,” AR says and you’re not sure if he’s telling you or Dirk but it doesn’t matter because you are both going in for the kiss at the same time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: The porn in this chapter is a POV modification of [this side fic](http://othercat2.tumblr.com/post/145414558586/re-tags-safety-dance-3-ao3)
> 
> Note 2: I was really surprised to find that there was an actual screen play of Shirley Jackson's _We Have Always Lived in the Castle_ I have not seen the movie, so I don't know how true it is to the original novel. My synopsis follows the novel.


	16. ==>Jade: learn the details (be the Platonic Dominatrix)

Despite Dave’s “don’t wait up,” both of you know that you’re going to wait up for him. You’re almost as nervous as Dave was about the date, and you want to see that everything went well. You occupy yourself with some reading in the living room, and wait. John stays up with you for a while, watching movies on the entertainment center, but eventually he heads to bed. Rose had gone to her room shortly after dinner, mentioning that there was someone she wanted to talk too online. So, eventually it’s quiet, just you and a book you really can’t concentrate on because you’re nervous.

AR sends you a message: The date is going well. We’re watching a movie.

GG: good! i’m glad but you shouldn’t be messaging me in the middle of your date! 

AR: I am quite capable of multitasking. In fact, there are a number of functions and projects I’m overseeing at the same time as I’m watching the movie and Dave’s reactions to it.

GG: yeah but it’s the principle! no messaging during dates unless it’s an emergency or something!

AR: I’ll make a note of that for future social situations. Are you planning to stay up until Dave returns?

GG: maybe? i’m not really tired and i want to know how it went and how he feels and stuff! 

AR: If you do, invite Dirk to spend the night. He may or may not take you up on it, due to circumstances.

GG: dirk is going to drop dave off? why?

AR: I will be following your social rule for dating now. 

AR puts himself on “date night.” Since AR is not available to glare at, you glare at the phone instead. You wouldn’t have thought anything of it if AR had said something about Dirk joining the date. (You might have speculated about it, maybe, but not thought anything of it.) However, AR telling you to invite Dirk to spend the night was another thing entirely “Don’t think I won’t ask Roxy about this Dirk business,” you tell the phone.

[AR is not available for socialization due to “date night” activities. Talking to Roxy would probably be a good idea and probably be suggested if AR were available to converse, which he is not due to “date night” activities.]

You snort. “Okay, fine.” Something was definitely up that involved Dirk and maybe also Roxy. 

You send a message to Roxy: hey roxy? are you busy?

TG: not really what’s up?

GG: well ar kind of implied in a round about kind of way that i should invite dirk to spend the night at our place.

GG: and also i should ask you about why.

TG: well u kno how dirk’s bro had “the talk” with dave and dirk?

TG: part two was apparently jake talking to dirk about dave and you.

TG: it did not go well.

GG: oh no!! what happened? what did this jake guy say?

TG: since jakey is my friend too, lemme preface by saying that he means well. 

TG: and he was mostly worried that you and dave are kind of young fr dirk and ar to be in a relationship with--though i don’t think there’s that much of an age difference, but jake apparently does?

TG: also he and ar don’t rilly get along at all so there’s that.

GG: they argued about us? Because we’re a few years younger than Dirk? 

TG: pretty much! there was a lot of yelling an jane an me trying to mediate. dirk ended up leaving the apartment, an won’t answer my texts. 

GG: i think he’s probably going to be joining up with dave and ar? ar said dirk’d be coming back with dave and that i should invite him to spend the night.

TG: yeah he and jake need to chill. things got sad that should not have been said.

GG: i feel like i should say sorry because we’re kind of the reason for the fight, but i also kind of want to do some yelling myself because he upset dirk?

TG: you are totally NOT the reason for the fight! jake is being dumb, and he’s a little freaked out due to seeing things he’s not comfortable with.

GG: omg

TG: not like walking in on seeing things! though that totally happened to dirk’s bro like three times so far. it’s more like ar’s carried dirk in all swooning maiden style after one of their dates? and there have totally been boot scenes wear ar comes out of dirk’s room looking all smug.

TG: and the rooms r sound proofed but not THAT sound proofed.

GG: omg 

GG: lol! almost feel sorry for jake, except not because he should be minding his own damn business. checking out your friend’s new significant other is one thing, but pissing someone off over it is another!

GG: what’s his handle?

TG: i’m not sure i should give it. :P

GG: if he’s so concerned about dave and my virtue, he should be warning us off himself instead of getting on dirk’s case about it.

GG: i promise to leave him in more or less one piece. >:D

TG: lol it’s golgothasTerror. 

GG: Thank you~

GG: <3

[gardenGnostic (GG) is no longer messaging tipsyGnostalgic (TG)] 

It’s a temptation to just go ahead and give Jake a piece of your mind, but you’re not nearly mad enough to go off half-cocked. You decide that you’re going to wait and see if you can get any further information out of Dirk or maybe even AR before you have a talk with Jake. (It’s pretty late, anyway.) 

You get your laptop and read Dave’s webcomic. It’s funny and really weird, taking place in two compounds; one super surreal with graffiti on the walls and stained glass windows, and the other a darker, creepier version of the Lafayette compound. There’s two characters moving between the compounds, which you think are maybe occupying the same space, or are alternate versions of each other. The first mini-arc is called “damn its good to be a ganjsta” and seems to involve a pound of medical marijuana going missing, and a lot of archaic references to old “war against drugs” commercials.

The first sign you're falling asleep is that your head keeps tilting against the back of the couch. You also notice a loud-- _snork!_ \-- that keeps waking you up. (Spoiler: you are the one snorking.) You eventually give up on staying awake, sliding the laptop off your lap and onto the seat next to you. You lean against the arm with your legs stretched out on the floor, and let yourself drift off. 

The door opening wakes you up, and quiet voices. “Hey guys!” you say, and your voice cracks a little, your throat dry from snoring. 

Dave and Dirk are standing in the doorway, talking, and they startle a little like they hadn’t seen you--or heard you--on the couch. They both look a little disheveled, and you are pretty sure Dirk has his t-shirt on backward. What’s startling to you is that Dave isn’t wearing his shades. No wonder Dirk had to walk him home, you realize. Dave was so self-conscious about his eyes, bright red and sensitive to light. The kids and some of the adults would say he was possessed, or maybe a devil. It had taken a lot of work to get Lafayette to accept him as far as they had, which hadn’t been much. What had happened to his glasses?

“Hey, I thought I told you to not to wait up,” Dave says before you can ask him about the shades. 

You snort, and sit up, stretching out. (You decide the question can wait.) “Ha. Can I get you anything to drink, Dirk?” you ask, walking over to where Dave and Dirk are standing. 

“Hey, what about me,” Dave jokes. 

“You live here,” you say, and he laughs and heads into the kitchen. 

“I’m fine,” Dirk says and his voice is quiet and a little shy somehow. “I was just leaving.” 

“You don’t have to,” you say. “Anyway, it’ll save me asking you for details later.” You wiggle your eyebrows at him, startling a little laugh out of him.

“I guess I could stay a little while, and have some orange drink, if you have any,” Dirk says.

“Hey Dave, do you think you could get a couple orange drinks while you’re in the kitchen?” You ask Dave with a grin. 

“You live here too,” Dave points out, but takes out two bottles of the orange drink.

“You were right in front of the fridge,” you point out. 

“I am so whipped,” Dave complains, but he’s smiling as he comes over with his apple drink and the two orange drinks. 

“You’re the best,” you tell Dave as he hands each of you a bottle. 

You herd the both of them into your bedroom. There’s a workbench and your computer desk along one wall, your dresser and your bed. You sit on the edge of your bed, Dave sits at your desk, and Dirk sits at your workbench, which is currently full of tools, defunct computer parts and other devices from various flea markets, textbooks and notebooks. He’s briefly distracted by the paint gun you’re building. “Paint gun, huh?” 

“I found the directions for making them online. I thought it would be fun,” you say with a shrug.

“You should see her with a rifle,” Dave says. “She’s awesome.” 

“I’m a pretty good marksman,” you say “I think Grampa was hoping they’d let me be part of a sniper team?” You adjust your glasses. “But I was disqualified on two counts, my eyesight and my not being a boy.” 

“How bad is your eyesight?” Dirk asks. 

“I’m pretty nearsighted, but that’s why scopes are a thing? And even nearsighted I kicked the asses of all the girls and boys in the marksman class.”

“Because witchcraft,” Dave says with a grin. 

You snort and roll your eyes. “Dork.” You grin back at him, and let your smile turn a little evil. “Sooo, how was the date?” 

“I was hoping you’d gotten distracted,” Dave says, looking between you and Dirk with his face heating up. 

“Nope, I was just softening you up before asking the big questions,” you tell him. 

Dave tells you about the date, the walk through the restricted areas of the tower, the little mock-up of a restaurant and entertainment area. “Once more humans have been through the various education programs, they’ll be working in the restricted areas as well,” Dirk interjects. “So not so much a mock- up as it was a prototype break area.” 

“Pretty extravagant break area,” Dave says. “Anyway after dinner we saw a creepy psychological horror movie and then well…” Dave trails off red in the face. “We kind of saw a porn movie. A porn home movie.” 

(You notice that Dirk is also blushing.) 

“Oh wow,” you say. “A home movie?”

Dave nods. “It was kind of…intense,” he says. “It was just after they were having some kind of discussion about me having a crush on Dirk. And uh, they were being all intimate and sexy.” 

“Intimate and sexy? Details please!” You jump up and down on your bed, not able to restrain the grin. 

Dave buries his face in his hands. “Oh my god Harley. You’re supposed to be asexual. Why.” 

“Actual sex is kind of gross and weird,” you tell him. “Sexy intense intimacy sounds really amazing. Also, you look cute when you’re embarrassed.” 

Dirk tries to hide his laugh with a cough. “So, embarrassing Dave is a thing?” Dirk asks. 

“No, no it is not a thing,” Dave says, still hiding behind his hands. “It is never a thing.” 

“It totally is,” you say in return. You get up and hug Dave, then turn the chair toward Dirk. Dave doesn’t fight very hard when you push his hands down and lift his face up so Dirk can see. “See?” Dave is blushing and his eyes are tightly closed. He looks so cute when he’s flustered, red cheeked and his mouth starting to wobble out of its usual straight line. 

“He looks a little upset,” Dirk says, sounding somewhere between amused and concerned.

“Nah, we got safewords and everything. Jade is the best Platonic dominatrix,” Dave mumbles. His eyes are still tightly closed. 

“What happened to your shades, Dave?” you ask. 

“They were confiscated,” Dave says. “AR wouldn’t give them back. I was a good boy and everything, too.”

It’s Dirk’s turn to hide behind his hands. “Dave, oh my god,” he says, voice slightly muffled. “Why would you say that? Why?” 

Dave opens his eyes and his mouth tilts in a little smile. “Because you look pretty cute when you’re embarrassed too?” he asks Dirk.

Dirk looks up from his hands, flustered and embarrassed, but also very cute. You totally agree with Dave.

“So AR took your shades. Then what happened?” 

“He watched me, while I was watching the screen,” Dave says. With a little coaxing you get him to tell you everything that happened on the screen. He’s squirming a little in the chair by the end of it. He also tells you about the little conversation he and AR had about why he’d been shown the recording. “And then Dirk came in. He sat down on the couch and then AR told us to kiss so we did.” 

“Anything else?” you ask Dirk. Dirk is a little flustered at being asked a direct question. (You also think AR is talking to him, maybe convincing him to answer the question.)

“Well, we kissed, and AR…well he wrapped his appendages around Dave’s arms and legs, holding him still. Dave was a little nervous when AR tied him up, but I kissed him some more and he was pretty okay after that? AR directed me to get out of my clothes and then help Dave out of his. Which was a little complicated, since AR had a hold of him.” 

“AR directed me to kiss Dave and tease him, edge him, so I did.” 

“It was pretty intense,” Dave fills in. “AR was going ‘this is not quite what you look like when you’re close, but it seems very similar,’ and ‘he seems quite sensitive there, Dirk, run your tongue over that spot again,’ stuff like that. Stuff that had no business being that sexy.” 

Dirk laughs a little at that. “That was pretty tame compared to what he’s said to me,” he says. 

“Oooh. I’d love to ask you what he’s said, but maybe that’s a little private,” you say. 

Dirk shakes his head a little. “Mostly that I belong to him, that he could do whatever he wanted to me. Sometimes he tells me what he could do, but that doesn’t exactly…upset me.” Quickly, maybe trying to be reassuring he says, “I’m not into pain. Just threats I guess?”

“AR is weirdly sexy with the threats,” Dave says. “Also the orders.” 

“It sounds like Dirk got most of the orders,” you say. “Did you get any?” 

“Oh my god Harley,” Dave says, and tries to curl up in the chair. 

You laugh and tug Dave back up, kissing his cheek. Dirk is watching, smiling at you both. “I think I can see why you and AR get along,” he says, a little teasingly. 

“I like AR,” you tell Dirk. “Did Dave get any orders?” 

Dirk flushes. “Mostly ‘hold still’ and things like that. AR asked him a lot of questions. Dave mostly answered, but kept going on tangents.” 

“They were complicated questions,” Dave protests. “I had to run them down and figure them out while I was up to my ears in robo-tentacles and sexy boyfriends. That’s two boyfriends, robo-boyfriend and standard-boyfriend. I can call you my boyfriend right? And AR.” 

There’s a ping from everyone’s cellphones. 

AR: I have no problem with being referred to as Dave’s boyfriend.

“I also don’t have a problem,” Dirk says with a tilted smile.

“What about me?” you ask. “Can I call you my boyfriend?” You are mostly asking AR and you are mostly joking. 

AR: Of course. 

“I never thought I’d have a girlfriend, but sure,” Dirk says.

“It will be just like having a boyfriend, only girlier,” Dave says. 

You snort. “Right. Girlier.” To Dirk you ask, “as your official girlfriend, can I ask you to spend the night?” 

“Seconding as the official boyfriend,” Dave says. 

Dirk looks conflicted. “Are you sure?” he asks, a little hesitantly. 

“Pretty sure,” you tell him. “I’m also asking because a little birdy told me that it might be better if you spent the night here, because of reasons.” 

“What reasons?” Dave asks.

“Was the little birdy named Roxy?” Dirk asks wryly. 

“Well, AR suggested it, but I went to Roxy for details.”

“Guys,” Dave says, a little impatiently. 

After a moment of hesitation Dirk says, “I had a fight with one of my friends.” He looks away from you both. “How much did Roxy tell you?”

“That someone named Jake argued with you because he thought we were too young to get involved with you and AR’s robotentacles,” you say. 

Dirk chokes a little at that, an almost laugh. So does Dave. (You’re pretty sure it’s for slightly different reasons.)

“Yeah, that’s about it,” Dirk says. “He said a lot of stuff about you being too young for ‘that sort of thing,’ and when I asked what he meant…things went downhill from there.” 

“What a thoughtful and concerned friend…can I shoot him?” You ask. 

Dirk laughs. 

“She’s mostly not joking,” Dave says. “I kind of want to kick his ass too.” 

“If he were that concerned that he’d talk to you about it, he should have come to us first,” you say.

“He framed it as, ‘well since you’re responsible for them,’” Dirk says. 

“Nope, sorry,” Dave says. “You are not actually our parent or legal guardian. You just got listed as the technical adult who is mentoring us and keeping us out of trouble, which you’ve done.”

“Keeping Dave out of trouble is a full time job,” you say cheerfully. “So thanks!” 

“Yeah yeah, what about John? Who do you think has to keep an eye on him?” Dave asks. 

“I keep an eye on him too,” you tell him. “Though I switch off with Rose.”

Dave rolls his eyes. “Anyway, we can totally make our own decisions and date you and the emperor of everything.” 

“And kick your friend’s ass while doing it,” you say. “So, can I shoot him? In the knee maybe?” 

“Can I punch him in the kidneys though?” Dave asks. 

Dirk smiles. “Please don’t shoot Jake. Or punch him.”

“Yell at him a lot?” You and Dave chorus that. 

“Maybe yell at him,” Dirk says. “I guess I could spend the night, if it kept you from a vigilante spree.” 

“There’s plenty of room on the bed,” you say, and give him an eyebrow wiggle. “Or you could go sleep on the couch.” 

“Warning: if you pick the couch she will actually move us all into the living room for a slumber party,” Dave says. 

“There’s nothing wrong with slumber parties Dave,” you say, frowning. 

“Yeah but maybe he wants a little space, Harley,” Dave says with a slanted grin. 

“A slumber party’s fine,” Dirk says. 

The three of you head out of the bedroom with pillows and blankets. Once you’re out there you decide you want a blanket fort, which Dave objects to on the grounds that you’re, “not exactly convincing Dirk we’re mature beyond our years, Harley.”

“A pillow fort actually sounds fun,” Dirk says. “We used to have them a lot for sleepovers when we were kids. We still do sometimes, because Callie missed out.” 

You give Dave a triumphant look and the three of you build a pillow fort. Couch cushions and the recliner are involved in the construction. Dave ends up in the middle, and the three of you fall asleep during an utterly random conversation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently working on an original fiction serial novel on dreamwidth! It's called The Forest Room. 
> 
> Check it out on [Catching Shadows!](http://catchingshadows.dreamwidth.org/)
> 
> Come talk to me on my Tumblr [othercat2!](http://othercat2.tumblr.com/)


	17. ==>AR: observe socialization (put plans in motion)

In the morning you observe as Dirk, Dave and Jade are questioned and teased by Rose Lalonde and John Egbert as they emerge from the “pillow fort.” Dave is amusingly self-conscious about his lack of shades, flushing red to his ears and utterly failing to maintain a stoic expression. “I know I’m gorgeous but tone down the thirst, Egbert. You’ll make my boyfriend feel all jealous,” Dave says flippantly at one of John’s comments. 

John looks up in surprise from the breakfast he’s making, looking between Dave and Dirk, and then at his cousin. “Boyfriend? Really? What about AR--or Jade for that matter?” He frowns a little, the expression you realize, of someone who is feeling protective for a relative. 

“They’ve been working themselves up to an amicable if unorthodox relationship for weeks now,” Rose pointed out. 

“I thought it was just messing around? Not anything serious? And ‘boyfriend’ sounds kind of serious,” John says. 

Jade rolls her eyes at her cousin. “Joooohnn.” 

“What?” John asks defensively. 

“Polyamory. Is a thing,” Jade says patiently. 

“Heaven forbid someone straying from the straight and narrow path of monogamy,” Dave drones. “Time to clutch our pearls everybody.” 

“Ugh! I just meant I didn’t know how serious it was!” John says. “How am I going to give the big brother/best friend speech to the emperor, let alone the emperor’s boyfriend?” 

“Ooh! Speaking of which--!” Jade reports the transgressions of Jake English to her cousin and Dave’s sister. Plans for revenge are immediately discussed over Dirk’s amused protests. (He attempts to talk them out of doing anything, but not very hard, you notice.) John turns out to be the most enthusiastic planner, offering suggestions in between making bacon, eggs and cinnamon toast. 

“I’m sure Jade already has the situation well in hand John,” Rose says and John subsides, though only barely. 

Perhaps two percent of your attention is directed toward the breakfast banter, a significant portion. Most of it is directed toward Dirk of course, but you’re also beginning to gather more detailed information from Jade and Dave. (You’ll be getting even more information when you can finish a side project you began sometime last night, after the three had gone to sleep.) It’s interesting and even pleasant background “noise” to your finalizing a number of negotiations, meeting with Strider and his slowly growing staff, and making final decisions on a number of infrastructure decisions. 

The plans for the “Lafayette Intervention,” are in their final stages. The two communities on the network that are also (relatively) close to Lafayette have agreed not to warn them, and provide back up. (In the words of one of the two community leaders: “It’s past time those assholes got the shit kicked out of them.”) The small community of refugees from Lafayette have chosen delegates and Strider has picked the human volunteers to serve as support, with six Libra Units and one Sagittarius serving as back up. 

Dave sends you a text message around noon: am i ever going to get my shades back its not like i have spares

AR: Perhaps.

AR: The other Lafayette refugees have chosen delegates for the upcoming Intervention on their community. I would like the four of you to be among the delegates.

TG: really

AR: Part of the Intervention will include investigations into mysterious deaths and disappearances, among other things.

TG: ill tell them

TG: i

TG: im not sure if i want to know for sure if my bro really was murdered or if he just got killed out scavenging 

TG: i mean were pretty sure thats what happened but

TG: fuck

TG: sorry for getting my emotion all over the place 

AR: There is nothing to apologize for. Please relay the offer to your kinship group. I feel your input is demographically important to this venture.

TG: okay ill tell them

You watch the campaign against Jake English with considerable amusement. Rose brings her friend K4N-4Y4 into the conspiracy. The conspiracy is briefly sidetracked by John asking “Is everyone dating robots now? Is that the new thing?” 

“Yes John, everyone is dating robots,” Rose says in a very bland tone. 

“Humans make quite the fashion statement,” K4N-4Y4 says. “No aesthetic composition is complete without one.” 

“There, see? We’re all the rage.” 

“Guys, we’re supposed to be dragging Mr. English, not John,” Jade says. “As much fun as it is.” 

“I have no problem with people dating robots,” John says. “I was just surprised, okay?” 

“And when were you going to tell us you had a girlfriend, Rose. We’re very disappointed in you young lady,” Dave says in a blandly monotone voice that he isn’t quite able to keep a straight face for. (You’re familiar with the expression “the smile didn’t reach his eyes.” This is the first time you’ve noted the reverse. Dave’s mouth is a straight line, but he’s smiling with the tilt of his eyebrows and the way his eyes widen.) 

You send to Dave:  I see why you’re so desperate to get your shades back. You are not good at maintaining stoic expressions.

TG: yep thats why exactly it cant be because im sensitive to bright light

“She isn’t my girlfriend,” Rose says a little too quickly. 

TG: and i have red demon eyes

“I’m hurt Rose,” K4N-4YA says. “I thought we had something special.” Her tone is an excellent portrayal of mock disappointment. 

TG: when am i getting my shades back

John smiles at K4N-4Y4 with open delight. “Oh you’re good. You’re perfect for Rose.” 

“I’m so glad you approve,” K4N-4Y4 says. 

“I am _utterly_ reliant on the good opinion of my friends, Kanaya,” Rose declares. “But we should return to the dragging of Mr. English.” 

AR: Eventually.

Over the next 72 hours, the five of them contact Jake using his golgothasTerror handle on the network, and start a series of bizarre conversations with him. K4N-4Y4 contacts him, pretending to be under the impression that she needs to ask his permission to associate with Rose Lalonde. Rose Lalonde contacts him, pretending to be concerned about Dave and Jade, but switches over to interrogating Jake about his latent jealousy and resentment over the “loss” of Dirk. John Egbert rambles about shotgun weddings and bachelor parties. Dave sends memes, sketches of Dirk, yourself and Jade and roughs of his webcomic. Jade just argues with him in a very straightforward manner. 

He initially tries blocking them. You immediately offer to take down the block, but John declares that this would be “cheating.” He instead asks an android acquaintance of his to do it. When asked how that wasn’t cheating he says, “you’re the robot emperor, Sollux is just a dude who happens to also be a robot.” 

You send a message to Jade: Have you thought about getting your vision permanently corrected? 

GG: you mean surgically?

AR: It would be a simple procedure, and the androids who’ve been taught it have already had physical experience with optical surgeries.

GG: that’s really reassuring but i kind of like my glasses! well okay the prescription is actually awful for both me and john. someone came back with lenses one time and we literally held them up to our eyes until we found lenses that made our vision less blurry.

GG: but i like how they look and they help hold my hair back!

AR: I see. Feel free to make arrangements with the Tower infirmary for eye exams. There’s no reason for you to keep a prescription that is unsuitable for you. 

GG: okay! i honestly forgot that that could be a thing we could do! thanks ar! 

AR: You’re welcome Jade. 

When your project is completed, you request Dave’s presence in the control room. His arrival is prompt and much less apprehensive than when he met you for the date. (This is interesting, and reminds you both of the way Dirk trusts you and how Dirk’s brother demeanor changed toward you during the first few weeks after the defeat of the Empress. Not being feared is interesting.) He pauses in the doorway, staring up at the vast networks of cables, all glowing with your red. He looks at you, linked to those cables, suspended in the air, and the little bank of terminals off to the side of your dais. “Hey,” Dave says and enters the room, and the door slides shut behind him. 

You lower yourself to the floor. “I have a present for you,” you say. “It’s on the terminal over there.” 

“I hope it’s my shades,” Dave says, going over to the terminal. 

“I wouldn’t give you your own shades as a gift,” you say. 

“So you got me an eyeglass case?” Dave asks, picking up the small oblong case. He pauses as he realizes that the case isn’t empty, and opens it. Inside is a new pair of shades. He looks at the shades and then looks at you. “Red lenses?” 

“They can be any color you want them to be,” you tell him. “Try them on. I might need to make adjustments with their fit.” 

“How do I change the color?” Dave asks as he puts them on. The shades boot up immediately. Dave makes a surprised noise and takes them off to look at them. “It’s a computer?” 

“A design based off of a pair created by Dirk,” you say. “With a few additions.” 

“Like being able to change the color of the lenses?” Dave asks. “What else?” 

“Monitoring your brainwaves and biological functions, a tracking chip, direct messaging, audio and video recording software, access to a restricted sub-network occupied by myself, Dirk, Roxy and Dirk’s brother.” You watch him carefully, wondering if he’ll become upset at the lack of privacy implied by a tracking chip and biological monitoring apps. Dirk’s brother hadn’t liked the idea and refused to have anything to do with that much monitoring, Roxy let you install the tracking chip into her cell phone but only because you made it so that she could turn it off. 

Dave looks uncertain. “So you want to be able to keep tabs on me all the time?” he asks. “On top of all the video and audio surveillance you have going on here?” 

“Dirk’s collar serves a similar function,’ you say. You hesitate. “I find it reassuring.” 

“Reassuring how?” Dave asks. 

“Dirk’s safety is of paramount concern to me,” you say. “His actions are often reckless and dangerous.” You make an attempt at humor, “he pursued me as a romantic partner, after all.” 

Dave laughs, short and a little surprised. You aren’t sure if he’s surprised at his own laughter or your joke. “And it would be reassuring if I wore these shades?” Dave asks. 

“Yes.” 

“Does that mean you like me?” Dave asks, and then looks embarrassed that he asked. 

You tilt your mouth at the corners in a smirk. “Yes, obviously.” 

“So I get shades but not a collar?” Dave asks. Then hurriedly, “not that I’m asking for a collar.” 

You cause some cable-limbs to wrap around Dave’s legs and waist. He twitches a bit, but doesn’t panic. “The collar has special meaning,” you tell Dave. “Dirk is mine and I want to make it very clear that this is the case at the slightest glance.” 

Dave flushes. “Sorry for being oblivious?” 

“I’m not annoyed by that anymore,” you tell him. You move closer to Dave. “Another reason is that Dirk likes to be visibly marked as being mine.” You take the shades out of Dave’s hand and put them back on. “Are they comfortable?” 

“Maybe a little loose,” Dave says, voice a little shaky. Not from fear or anxiety, or perhaps, not quite fear. 

The tone of his voice sounded like it was something closer to arousal. The cable-limbs shift and you find that your guess is correct. He has an erection pressing against his pants. “I’ll adjust them for you,” you say, and briefly remove the shades and adjust the arms and earpieces to something more comfortable for him. You stroke his cheek with your fingers. “Is that better?” 

“Y-yeah,” Dave says a little breathlessly. 

“I’ll show you how to use the computer, it can take some practice to learn to use it,” you say. Your hand is still on his face, and you brush your thumb across his lips. 

“It seems like you want to show me other things,” Dave says. “Like your big robot…tentacles.” 

“Well that too,” you tell him. You bend to kiss him, and he kisses back. “Are you really worried about being mistaken for a demon?” You ask after a few minutes of kissing. 

He laughs, a little breathlessly. “Well, it was a thing,” he says. “I mean red eyes aren’t normal, and I was kind of weird anyway.” 

You kiss him again, and your smaller limbs slide under his clothes. You remove his glasses again, so they don’t slip off and become damaged. Your limbs slide up under his shirt, down into his pants. He squirms, making little breathy noises and whimpers as your limbs caress his skin. “Are we…are we doing this here? In the throne room?” he asks. 

“Yes, we’re doing this in the ‘throne room,’” you say. “Dirk liked it.” 

“What if someone--wait that’s what he liked, wasn’t it,” Dave says, flushing more. 

You hum in wordless agreement. “The risk anyway. He declared himself dead of embarrassment the time when his brother walked in.” 

“Oh god,” Dave says. 

“Dirk usually calls me AR,” you tell him, and muffle his sputtering laughter with another kiss. You tug him out of his clothes, explore his reactions to your touch. He’s a little afraid of your claws, but he likes to be lightly scratched by them. Little sparks of electricity make him gasp and whimper. You lift him up into the air and he squirms and struggles at the sensation of being out of contact with the ground. He likes the feel of your tongue, and the hard edges of the “dentition” you use to assist with vocal speech along his thighs. 

He writhes and moans for you, struggling not to get away, but to get closer, to touch you. There is a certain reciprocity he desperately wants that you won’t let him have, and which you wouldn’t be able to receive if you let him. (But he tries anyway.) In this, he’s very like Dirk. You play with him, paying close attention to his reactions, repeating things he likes, listening to his moans and whimpers, watching the way he pants and struggles. 

“I like the sounds you make when I do this,” you tell Dave in between sucking kisses along his hip. “You sound so desperate.” 

“P-probably b-because I am,” Dave gasps and arches. “Please.” 

“Please what?” 

“I don’t know,” Dave says, a little frantic. He tries to move against you, to reach you even, but he’s too tied up in limbs. “I don’t know, just please!” 

You laugh. “Do you want to come Dave?” You ask him. 

“Yes!” 

“Tell me how much,” you say. 

“So fucking much,” Dave says. “I’m going to explode if you don’t touch my dick. There will be messy Dave bits all over the place.” 

“You’re supposed to be giving me incentive to let you come, not incentive to watch what sounds like a fascinating phenomenon,” you say as you gently run your claws over his skin. You’re holding his trembling thighs apart and pretending to study his erection. 

“Oh god, dangerbot,” Dave moans. “How did I forget the dangerbot part.” 

“I doubt that you did,” you tell him. You wrap your hand around his erection, just that, and hold him still while he tries to buck up into your fist. 

“Pleasepleasepleasejerkmeoffdosomethinggodemperorofeverythingplusmydickpleasepleaseplease.” 

You ease up on your limbs and allow him to thrust up into your hand, amused as he continues to talk, an endless stream of begging, fantasies, speculation and promises. You record every bit of it. He screams when you finally allow him to come, then hangs limp in your limbs and the cable-limbs. You unwrap him from the cable-limbs and carry him (and his clothes) back to the dais cradled in your arms. “Let’s get you down to my respite station,” you say. 

“’Kay,” Dave mumbles, pressing his cheek against your chest. “Shades?” he asks. 

“Right here.” You show him the case. 

“Holdin’ ‘em th’whole time?” He seems amused by that for some reason. 

“Yes.” 

“Kay.” 

You carry him to the living room of your respite station and let him lie down on the couch. He goes immediately to sleep. You send a message to Jade and Dirk letting them know where Dave is, and asking them if they’d like to come to the respite station for a movie night. Their answers affirmative and on the part of Jade, full of questions about what you were “up to.” 

While you’re arranging dinner, Jake English contacts you with an accusation of setting Dave’s kinship group on him. 

AR: Why would you think I had anything to do with the actions of the Egbert-Harley-Lalonde-Strider household?

GT: You had to have manipulated them into it, or told them something to put me in the worst possible light.

GT: They’re accusing me of all sorts of tommyrot.

GT: And their accomplices appear to be androids.

AR: Any light you were put in was entirely from what Jade learned about the incident from Roxy and Dirk. Both for some reason attempted to defend or forgive your actions, so Jade, Dave, Rose and John’s intent to “drag” you was entirely on their own initiative.

AR: As for the androids, they joined the effort due to their friendships with members of the Egbert-Harley-Lalonde-Strider household.

GT: As if I’d believe that!

AR: You should because it’s the truth. That household is used to reacting defensively when a member is attacked. Jade and Dave have bonded with Dirk and view him as a member of their household who was attacked. 

GT: I never meant to attack Dirk! I was just worried about what those kids might be getting into! 

AR: It doesn’t matter that you didn’t mean to. What matters is that you attacked Dirk, and made four young adults only a few years younger than you very angry. 

GT: They’re kids! Kids who’ve been through hell! They need care and therapy not whips and chains! 

AR: Dirk doesn’t have a “pain kink.” I don’t think Dave does either. 

GT: You know what I mean. They don’t need to have their heads screwed up by a manipulative sadist.

AR: I have a vested interest in psychologically stable humans who might be able to become parents. The Egbert-Harley-Lalonde-Strider household has a great deal of potential as an extended family unit. I have no incentive to “screw them up” any more than they’ve been “screwed up” by the community they escaped from. 

AR: Dirk is no more “screwed up” by me than I’m “screwed up” by him. You had no right to speak to him the way you did. Roxy and Jane both feel the same way that I do about this. You should probably listen to them on this subject and apologize to Dirk. 

AR: I have nothing to do with the Egbert-Harley-Lalonde-Strider household “dragging” you. I choose not to involve myself with this argument. You should probably talk to them about it if you want them to stop. 

[Auto-Responder (AR) has blocked golgotha’sTerror (GT)] 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _AR unlocks “guilt trip!” He can now point out when a “friend” or “family member” has done fucked up and bring the Weight of Disapproval of other “family members” into a conversation._


	18. ==>Dirk: spend time with your boyfriends (and your boyfriend’s girlfriend)

The next few days you spend most of your time between AR’s respite station and Jade and Dave’s apartment. AR invites you over and then Jade or Dave invites you to spend the night at their place. You avoid your apartment, and also Jake. It just seems easier to avoid Jake than try to talk to him right now. He hasn’t made any overtures, and you don’t exactly feel like extending any olive branches.

Things were said during your argument with Jake. Things were said and they had hurt. (“What you’re doing isn’t good for either of them. They don’t need to be messed about with the way he did to you Dirk. He’ll twist them up like he did–”) You had run out of the apartment, when what you had wanted to do was punch Jake in the face. (Roxy thought you should have gone ahead and punched him. Jane felt much the same.) You’d wandered the halls of the Tower and your anger faded, replaced by an uneasy fear that AR might contact you, asking if Jake was no longer off limits. Instead, AR invited you to join him and Dave on their date.

You went, even though you felt angry and uncertain. AR let you hear his conversation with Dave after showing him the second movie. (AR still didn’t say a thing about Jake.)

_“Your having read the transcript was the main disqualifying factor for showing you the ‘voyeur’ recording.”_

_“And the deciding factor for this recording?”_

_“Well, Dirk wanting the D.”_

_“Seriously AR?”_

He’d said it as a joke, to disarm. Dave had looked surprised at the joke, at you just being there. AR looked smug and pleased with himself. He orchestrated the scene; two of you, focused on Dave. AR asked Dave questions that made Dave flustered and red-faced. (You: “He asks me weird questions all the time.” AR: “I simply want to know if I’m achieving my goals within the session.” Dave: “The goal is making me die of embarrassment, isn’t it?”) Despite the complaints about AR’s questions, he isn’t really uneasy, nervous, but not scared. He tries to get as close to you as he can while you kiss him and run your hands over his skin. (He is very frustrated he can’t touch you.)

Dave reacted to your touch the way AR can’t, and it was sweet and weirdly satisfying to make Dave beg. AR directed you to edge Dave, and you find that you really like the way he arched up, struggling against AR’s limbs, making desperate little sounds. You really liked that. “I can almost see why you like doing this to me,” you told AR at one point.

“For slightly different reasons,” AR noted. “A moan or scream of pleasure really doesn’t sound that much different from pain, after all.”

“ _Why_ did he have to say that?” Dave asked. Gasped. _“Why?”_

“I find inflicting sudden bursts of horror amusing,” AR said, gently stroking the side of Dave’s face with his hand. Dave tilts his head back against AR’s chest, squirms a little bit as if he’s trying to get more comfortable. (Hard to do considering AR’s limbs were wrapped around Dave’s arms and legs, holding him spread out for you.) “Does being reminded that I am a ‘murderbot’ upset you?”

“There is no point where I’m not aware of that,” Dave said a little breathlessly. “Especially if you’re gonna say stuff like that.”

“You should be, but if you’re anything like Dirk, you’ll forget and come to trust me to ridiculous lengths.”

“Hey,” you said, and frowned at AR.

“Yeah well, you trust Dirk, right? To ridiculous lengths,” Dave points out with a breathless laugh.

“I think we shouldn’t probe into the nature of trustworthiness on a first date,” AR murmured with a frown. “I only pointed out that my aesthetic interest differed from Dirk’s to unsettle you.”

AR almost sounded petulant. You tried really hard not to grin. (He probably knew you wanted to though.)

“I am totally unsettled, this is me being unsettled that you can’t tell the difference between good moans and bad moans, or don’t care about the difference,” Dave said. “You both apparently like watching me squirm though, and I’m not sure it matters what specifically turns you on about it right now.”

“Accurate,” you told him, and leaned in for a kiss.

Once you and AR had thoroughly exhausted Dave, AR “let” Dave cuddle close and stroke you off while AR lazily kissed you. The three of you talked afterward, wrapped up in a nest of AR’s limbs. Idle conversation, mostly. Dave tried to get his glasses back, and you tried to help, but AR refused to give them back, plainly amused by Dave’s frustration and your exasperation. “I’ll return them later,” he said. “For now you can walk Dave home.”

“How about you give me my shades back and I walk _Dirk_ home?” Dave asked.

AR tilted his head and looked as if he’s thinking about it for a moment. Then he straightens and says.“No.”

“Why?”

“No reason,” AR had said.

So you’d ended up walking Dave back to his apartment, Dave grumbling about how bright the Tower lighting was. The argument with Jake was still in the back of your mind, but Dave was a pretty good distraction. When you’d reached his apartment, Jade was waiting for you both, apparently already informed about the argument with Jake. The three of you talked, and she invited you to spend the night. The three of you ended up in a pillow fort. Dave fell asleep almost immediately, you and Jade talked about programming your conversation getting increasingly disjointed as sleepiness finally caught up with you.

(You woke up in the middle, Dave’s head on your shoulder and Jade curled up with her back to you, having stolen your blanket.)

You hang out with Jade and Dave, and get to know their friends a little better. Rose is smart with a sly, quirky sense of humor. John is just as smart, despite his tendency to stick his foot in his mouth, and is a practical joker. Both of them are friendly, curious and welcoming. John’s curious about programming, though he self-admittedly isn’t as good as Jade. (And his interest is more in game creation.) Rose asks you for relationship advice. (The funny part is that K4N-4Y4 is also asking you for relationship advice.) You have no idea if you can help her on the relationship front, and K4N- 4Y4’s personality is nothing at all like AR’s, but it’s kind of nice talking to someone else who’s in a relationship with an android.

All four of them together harass the hell out of Jake, despite your efforts to rein them in. (You are not actually trying that hard.) After the first few pranks you’re surprised Jake doesn’t blow up your phone about it. (You suspect that AR is probably screening your phone calls, but don’t want to ask him about it.)

You’re also surprised Jane and Roxy don’t get on your case about completely avoiding your apartment. Both are pretty supportive about the situation, even though you haven’t really talked to them directly. Most of your communications are via text. However after a few days of avoiding the apartment, Jane issues an ultimatum: she wants to meet Jade and Dave, so the three of you had better come over for dinner on Friday.

You let Jade and Dave know about the dinner invitation, and show them the email that came up while you were critiquing a program Jade was working on. The three of you are in Dave’s room. You and Jade are sitting on Dave’s bed and Dave’s at the computer, working on his comic.

“More meeting the boyfriend’s relatives, yay,” Dave says. He spins his computer chair around to face you and Jade. “Is that guy going to be there?”

“Jake?” You ask. “He kind of lives there, dude.”

“You live there too, and yet,” Jade says, spreading out her hands to indicate Dave’s bedroom.

“Well, yeah,” you say. “Am I overstaying my welcome?”

“Yeah, totally,” Dave says. “We can’t afford to support the style you’ve become accustomed to.”

“You knew I was high maintenance when you met me,” you tell him.

“Dorks,” Jade says. “You are both unbelievable dorks.”

“Welp, honeymoon’s over. Now it’s time for verbal abuse,” Dave says. “She seemed like a nice girl but no one knew what she was really like behind closed doors.”

“Speaking of verbal abuse,” Jade says. “What are you going to do about Jake if he’s there?”

“Cross that bridge when we get to it?” You ask. Jade looks less than impressed. “I don’t know. We were friends since we were kids,” you say. “Then I met AR, and well, Jake really hates AR. And the feeling is mutual.” You rub your face with one hand. “I thought he was getting better about it, but he found out about you guys and suddenly I’m a deviant corrupting the innocent.”

“You totally are,” Dave says. “You stole my maidenhead, you brute.”

Jade pokes you in the ribs. “Dave’s maidenhead was totally mine, give it back.” She pokes you again.

You laugh and try to fend off Jade’s fingers. “Nope, totally mine now.”

“Maidenhead is such a weird word,” Dave says. He riffs on the subject at length, and you and Jade leave off goofing around to appreciate the ridiculousness. He winds down after a while, and the three of you just sit for a while. “Sooo,” he draws out after a few minutes of quiet, “you should probably talk it out with English before any bridge crossing happens.”

Both of them look at you expectantly. “After all the dragging you’ve done, you’re telling me that?” You ask. “I mean, wow.”

“Yeah well, that was us,” Dave says. “If he’d come to us in person, we would have told him to fuck off in person. But instead he goes to you with his ‘think of the children’ bullshit.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t go to your Bro about it,” Jade says.

“Do we know he didn’t?” Dave asks. “Maybe he did, and Mister Strider Senior told him to go stuff it, and checked out things on his own.”

“The dragging kind of makes it hard though,” you point out. “I’m pretty sure he’s blaming me or AR for getting you to do it.”

“More likely AR,” Jade says. “You’re the ingénue under his spell.”

You snort. “I really doubt he thinks that way,” and she shrugs, smiling.

“Talk to him and find out,” she suggests.

You agree, but you put it off for a couple days. You aren’t really sure you can trust yourself to keep things civil. In the end go off “invisible” and send a message to Jake.

TT: Hey.

You expect to wait a while before you get a message back, but his response is almost immediate.

GT: Strider?! You’ve been a hard man to find online or off!

TT: I’ve been online. I just haven’t been visible. And I’ve mostly been staying at Dave’s or AR’s.

TT: Working from their apartments.

GT: So Roxy and Jane have told me.

GT: As well as Misses Harley and Lalonde no relation and Misters Strider no relation and Egbert.

TT: I have absolutely no control over them, Jake. They do what they want.

TT: My being Dave et al’s adult supervision is a thin tissue of lies, and was only used once to get Dave and John out of foodfight babyjail, and make sure John went to mandatory classes afterward.

TT: You’ve been trying to get a hold of me?

GT: Yes.

GT: You didn’t know?

TT: After the fight I was pretty much avoiding you.

TT: If you tried to message me before, AR probably screened you out.

GT: I don’t want to start the fight over again, but it disturbs me you aren’t bothered by something like that.

TT: You think it doesn’t?

TT: You think I don’t talk to him about boundaries and what’s okay and what’s not? I’d probably be talking to him about his screening people out right now, except I don’t mind that much in this case.

TT: I didn’t want to talk to you. I was still angry because of the things you said. I’m still angry that you think I’m “ruined” or whatever. Permanently damaged by AR.

GT: Dirk, he tried to kill you multiple times. He hurt you and manipulated you. You *sacrificed* yourself to save your brother, to stop my uncle. He would have carried you off that night and we’d never have seen you again except maybe as a pile of bloody bones. I would never have seen you again.

GT: And I can’t help but feel that you’re still sacrificing yourself, making yourself into something you’re not just to please him.

TT: And apparently drawing others into AR’s sinister web.

TT: So you pretty much do think there’s something wrong with me, and it’s AR’s fault.

GT: I don’t know what else to think. I’ve tried to understand, but I don’t think I can. I’m sorry I said what I did. I’ll apologize to Dave and his friends if you think it will help. All I could think about was AR pulling the same machinations on them that he did to you and I lost my temper.

TT: It probably will. They’re pretty mad at you though.

TT: I thought we’d settled this Jake. That’s what I keep coming back to. I thought this was settled. Not like amicably, AR is never going to let the toaster thing go, but I thought it was settled. You don’t like each other, but AR trusts you to be my friend even though he doesn’t like you. It was workable.

GT: I thought it was workable too. I thought ‘I don’t understand but he’s happy,’ but it doesn’t really work when he brings you in and you’re unconscious and covered in bruises and welts!

You settle back from a screen that isn’t really there. Your thoughts are in a whirl and you have no idea what to say. So you don’t say anything. There’s a pause for about a minute, and then Jake sends another text. 

GT: Why have I been sent the entire “The Boss” series? As well as “Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns,” and “SM 101: A Realistic Introduction”?

“AR. No,” you say out loud. A second window opens up. 

AR: I’ll admit to allowing him to think the worst of the situation for my own amusement, but this level of ignorance begs to be corrected.

TT: Are you sure you’re not doing this to continue fucking with him? 

AR: I believe an appropriate phrase here would be “six of one, half dozen of the other.”

Shaking your head, you respond to Jake’s text. 

TT: AR says he’s trying to be helpful to make up for being an asshole.

The other window pings at you. 

AR: That’s not what I said, but close enough.

You snort. To Jake you text: 

TT: I’m not going to explain my love life to you in order to reassure you I’m okay.

TT: I’m not going to try to explain why I love him despite what he’s done. I’ve tried, but you just get more angry at AR.

TT: All I want is for you to accept that I do love him, and he does love me. 

There’s a pause. You can see that he’s typing and erasing a lot. 

GT: I’m sorry. I just worry about you.

GT: I just can’t trust he has your best interests at heart.

Another pause. 

GT: Dirk. Did you fancy me? I mean before.

TT: …

TT: Who told you about that?

GT: You did then?

GT: No one told me really. It’s just something that occurred to me. 

GT: You know me and Jane have been walking out.

TT: “Walking out.”

GT: You know, dating. She mentioned something to me, about how she’d been crushing on me and I never seemed to notice.

GT: And I thought about she’d said and did. And I realized she’d been flirting at me for years. And I thought about all the things you’d said and did.

GT: And it occurred to me you might have felt the same way.

GT: And I was wondering what would have happened if I’d noticed you first, before I’d noticed Jane. Would I have been able to.

GT: I don’t want to say save you. I don’t, and I know you’d hate me saying or even thinking it but I can’t help it.

TT: Jake.

TT: The answer to that is “no,” on two counts. The first is that AR decided that I was “his” and he wouldn’t have been very concerned about counter claims. The second is that I am just generally rejecting the damsel in distress narrative you have going here.

TT: I’m also rejecting the “martyr” narrative where I’m sacrificing myself for the sake of whatever.

TT: Yeah, I did make that deal with AR. But I made it because I was pretty sure it would work. And yeah, I was holding everyone else’s survival—and Bro’s survival as being more important than my own.

TT: Jake, when I thought I was dying, I asked him to promise me the war was over. That no one else was going to die.

TT: He didn’t have to keep that promise. He could have lied to me and kept me alive while destroying the last of humanity. He could have just let me die.

TT: He didn’t do that though. He cared about my feelings. He cared about what I wanted. He took on responsibilities and worked with Bro to actually end the war.

TT: And don’t think for a moment that I’m with him because I think I owe him for doing all that. I love him. I love him because he’s trying so hard to fix everything HIC did to him and to others.

TT: Note that I am including other AIs in “others.”

GT: Would you still love him if he’d lied to you? I’m not throwing that at you to make you angry.

GT: I just want to understand.

TT: I would be angry with him. I don’t think I could stop myself from loving him.

TT: I care about him. And I care about you. And it hurts that you’d pull something like that on me.

GT: I’m sorry. I knew the instant I’d said what I did that I shouldn’t have said anything at all.

GT: And I’m not just saying that because Jane and Roxy ripped me up one side and down the other.

TT: So I texted you because we’re coming over on Friday.

TT: Just a heads up and generally wanting to air the dirty laundry.

GT: I’ll say we did that.

GT: I really am sorry. I promise to be on my best behavior.

TT: Thanks. See you Friday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on [Tumblr](http://othercat2.tumblr.com/) or on [dreamwidth!](https://othercat.dreamwidth.org/)


	19. ==>Dave: have a few confrontations

When Friday rolls around, you dress up a bit at Jade’s insistence. “I think it’s too late to make a good impression,” you tell Jade. She’s wearing a black skirt with little sparks of rhinestones and a green short-sleeved blouse and shiny boots. Her hair’s barely held back by a clip. “Especially after giving English hell.” 

Jade rolls her eyes and hands you the black slacks, red shirt and the wingtips you wore to your date with AR. There’s also a black suitcoat. “We’re not trying to impress Jake English, we’re trying to impress _Jane and Roxy,”_ she says. 

“Okay okay,” you say, and take the clothes. 

“You seriously didn’t have to dress up,” Dirk says when you and Jade go to show off. “On the other hand you certainly look…Christmassy with all the red and green.” 

“Dork,” Jade says, rolling her eyes. She makes Dirk dress up too. Apparently she’d gotten his sizes from AR and ordered clothes for him. (Because of course she did.) He gets an orange button up shirt, black slacks and dressy looking black shoes, and a black suitcoat that’s a similar cut to yours. 

Dirk goes along with it but argues the whole time. “Yeah, but why do you _need_ to impress Roxy and Jane?” Dirk asks, once he gets the clothes on. “Roxy already likes you and I’m pretty sure Jane’s going to like you too.” 

Jade waves her hands in a brief, frustrated gesture. “I don’t know? Because books and movies make meeting the family seem like a big deal? Because I’m damn well going to seem grown up since our age is such big goddamn deal to your friend Jake?”

“I think I’ve convinced him we’re not robbing the cradle,” Dirk says. “You don’t have to be worried about making a _bad_ impression or anything.” He grins a little. “Even if you guys did play a lot of pranks on Jake.”

Jade returns Dirk’s smile with one of her own. “Yeah but it’s still a thing, you know? I didn’t want to show up in my everyday clothes.”

“That’s fair,” Dirk says. “Your outfit is pretty impressive.” 

“Kanaya made it! I’m going to be doing so much weeding,” Jade says, twirling to show off the skirt. “And trimming and pruning!” 

The three of you head out the door and down the hall to Dirk’s apartment. Jane meets you all at the door. Her greeting is interrupted by a wolf-whistle from Roxy. “Looking good, Di-Stri!” Roxy says, coming up behind Jane. “And you two are looking extremely fancy!” she continues. 

“I hope you didn’t think this was some kind of formal occasion,” Jane says. “I feel a little under- dressed.” She’s wearing jeans, a light blue blouse and flip-flops. 

“Nah, this is what we usually wear,” you say. 

“They were a little nervous,” Dirk says, looking amused. 

“Maybe a little?” Jade admits with a grin. 

Jane lets the three of you in. (You and Dirk ditch the suitcoats almost immediately.) You end up around the kitchen table while Jane and Roxy cooked dinner, which smelled amazing. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, rolls, corn on the cob. Dirk gets drafted to assist, but you and Jade were apparently not expected to help. While they worked around the kitchen, Jane and Roxy asked questions about classes and what you thought about the city so far. 

You talk about your comic, Jade talks about her classes. Jane shares information about the medical apprenticeship she’s involved in, and her trips outside the city with the recovery teams. Roxy talks about some of the projects she’s involved in. Jade jumps in on that, asking Roxy lots of questions. Jake is nowhere in sight at the moment, which you’re fine with, but Dirk isn’t. 

“So, where’s Jake?” Dirk asks during a lull in the conversation. He frowns a little. 

“Jakey went to pick up dessert,” Roxy says. “He should be back soon.”

Jake turns up around the time dinner is finished, carrying boxes that turn out to contain apple pies with some kind of crumbly brown stuff on top. He sets them down on the table. “All is forgiven,” you say after taking a peak at the apple-y goodness. Jane taps the cover back down and moves the pies to the counter. “I totally wasn’t going to fish out some apple slices,” you tell her. 

“Of course not,” Jane says, and laughs at you. 

“If I’d known pies would be sufficient bribery, I would have baked some sooner,” Jake says, tone joking, but also a little uncertain.

“You baked them, Jakey?” Roxy asks.

“Well, I mostly peeled and chopped the apples up, and made the crumb topping,” Jake says. “Mr. Crocker took care of the rest of it.” 

“Well, my forgiveness isn’t so easily bought, Mr. English,” Jade says, crossing over to where Jake was standing. She’s tiny compared to him, but still manages to be pretty intimidating, even though she has to tilt her head to look up at him when she glares. Jake actually takes a half step back. 

“Miss Harley,” Jake says. “I’m sorry for not going to you and Mr. Strider about my…concerns.” He looks over and Dirk. “Dirk, I should never have said what I did,” Jake says. “My behavior was inexcusable,” 

“It’s okay Jake,” Dirk says immediately, stepping over to Jake. “You were worried about me.” He hesitates a moment before saying, “Uh. I know how it must have looked sometimes but--”

Jake gets pink around the ears. “Please don’t explain. I don’t entirely understand it, and I’m not sure I want to.” 

Dirk smirks a little. “Did you read the books?” 

“I didn’t get very far,” Jake says, flushing more. “I’m still not very comfortable with it--”

“--But you acknowledge it’s not any of your business, right?” Jade interjects.

“I acknowledge that I shouldn’t have attacked Dirk or implied he wasn’t a competent adult,” Jake says with a frown.

“And you should have minded your own damn business,” Jade says sharply. She glares up at him, jaw tensed, her entire stance indicating she’s about to haul off and punch a guy.

Jake crosses his arms over his chest and glares back. Before anything can happen that probably shouldn’t at a friendly dinner party, Dirk intervenes. “Guys, could we not?” Dirk asks. He steps midway between Jade and Jake, and looks at one, and then the other. “C’mon, Jade,” he says quietly, and puts a hand on Jade’s arm. 

Jade relaxes, just a little. “Sorry,” she says after a couple beats. 

“Have some chill, babe,” you say, coming up opposite her. “Let’s bury the hatchet, and not in Mr. English’s skull, okay?” 

Jade snorts at you. “Dork.” She looks at Jake. “Okay, I’ll let it go, but if you hurt Dirk’s feelings again, I am kicking your ass, okay?” 

“I assure you miss Harley, you’ll have to stand in line, because I fully intend to kick my own ass if I make an ass of myself again.” 

“That’d be something to see,” you say. A lot of the tension drains out of the room, and you all sit down to eat dinner. 

So it’s a thing that Rose and Jade have mostly been handling conversations with the other refugees from Lafayette. You’ve skimmed a few discussions, and you know John has done some trolling in the Lafayette discussion threads, but you’ve only skimmed them every so often. There are better forums to visit, ones that don’t make your hands shake and teeth grind. 

So a day after your dinner at Jane’s, you’re not exactly happy to get a link to a Lafayette discussion from AR. He’d apparently sent a request for any possible information about the inside of “Fort Lafayette.” (It wasn’t a fort. It had never been a fort. Calling it a fort didn’t make it one.) This had turned into an argument about whether or not to give the information, and had been going on for days. There are factions for and against and a lot of accusations and counter-accusations. AR makes a couple of points that knowing about the inside of the building will assist with making sure fewer people were hurt, but his comments are mostly being ignored, as far as you can tell. 

For the first time, you decide to comment on the Lafayette refugee forum.

TG: why is this even a question

TG: knowing the layout will keep people from getting hurt 

TG: so tell him

KZ: It’s more complicated than that. Can we guarantee the emperor has the best intentions? 

JT: Let them all rot.

BR: I have family still inside. Family I wasn’t able to get out of there. 

CS: It isn’t any of your business anyway.

TG: i grew up there how isnt it my business

TT: TG is Dave Strider, my brother.

TT: Fancy seeing you here, brother dear. 

TG: i got sent a link

TG: why i dont know

TT: At a guess, someone wanted to make sure you were aware of this frank exchange of views.

TG: frank exchange of bullshit

TT: Well, that too.

BR: This is an adult discussion here, and you kids really don’t need to be interrupting it. 

[BR blocks (tentacleTherapist) and (turntechGodhead) from discussion: layout request reason: trolling]

[AR unblocks (tentacleTherapist) and (turntechGodhead) from discussion: layout request reason: both are capable of adult level conversations should they occur]

TT: It seems you are overruled Mr. Richards

TG: richards like bryant richards

TG: like halfway decent english teacher third recovery team guy

TG: ha i knew you guys didnt get killed.

BR: We went to Alexandria. They weren’t doing too much better than Lafayette though, so after the war we decided to try for Houston.

TG: so why dont you want to give the robot emperor the deets

TG: it seems like people are more likely to get hurt if the people going in dont know where to go

KZ: People are going to get hurt if they do

KZ: I don’t think there should be any kind of “intervention,” in the first place. 

JT: They can go fuck themselves tbh.

TB: It’s not people. It’s robots. We can’t trust them not to blow shit up.

JT: Those fuckers will probably blow *themselves* up.

TT: It’s people. Some of the people will be androids. Most of the people will be humans.

JT: Robots aren’t people, little girl. They’re mobile *computers.*

AR: Well, that’s somewhat better than being compared to a toaster.

AR: Once again I have explained what the information would be used for. The intervention will take place regardless.

AR: One would think that humans would be more concerned for the health and safety of their fellow humans. At least, I’ve been told that this is the case. So far I haven’t seen very much evidence of it.

TT: I have no doubt they’re worried. It’s just that they’re more worried about “robots” than they are in what they hope is still a stable situation.

TG: spoiler its not

TG: it was never stable

TG: and i could understand if you were all worried about those fuckers in lafayette holding their own people hostage and thought even a little show of outside force might make them lose their shit

TG: but thats not what your worried about so much

TG: youre more worried about robots going berserk because they were shot at

TG: or maybe its all a trap after all and everyone gets massacred

TG: or something like that

TG: when you should be more worried about fucking poison koolaid or something

BR: It can’t have gotten to that point.

JT: Yeah it could have. Though poison koolaid wouldn’t take any murderbots with them.

JT: So figure explosives.

TT: All the more reason to supply information on the layout, and where explosives could be hidden.

The conversation goes around and around in circles, but Rose fights the adults in the forum tooth and nail. Rose’s mom had been a doctor. She’d kept a record of almost everything that had gone down in the Fortress, and Rose had taken the notebooks with her. (None of you had really argued much about it, even though it had been extra to carry. It wasn’t something any of you had been willing to leave behind.) Rose isn’t shy about sharing what she knows, and you help as much as you can. She argues them down, points out that they were going to be sending delegates from the community, that there was going to be oversight. They try to make light of Rose’s “maturity” for someone so young, and she basically destroys them and gets them agree to help with supplying information.

“…they decided that the most secure place in the city was lafayette correctional only once they were in it was too crowded with all the prisoners so they started killing the prisoners and the prisoners fought back some of the guards tried to stop the killing but they got killed too. a lot of people died and it ended up a stalemate between gangs and they were all gangs it didn’t matter if one gang was a bunch of criminals or cops or a bunch of law abiding fucking citizens because they were all fucking murderers and…”

“Dave,” Rose and AR say at the same time. It makes you jump. You kind of blink at Rose, who is frowning back at you. She’s wearing a sun hat, a purple t-shirt with a darker purple silhouette of a cat, boots and grubby jeans. It wasn’t what she’d been wearing a minute…no, at least an hour ago, according to your phone. 

“I didn’t realize it would be this upsetting for you,” AR’s voice says from your phone. His tone is more curious than apologetic. “Thank you for the additional information, however.” 

“I kind of know a lot. About what happened,” you say. “We all do, but I remember Bro talking about it.”

“We weren’t allowed to talk about it,” Rose says. “They lied a lot about what was really going on. A lot of the refugees that made it out were people who came after everything had quieted down. So they don’t know very much about the earlier conflicts.” 

“This intervention will bring stability and assistance to your former community,” AR’s voice says reassuringly.

“Not justice?” Rose asks. 

“There would be a certain irony in a ‘murderbot’ demanding justice or holding trials for murder.”

“Maybe, but maybe not,” you say. “You’re not really a murderbot anymore. You’re a lot more than that.”

“Yes, I’m the emperor of everything, after all,” AR voice says in a flippant, snarky tone.

“Yeah, and that means making things fair for everyone, right? Like creating rules and building houses and parks and letting androids figure out what they really wanted to do and letting humans stay in your cities and fixing everything that got fucked up.” 

“Much of that can be attributed to Dirk and his brother,” AR points out. 

“Just because you got talked into doing good things, doesn’t mean what you’re doing isn’t good,” you say. “Rose, tell him.”

“I think you’re doing fine on your own, Dave,” Rose says. “Since you seem to be all right now, I’ll go help Kanaya with her garden.”

“Have fun,” you say. 

“I intend to,” Rose says and heads out of the apartment. 

You and AR talk some more. It was kind of interesting that AR was open about talking about something that seemed pretty deep and emotional in front of Rose. (He had sounded flippant but at the same time almost uncertain.) You were also kind of surprised he’d said something so open to you. You don’t question him about it. Instead, you give AR as much information about the “fortress” as you can. (You even doodle little maps, though AR is less than impressed by them.)

The rest of the week involves a lot of planning and meetings all four of you have to attend. You meet the other delegates, who are all a lot older than the four of you. There are five delegates, two women and three men. One of them is Bryant Richards, the others are people you kind of recognize. The two women are Mary Simmons and Anne Bell. The other two men are David Pierce, Coll Rogers and Stephen Rice. All of them are pretty nervous of the Sagittarius and Libra units. (It takes a few meetings before they start calming down.)

The Sagittarius unit goes by “Ross,” and is eerily friendly and polite. He has a human friend, a medic named Zandra. (Apparently they “met” at the same moment that the stand-down order came through. As in, he’d gotten the order at the same moment he pulled the trigger. Then he immediately requested a med evac and kept her alive until a medical team could arrive.) T3R-3Z1 is the team leader for the Libra units. You don’t know the other five. There’s a taller one that looks just like T3R-3Z1 named L4T-UL4, one with back curved horns that spike upward at the ends named T1R-0N4. The One whose horns square off at the end is TYZ-14S, one whose horns bend outward and end in points is T4G-0R4 and the one whose horns end in a sharp, pointed bend is T3G-1R1. 

In addition to the delegates and the androids there’s about a hundred or so human volunteers, and your group will be meeting up with volunteers from settlements in Baton Rouge, Abbeville and Alexandria. Rose and John do a lot of the talking, with occasional comments from you, and longer comments from Jade. It’s still a little hard to get the adults to take you seriously, but Ross and his friend seem to be helpfully determined that everyone gets their say. 

You’re going to be going back to Lafayette surrounded by something like an army, and you don’t know how you feel about it. You talk about it to Jade, Rose and John. The four of you turn out to be on the same page, feelings-wise. This “intervention” isn’t anything any of you thought could possibly happen. You’re a little stunned, a little uneasy. You talk about it, speculate a little about it. Eventually, you ask AR about it.

AR: It’s really very simple. I suspected for some time that the Lafayette community was holding its own people prisoner. Every refugee arriving from Lafayette by whatever route simply confirmed it.

AR: I find it…annoying on a certain level.

AR: I find that I experience extreme dislike at the thought of such a situation. 

AR: And I feel that I must intervene before they kill themselves.

AR: If only because the human gene pool is quite shallow.

TG: always thinking about the bottom line huh

AR: You could say that. 

AR: It’s become something of a challenge, on perhaps on par with Jade Harley’s oft referenced condors, and the rehabilitation efforts to restore them to the wild.

TG: caw caw motherfuckers

TG: or whatever sound condors make

TG: i dont know did they go extinct again 

TG: ill never see their majestic soaring in search of roadkill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. There are rp characters played by Jumping Jack Trash in this chapter. 
> 
> 2\. Mortior told me where, and what the Lafayette compound was. I was in a mild panic while screen shotting the building in question. For obvious reasons.


End file.
